For A Few Laughs

I have been writing on topics which are on the serious side. So this time I thought let me write something light to make you have little laugh. Here is a collection of some jokes which I am sure would bring a smile to your face if not make you laugh outright.

In a small town there was a fair. In one of the events participants displayed their strength. One strong looking man took a lemon, cut it into two and squeezed almost 1/4th glass full of juice. Then he challenged the audience that if anyone could get another drop out of it he would be his pupil for the rest of his life. One puny looking man walked upto the stage and took up the challenge. All present laughed at his audacity. He took lemon peels one by one and lo behold squeezed almost same amount of juice again. Everyone was surprised. The strong man was shocked. He asked puny one what is his profession. The reply was “ I am an Income Tax Officer “.

After hectic work in office two women, one redhead and other blonde, were relaxing over steaming cups of coffee. TV was showing news in which a man was standing on ledge of fourth floor and was ready to jump down. The redhead told blonde that she would bet that the man would jump. The bet was settled for 25 dollars. The man jumped after few minutes. The blonde took out wallet to give money. The redhead told her to forget it as she would feel guilty taking the money because she had seen the same news at 2 pm telecast. The blonde replied “ It is ok. I also saw it but thought he would not jump this time “.

A man was hauled up in the court for banging his car at a crossing while overtaking from left side the car ahead driven by a woman which turned left. His defence was that woman had extended her hand fully outside towards right thus indicating she was turning right so he started overtaking her from left and she suddenly turned left. On this she said “ Oh, that. I was just drying nail polish on my right hand “.

A young couple took a month long sea voyage for belated honeymoon. A day prior to their return to mother port the husband told his wife that purser ( who generally is second important officer on ship ) is a big brag. On being asked he told that purser was boasting in the bar that during this voyage he has slept with every female on voyage except one. The wife said “ Oh, that must be the old biddy in cabin 7 “.

Well, that is it. Why not you too take it up as tag and share some good jokes?

Follow up on LOVE ??????

I had put my post LOVE?????? in o3.indiatimes.com too. A young lady had commented which alongwith my reply I am placing it here for your views.


HER COMMENT

Hi Uncle, Just read your BLOG.. I want to share once more incidence, which I read in some article. There is a girl involved with a boy since last 5 years. Initially, it was a plain friendship, but gradually they got into a relationship.. She loved him very deeply, but the boy had initially cleared her that he won't be able to convince anyone in his family for their marriage. She knew it, but still went into a physical relationship with that boy. The boy told her that he loved her too but due to some reasons he could not convince his parents. Later on, boy's family searched a match for him. At that point of time also, she tried to save the relationship so that it can get converted into marriage.. She cried, yelled & did every thing to save the relationship, But sadly, the boy got married.. She was outbroken with this, knowingly unknowingly she knew that it is not only the fault of boy.. but still she couldn't recover from it. & see the other side of the story, the boy still says that she will be having the same place in his life, what she had before his marriage.. He has also told her that they will not get into any physical relationship, because he respects her body and soul.. & he has kept his promise as of now.. The girl is still in love with that boy, & is very much heartbroken.. the boy doesn't let her go away from him, as he feels that she will die thinking the same thing again & again.. atleast he would be there to support her & to come out of this situation.. What is your opinion about this whole situation??


MY REPLY

Before saying anything on this I will make a general statement. Two persons get attracted to each other, become friends over a time they gradually fall in love. Over a period there is certain amount of physicality due to feeling of closeness and sharing of innermost thoughts. It starts with holding hands to hugging, peck on the cheek and it goes on further gradually with it being an individual choice to go all the way or not by consent based on intense feelings of love and mutual confidence. It is just normal. Physical needs are common between boys and girls. It can not be termed as right or wrong. Only hitch being that mostly it is the girl who is left broken hearted in the event of break up as she has given everything in the relationship. Now coming to what you said. The boy had told the girl right from beginning that there is no future as he would not be able to make his parents agree to their marriage. But as they were in deep love and she thought time may change situation so she willingly consented for whatever way the relationship progressed. Boy instead of exercising restraint gave in to his physical urges and went ahead with physicality while the girl loving him whole heartedly and living with hope that his parents may change their stance consented to go ahead with deeper relationship .

Now that he is married it is not ethical on his part to show love to the girl stating that there will be no physical relations but who can assure that they may not resume such relaitons in future. By doing this he is spoiling her future life for his selfishness. It could also be a case of boy ensuring fulfilment of his needs on rainy days. Girl on her part should realise that there is nothing tangible in such relationship unless she is hoping to break up the marriage. She should keep fond memories and move on. All contacts have to be severed immediately. She may go for counseling from someone she trusts. Before saying anything on this I will make a general statement. Two persons get attracted to each other, become friends over a time they gradually fall in love. Over a period there is certain amount of physicality due to feeling of closeness and sharing of innermost thoughts. It starts with holding hands to hugging, peck on the cheek and it goes on further gradually with it being an individual choice to go all the way or not by consent based on intense feelings of love and mutual confidence. It is just normal. Physical needs are common between boys and girls. It can not be termed as right or wrong. Only hitch being that mostly it is the girl who is left broken hearted in the event of break up as she has given everything in the relationship. Now coming to what you said. The boy had told the girl right from beginning that there is no future as he would not be able to make his parents agree to their marriage. But as they were in deep love and she thought time may change situation so she willingly consented for whatever way the relationship progressed. Boy instead of exercising restraint gave in to his physical urges and went ahead with physicality while the girl loving him whole heartedly and living with hope that his parents may change their stance consented to go ahead with deeper relationship . Now that he is married it is not ethical on his part to show love to the girl stating that there will be no physical relations but who can assure that they may not resume such relaitons in future. By doing this he is spoiling her future life for his selfishness. It could also be a case of boy ensuring fulfilment of his needs on rainy days. Girl on her part should realise that there is nothing tangible in such relationship unless she is hoping to break up the marriage. She should keep fond memories and move on. All contacts have to be severed immediately. She may go for counseling from someone she trusts.

HER REPLY

Very true... i wonder why in this era, people have such reservations regarding inter-caste marriages.. These days girls are becoming more courageous in choosing their life partners and boys have taken a back seat... they can easily get into a relationship, but think different when it comes to marriage. Then their first priority is their family...

TAG

Sakshi tagged me to do this and it is not possible for me to disappoint her, though late I am. It is quite simple tag. One has to say what comes in mind for each number from 1 to 10. So here it goes :

1. God is ONE and we give different names and shapes. We realize this truth only when we meet our creator.
2. Lovey- Dovey couple.
3. Everyone goes ga ga on first addition to family.
4. Hum Do Humare Do, Happy Family.
5. Panch Parmeshwar, Panj Pyare.
6. Sachin or Sehwag who else?
7. Lucky for all.
8. Roly Poly figure, no offences to anyone.
9. Almost there.
10. Perfect score in many spheres. Ask Bo Derek.

I am not tagging anyone but request those who wish to take it up to write honestly.

LOVE ??????

After reading some posts I felt deeply moved and wanted to be of whatever help possible to those who may need it. This made me think of what to write and how to begin but some reason or the other I could not marshal my thoughts to put them in letters. A shocking news in today’s ToI about a 23 years US student having been gang raped by 6 of her classmates shook me out of my slumber. I felt that I should not delay it anymore. I am certain that some of you may not like my stating the obvious truth which is generally not acknowledged. I have always believed that there should be no differentiation between boys and girls. But unfortunately this is also a bitter fact that girls are on the receiving end always. It is the way God has willed. Thus girls even in civil and broad minded society still have to be able to fend themselves. Apart from bringing up our two children, girl & boy, on equal footing I have had opportunity to inter-act with number of youngsters of both genders. I feel that I should share my experience with you all so we should not have another Nafisa Joseph or that budding TV star ( sorry, I miss the name ) again. It is a well known saying that a man will show love to have sex while a woman will consent for sex to have love. Based on this I will briefly narrate 3 out of some cases I had been asked to advise. No matter how friendly parents are there will be still some thing which children would not like to talk to them about. It is upto parents to foresee such situation and instill confidence in child to share his or her thoughts or actions.

First one relates to a fine young girl of about 23 who was deeply in love with a man few years elder to her. They were keen to marry inspite of being from different castes. Her parents had learnt about it. After some usual threats and hesitations they consented stipulating that the man should meet them. But he on some pretext or the other kept avoiding it. They were known to me. On their request I spoke to the girl. After a couple of meetings she confided in me and my doubt was confirmed that he was already married. He had two children also. They had met at some party and were drawn to each other. She was looking for steady boyfriend and he filled the slot. He told her that he was single. A few meetings later he coaxed her to have physical relations proposing to marry her. She by then was totally bowled over by his affectionate manners and as he promised marriage she consented. It was only after that he told her of his actual status. Though she was shocked but she could not come out of this as by then she was in love with him fro her heart. She believed him when he said that he would divorce his first wife and marry her. She continued doing whatever he wanted. And that had been going on for almost six months by the time I spoke to her. She quarreled with me when I told her that he would never do so and was using her for his lust. However after a long talk with patience she agreed to tell him that no more physical relations till he files for divorce. She frankly told me it would be difficult for her too as she also liked it. When she did what I asked her she saw his true side. He tried cajoling her, threatened her and even made her submit with brutal force. That is when she agreed to my advice not to see him any more. He kept persisting by sending messages through his staff. The mobiles were not so common at that time. She directed those messengers to me when it became intolerable. One day he came over to my office and told me not to interfere in his life. Polite requests did not make any headway. So I met his superiors as he was in Govt service. It was only after their intervention and informing him that they would be obliged to initiate legal action if the girl complained, he desisted from making further contact with her. I advised the girl that she should not speak about it to her would be husband in future and if inescapable could just say that she had been friendly with boys in college but not to discuss any details. This advice was as no matter how educated and broadminded one may be it will still pinch some corner of his mind if he knows that his wife has had her share of physicality irrespective of what may have been his past. I have not met or spoken to her after that and her parents too shifted to their native place but I heard that she is happily married.

Second is about a girl of just below 20 who was studying in college out of town and stayed in the hostel. Her mother, whom I looked at as sister due to her brother being my long time friend, told me once when girl was home on holidays that her behavior was totally changed and she was found shouting & using profanities on telephone to someone. She wanted me to intervene as girl refused to say anything to her. I had a very long discussion with the girl and had to use my patience much beyond limits. Once she understood that I mean no harm but am there to help her, she confided that she has developed physical relations with her room mate who also belonged to Delhi. She also told that though she has had physical relations with a boyfriend but was happy in the present relationship. They intended to get married and live as a couple. This was much before the present supportive processions. The other girl was more dominant or husband like. The shouting on telephone was as she used to tell her not to do certain things or go out in certain attires when alone. I explained to her that it is her choice as to what relationship she wishes but presently our society was not ready to accept such couples. She understood after a lot of arguments specially that her mother would be devastated once she learns this. She agreed that she likes heterosexual relations too. My advice was that she should follow her conscience but keep standing of her family and herself in the society in mind while taking any decision. I also told her to be discrete. It was almost six years ago. She has got engaged to a fine young man. Though I have not asked but know that she does spend time with her girlfriend on week ends at times.

Third is about a student of 12th class. She had got marks in 90%s in her 10th Board but in 11th her performance dipped drastically. Her mother got worried and approached me through someone who knew that I do counsel youngsters. This girl was at first unwilling to speak anything. It took me 3 meetings to win her trust. She told me that she met a boy of same class but in different school when she was in 11th. They became friendly which developed in love gradually. After a few weeks of meeting regularly they got onto hugging and kissing stage. On my gradual leading she accepted that they had gone far beyond that but insisted that not the whole way. I did not want to embarrass her by asking more so I let it go at that. My advice to her was that for everything there is time and age. Presently she should concentrate on her studies as unless she gets good marks her future will be uncertain. And same goes for him too. How she lives her life is her own decision as she is not a toddler but she has to understand that there are some expectations of her parents which she can not just ignore. I also told her that whatever she does should be after full application of her mind and clear conscience without any peer pressure. I drafted a daily time table for her allowing time for not only studies but for outings, talking to friends on telephone and even for parties as needed. She liked the idea of such daily schedule. I met her a few more times after that and was impressed with her dedication to follow set routine. She scored more than 85% in 12th Board making her parents proud. It is over 3 years now and have neither met her or her mother.

My intention of bringing it out here is to emphasize that instead of taking hasty decisions under euphoria of being in love and later being left heart broken or becoming a victim of lust girls need to apply mind fully before making any commitment. It may seem impractical as cupid strikes without warning ( I have already accepted that in my earlier post ) but fact still remains that though girls have as much right to live life as they want just like boys but being GIRL they still have to take precautions to ensure their wellbeing.

Need of the Hour

India is a very vast nation with diverse cultures, languages, customs, religions, castes, creeds and personal appearances. We feel proud that we are a developing nation and have a strong desire to see that we are in Developed Nations Club by 2020. But is it possible? Let us carry out SWOT analysis.

STRENGTHS : We have rich heritage. We have been pioneers in many fields. We have vast land which is mostly fertile. We are blessed with landscape diversely rich in nature which is tourist’s paradise. We are rich with minerals. Our natural resources are in abundance waiting to be tapped properly. We have large intelligent population. We have rich culture with long tested traditions and it has adopted many good traits of other cultures. Our culture has withstood aggressions of many invaders and still survived coming out stronger. We have deep love for our country. We are brave though very tolerant. We have burning desire to be ON TOP again thus getting back our past GLORIOUS STATUS.

WEAKNESSES : Legacy of “ Bakshish “ culture introduced by the British has grown into enormous proportions of CORRUPTION fondly nurtured by our politicians for their vested interests. We are caste & creed conscious. Thinking of majority of population is still confined to regionalism.We do not have one ethnic linking language accepted by one and all. Majority of our population can still get carried away by forceful speeches without any substance by unscrupulous politician who exploit regional and caste issues for their gain. “ Chalta Hai “ attitude of majority unwilling to take a stand to bring out change. Criminalisation of politics. Unfortunately our leaders are not farsighted as they tend to confine to what is there at present or at the maximum only a couple of years hence.

OPPROTUNITIES : It is certain that with our vast resources available including skilled manpower we have capacity to lead in fields of IT, Medicine and number of Technical avenues. It has been stated that many of the skilled personnel in NASA as well as in IT field in USA are of Indian origin.

THREATS : Our biggest threat in not from outside, say our neighbors, but from within. With unlimited number of political parties it is virtually a “ Khichari “. Precious time of our leaders who wish to see India progressing is wasted in placating dissidence within the party. Any dissatisfied member of a party floats another party with a handful of his or her supporters causing undue division of public. Last decade or so we have seen amalgamation of parties forming government at centre with small regional parties with just a handful of MPs holding government to ransom. Regionalist calls given by politicians who feel insecure of their position and wish to strengthen the same without even giving a thought to what harm it is doing to our national integration.

In the Balance Sheet we can safely say that though we have the capacity and will to be ON TOP but manmade hurdles make it very difficult. To overcome these hurdles we need to educate our masses to see the reality. We need to tell these selfish leaders to stop trying to divide India again on regional or religion or caste basis for their vested gains. Let us all vow to BE INDIAN FIRST and anything else later.

Love Story

While commenting on post of a young lady I had said that one needs to be little careful when falling in love. She had retorted that it is not possible to plan to fall in love. I agreed to that whole heartedly as I too had attained that euphoric feeling without any warning. Here I am going to share that with you all. But before I go any further let me clarify that love is of many hues. I am sure you all would know that – like mother’s love for children, love of parents, sister’s love etc etc. However what I am going to say is about love between two unrelated persons as a result of cupid’s actions, or about Mohabbat or Ishq.

First time when I fell in love I was all of 5 years old having just attained status of school going. It was in Pathankot. She was sikh girl with snowwhite complexion, chiseled sharp features, long black hair, dark brown eyes which invited you to lose yourself in them and a voice which was sweet music to the ears like honey is to tongue. My day was not complete till I met her. Luckily she was staying near our house. She too showed lots of happiness whenever I visited her. She showed her love in many ways like sharing sweets or some such goodies. Whenever someone asked me who would I marry when I grow up I named her without any hesitation. I used to get annoyed when they laughed thinking so what if she was eighteen years old. Then my father go transferred from there and new place, new faces, new classmates combined together to make me forget my first love.

I was in second standard when I went head over heals again. She was my classmate, good looking, sturdy but main thing was that she class monitor and used to take care of me whenever I was in trouble. All classmates were scared of her. Over a time I started liking her which turned into love without realization. I was stunned when during recess I overheard her telling someone why she likes me, it was for sharing half of my tiffin as my mother used to give me some delicious stuff. I was so angry I pushed her to ground and put lots of black Indian ink which we used to carry for writing on the wooden slate. It is a separate story how I was hauled up to Principal’s office post recess and what transpired there. However I was let off lightly with a long moral lecture on respecting girls and that is still etched as fresh on my mind.

As I grew up I got more involved in hockey and other games. I joined NCC as well as St Johns Ambulance First Aid team. I by then had established myself as a good orator in declamation contests etc. It was during one of such state level competitive trips of First Aid Teams that I saw a girl during camp fire on the last day. Her beautiful face haunted me for years though I never spoke to her or met her again. This you may call love at first sight one sided, of course.

Then after higher secondary I went off to NDA and the life was hectic with no time for anything other than rigorous training both academics & outdoors. Became an officer in IAF and got engrossed with making my mark. Had some friendships but nothing to term as love. Parents selected a girl , got engaged and pre-marriage on meeting her a few time fell in love with her simplicity and sweet nature. I have already confessed in one of my earlier posts that she is the one who behind my success. We had got married in Nov 1971 when Bhutto was talking of thousand years war and I did not want to remain single for so long. That war was over in about a fortnight but our love war still continues. Hope it carries on. I live a happy life of father of two and grandfather of three but God has own ways.

Just about a month ago on a Sunday afternoon I was sitting outside in the little space between footpath and our flat separated by small hedge basking in the sun and sipping a glass of beer when I saw her. She appeared out of nowhere crossing the road toward small market on the other side of road. Her graceful strides, sway of her hips and head held high made me miss a couple of heartbeats even at the age closer to 64 than teenage. What a beauty created by God at leisure! Luckily no one was around including my two close companions whom I adore and who’s photographs I have shown in an earlier post. Though I am a hardened dog lover but this graceful feline female robbed my heart in toto. I never saw her again but do yearn to see her again.

Well, that is the story of my love episodes. And all unplanned.

PS : And before I forget I do love all of you my friends in this space who have made my life so meaningful to share my experiences and mete out unwanted advice at times. Thanks a lot.

WHY?

Some incidents which have taken place in the past few days have made me give a thought if those were avoidable or not. I am putting these here for you all to think over and give your valued opinions.

The first incident is of a very senior officer of IAF committing suicide. It was reported that he was depressed as he and his wife were staying in Chandigarh while his son was living away from them in Delhi. He was keen that his son should stay with them. The newspapers had stated that he was a highly decorated officer. It was as if to point that how such a courageous officer who won gallantry awards in wars could do this. There are two issues involved. First relates to Braveness. When you are in war there is only one thing in your mind “ It is either them or me “. So your actions are to see it is “them”. Thus braveness or courage makes you do what under normal times you may not think of. But when it comes to your own, it is just them and them as you would never think of harming them. At my age I can speak from both angles as I have seen both stages. As youngster you are looking for your own space and career. After marriage it is more complicated as the girl who leaves her parental house is also looking to set up her new HOME. Now from parents side, you spend your younger days ensuring that your child ( no matter how grown up he or she becomes you still consider them as child ) gets the best of everything. And you make a lot of sacrifices to do so. As you grow old and are in need of support – may not be financial but surely emotional, if you do not get it who do you look upon for that except your own? That is where a happy balance is to be arrived at. As parents you have to understand aspirations of your child and as son you have to understand the emotional needs of your parents. There can be or rather are circumstances where it may not be possible to live together but does it stop one from spending quality time with parents as often as possible which will make them happily sure of you being there for them? Girl also has to realize that after marriage his parents are you family. She needs to be for them as she would be for her own parents. What does she do if her brother’s wife neglects her parents? Does she not rip her apart? It is not possible to lay down set rules but it is upto both parents and youngsters to be alive to each other’s aspirations and expectations. That way they can be of support to each other happily.

Next come two incidents related to ragging. In first case parents lost their only son because of brutal beating by seniors because he refused to submit to their whims and fancies in the name of ragging in a Medical College Hostel while in the second case a girl in an Engineering College tried to commit suicide being unable to bear ragging by seniors whom she named once she was in a position to make statement. In both case the students had made their parents aware of ragging but asked them not to report as they feared it may affect continuations of their studies. I am aghast that in the case of girl the principal of that college made a statement that the girl was depressed due to not faring well in semester examination. Did anyone try to find out why did she not do well? Here I strongly believe that what is needed is someone who can interact with students in parental manner to know the pulse of what is going on. It should be in not only in hostels but all educational institutions including schools. One who can treat them as his own children. Ragging is something which we can not and should not do away with but it has to be contained within healthy limits. Would the authorities involved in both these incidents behaved in the similar manner if the student was their own child?

May I have your thoughts, please.