Some incidents which have taken place in the past few days have made me give a thought if those were avoidable or not. I am putting these here for you all to think over and give your valued opinions.
The first incident is of a very senior officer of IAF committing suicide. It was reported that he was depressed as he and his wife were staying in Chandigarh while his son was living away from them in Delhi. He was keen that his son should stay with them. The newspapers had stated that he was a highly decorated officer. It was as if to point that how such a courageous officer who won gallantry awards in wars could do this. There are two issues involved. First relates to Braveness. When you are in war there is only one thing in your mind “ It is either them or me “. So your actions are to see it is “them”. Thus braveness or courage makes you do what under normal times you may not think of. But when it comes to your own, it is just them and them as you would never think of harming them. At my age I can speak from both angles as I have seen both stages. As youngster you are looking for your own space and career. After marriage it is more complicated as the girl who leaves her parental house is also looking to set up her new HOME. Now from parents side, you spend your younger days ensuring that your child ( no matter how grown up he or she becomes you still consider them as child ) gets the best of everything. And you make a lot of sacrifices to do so. As you grow old and are in need of support – may not be financial but surely emotional, if you do not get it who do you look upon for that except your own? That is where a happy balance is to be arrived at. As parents you have to understand aspirations of your child and as son you have to understand the emotional needs of your parents. There can be or rather are circumstances where it may not be possible to live together but does it stop one from spending quality time with parents as often as possible which will make them happily sure of you being there for them? Girl also has to realize that after marriage his parents are you family. She needs to be for them as she would be for her own parents. What does she do if her brother’s wife neglects her parents? Does she not rip her apart? It is not possible to lay down set rules but it is upto both parents and youngsters to be alive to each other’s aspirations and expectations. That way they can be of support to each other happily.
Next come two incidents related to ragging. In first case parents lost their only son because of brutal beating by seniors because he refused to submit to their whims and fancies in the name of ragging in a Medical College Hostel while in the second case a girl in an Engineering College tried to commit suicide being unable to bear ragging by seniors whom she named once she was in a position to make statement. In both case the students had made their parents aware of ragging but asked them not to report as they feared it may affect continuations of their studies. I am aghast that in the case of girl the principal of that college made a statement that the girl was depressed due to not faring well in semester examination. Did anyone try to find out why did she not do well? Here I strongly believe that what is needed is someone who can interact with students in parental manner to know the pulse of what is going on. It should be in not only in hostels but all educational institutions including schools. One who can treat them as his own children. Ragging is something which we can not and should not do away with but it has to be contained within healthy limits. Would the authorities involved in both these incidents behaved in the similar manner if the student was their own child?
May I have your thoughts, please.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
My Pawed Companions
In my previous post " 36 Hours " I had said that during my self inflicted solitude I had my pawed friends as companions and Nups had asked to show their pictures. Well, here they are :
They love to have snacks when I get back from office, biscuits in this case.
Joey on left and Zubi on right. " Are we photogenic ? "
" Well, this is what all happened today. " Sharing news.
Zuby waiting for call from ??????? .
"HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA, DUNIYA ( READ SOME SENA ) SE NAHIN DAREGA "
Open PDA.
This is our HOME. We sit or sleep where we like.
Well, they are part of family.
They love to have snacks when I get back from office, biscuits in this case.
Joey on left and Zubi on right. " Are we photogenic ? "
" Well, this is what all happened today. " Sharing news.
Zuby waiting for call from ??????? .
"HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA, DUNIYA ( READ SOME SENA ) SE NAHIN DAREGA "Open PDA.
This is our HOME. We sit or sleep where we like.Well, they are part of family.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
36 HOURS
There was a wedding on 14 Feb 2009 at Chandigarh. My wife had to positively attend that as the bride to be was daughter of my wife’s brother. I was keen that our son and his wife too attend this as I wanted them to start shouldering responsibilities of family. So we all planed to attend this. Now there was a small hitch. Our two cocker spaniels ( almost 3 years old ) could not be taken along. I was not keen that they were put in some kennel as last time we had placed our Doberman while we went out of town for our daughter’s wedding, it took me almost a week to get rid of ticks she had picked up as well as she had started feeling very insecure that we may leave her alone whenever we went out. So the only choice was that yours truly stays back to be with them. Thus I was left all alone on Valentines Day morning with only these two brats giving me company. I thought that it would be OK and I would able to catch up with some pending chores as well as write something here. But alas! That was not to be.
They all drove off at about 9 in the morning. I thought I might as well have a cup of tea before I settle down to groom these companions which I normally do at about 7:30 in the morning after their post meal walk. I was all set to make my cup of tea but lo behold there were no tea leaves in the daily use container. Now where the HECK ( you may replace it with the appropriate expletive ) was the bulk container? After going through different cupboards I could find it hiding behind miscellaneous pots. Precious time was lost and by then my urge for tea had ebbed. I felt like calling her up to check what else would be amiss but held back as I did not want to be termed as incompetent to run the house. I still went ahead to make my cup and after having had it settled down to groom my friends. They are tuned to it and know who has to be first and who second. On completion of this task I went for bath only to find bath towel missing. Now where could it be? Again I had to rummage through pile of clothes lying to be segregated to find it at the bottom of the heap. After getting ready I somehow managed to prepare my breakfast hunting for butter knife, frying pan etc etc. Then I went out for some bank work followed by market tasks left for me. By now all my inclination to catch up with writing slowly evaporated. I had been briefed that cooked vegetables are in the fridge and I should ask visiting maid to make chappatis. When she arrived I dutifully told her to make chappatis and again I was lost as there was no kneaded dough. So I had to settle for buns from the market. Both the brats by now after having roamed around all the rooms and going to the entrance door many times had realized that I was the only company left. So they kept checking my movements to ensure that I had no intentions of deserting them. Somehow the time dragged on and by the evening I too was influenced by their feeling of being left out. This made me take out the brats more often than usual and they too were happily surprised to have more outings. While having my few Chhota Old Monks I did little surfing of channels to see if something could hold my attention as I hardly watch TV except for news or just glances at what my wife is watching – usual soaps and a little net browsing. I could not concentrate on either as there was nothing interesting on TV and both of them kept giving me woeful looks and rubbing against me or pawing conveying their concern about others not being there. This is when I realized how my evenings normally fly with our grandchildren. Evening meal for them was toast with chicken soup which was luckily available. I had to once again be content with bread, dal and vegetables.
After little disturbed sleep as they both kept climbing on bed to check me out, I got up in the morning little later than usual at about 6 am to take them out for the first round. I was feeling victorious as return of all was expected around 12 noon. Now came the task to prepare morning meal for my companions. It is porridge and it took me sometime to locate where was it kept. Somehow I managed to cook it and mix some chicken soup to ensure they have their fill. All the time I kept an eye on the clock while going on with daily activities. This is where I was once again stumped when presswala, safaiwala etc came over and had to deal with them. But happy I was as time for end of my solitude was in sight. My feeling of euphoria plunged on getting call that they would start from Chandigarh only in the afternoon so reaching here by may be 9 in the evening or so. Not to bore you much it was once again repeat of previous day with yours truly just trying to keep going on robotlike. Sure enough they all came back little after 9 pm ending my 36 hours of being alone. The statement which I had made in one of my earlier posts “ Happiness is in your hands “ that home is what lady of the house makes was surely proved beyond any doubt. And a houseful of children is what makes a day go happy. I vowed not to venture in such situation again if I could help it, though with apologies to our best friends.
They all drove off at about 9 in the morning. I thought I might as well have a cup of tea before I settle down to groom these companions which I normally do at about 7:30 in the morning after their post meal walk. I was all set to make my cup of tea but lo behold there were no tea leaves in the daily use container. Now where the HECK ( you may replace it with the appropriate expletive ) was the bulk container? After going through different cupboards I could find it hiding behind miscellaneous pots. Precious time was lost and by then my urge for tea had ebbed. I felt like calling her up to check what else would be amiss but held back as I did not want to be termed as incompetent to run the house. I still went ahead to make my cup and after having had it settled down to groom my friends. They are tuned to it and know who has to be first and who second. On completion of this task I went for bath only to find bath towel missing. Now where could it be? Again I had to rummage through pile of clothes lying to be segregated to find it at the bottom of the heap. After getting ready I somehow managed to prepare my breakfast hunting for butter knife, frying pan etc etc. Then I went out for some bank work followed by market tasks left for me. By now all my inclination to catch up with writing slowly evaporated. I had been briefed that cooked vegetables are in the fridge and I should ask visiting maid to make chappatis. When she arrived I dutifully told her to make chappatis and again I was lost as there was no kneaded dough. So I had to settle for buns from the market. Both the brats by now after having roamed around all the rooms and going to the entrance door many times had realized that I was the only company left. So they kept checking my movements to ensure that I had no intentions of deserting them. Somehow the time dragged on and by the evening I too was influenced by their feeling of being left out. This made me take out the brats more often than usual and they too were happily surprised to have more outings. While having my few Chhota Old Monks I did little surfing of channels to see if something could hold my attention as I hardly watch TV except for news or just glances at what my wife is watching – usual soaps and a little net browsing. I could not concentrate on either as there was nothing interesting on TV and both of them kept giving me woeful looks and rubbing against me or pawing conveying their concern about others not being there. This is when I realized how my evenings normally fly with our grandchildren. Evening meal for them was toast with chicken soup which was luckily available. I had to once again be content with bread, dal and vegetables.
After little disturbed sleep as they both kept climbing on bed to check me out, I got up in the morning little later than usual at about 6 am to take them out for the first round. I was feeling victorious as return of all was expected around 12 noon. Now came the task to prepare morning meal for my companions. It is porridge and it took me sometime to locate where was it kept. Somehow I managed to cook it and mix some chicken soup to ensure they have their fill. All the time I kept an eye on the clock while going on with daily activities. This is where I was once again stumped when presswala, safaiwala etc came over and had to deal with them. But happy I was as time for end of my solitude was in sight. My feeling of euphoria plunged on getting call that they would start from Chandigarh only in the afternoon so reaching here by may be 9 in the evening or so. Not to bore you much it was once again repeat of previous day with yours truly just trying to keep going on robotlike. Sure enough they all came back little after 9 pm ending my 36 hours of being alone. The statement which I had made in one of my earlier posts “ Happiness is in your hands “ that home is what lady of the house makes was surely proved beyond any doubt. And a houseful of children is what makes a day go happy. I vowed not to venture in such situation again if I could help it, though with apologies to our best friends.
Friday, January 23, 2009
HAPPINESS IS IN YOUR HANDS
After having completed 37 years of marriage, I sat back to reflect on all that had happened since the day we tied the knot. My mind went over so many things – happy, not so happy and some irksome. But all in all I felt very satisfied with whatever was the way it was. That is when I thought of sharing sum of my experiences with you all to let you know that happiness or unhappiness is in our hands and we have to make efforts to make sure that happiness is more. This is not an autobiography but what I am going to share with you is what made me feel satisfied. On 20 Nov last year we completed 37 years of married life, which may be more than age of many of you. At 63 I am happily married with 2 children and 3 grandchildren – a Nanu and a Dadu too. What I am going to tell you is that marriage is something which two persons, may be unknown to each other till then , have to work together to make it happy. Let us take a quick look at what happens. A girl leaves known environments to move with a person and his family whom she may have known for years but it is only while living together 24 X 7 one gets to know each other. This is where EGOs, different upbringings / backgrounds, education and power to understand situations for better adaptability come into play. Physical attraction though an important aspect of marriage is but a small part in strong foundation which is necessary for a successful marriage. This is where husband has to understand that his wife who had sense of security & confidence in her parents house had left all that to be with him and his family. He thus has to make all efforts to make her feel secure, confident and welcome in the present family. He has to have an keen eye to see that there is no conflict in his role as son and husband. It is difficult for mothers to let go of sons but it is he who can ensure happiness of both the important women in his life by playing his dual role to the best. His family, here I mean his parents, brothers or sisters if any, too have a very important part to ensure that newlyweds get adjusted and settle down as quickly as possible. It is very easy to pick faults in anyone but one needs to see positive qualities and help with lots of love & affection to overcome negative ones. Now coming to girl, she has to understand that this is HER FAMILY now and she is not a visitor. What she can achieve by love and understanding ways can not be achieved by trying to assert her will forcefully. She has to know that she is part and parcel of this lot and is equal partner in all “ sukh – dukh “. She can not remain an outside spectator for happenings in the family. Her parents and siblings must try to inculcate in her that now she is part of this new family and though they are there for any support needed but she should first try to find healthy two way relations within her new family. This is the sheer basic for beginning of new life for the couple. It is not like a cut & dried formula, each situation may differ as per human nature but basics will still be the same. Adjustment is needed from both sides but who does more and who less can not be laid down. For all this a TWO WAY OPEN COMMUNICATION is a must. And I give all credit to my wife who made me what I am today with her rock solid support all the time. We did have some stormy fights, I being an outgoing one and she more of a home bird, but ultimately it was she who made me see where I went wrong without making it obvious or nagging. A home is made by lady of the house. If man falls sick or goes out of station for a few days, home will still run without much difficulty but if she is not there everything goes topsy turvy. Even children share their secrets more with mother than father. This is what I have seen and gone through in my last 37 years. The success of our married life definitely goes more to her than me. It is only once you are over the prime of your life you realize the worth of mutual bonding. Also remember
“ No matter what the provocation be for any arguement, never NEVER ridicule or belittle your partner. This holds specially for husbands.”
“ Mutual respect is a very important factor in any relationship - more so in marriage. Do remember this not only for your partner but his or her space too.”
Well, my friends this is what I have to say - it is you and only you who can make your life happy or otherwise.
“ No matter what the provocation be for any arguement, never NEVER ridicule or belittle your partner. This holds specially for husbands.”
“ Mutual respect is a very important factor in any relationship - more so in marriage. Do remember this not only for your partner but his or her space too.”
Well, my friends this is what I have to say - it is you and only you who can make your life happy or otherwise.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Darkness at Noon
I saw bath room light ON as well as tap running without anyone being there. I had been witness to lights being left ON without anyone in the room or TV ON with no one watching. So keeping the need of energy preservation and environment in mind, I told my family to ensure that lights when not required be switched off and to keep an eye on wastage of water. The response was again “ Papa, you are going senile after 60. You interfere too much”. It was really hurting to hear such words again. Every time I try to tell them to rectify some wrong doing I get such reply. More hurting was that even my wife of 37 years supported such statement. So I decided to go for a walk instead of saying anything more.
There was chill in the air but as sun was up it seemed alright. So I thought of visiting a famous temple about 2 kms away from our house to stabilize my upset mind. While walking a lot went through my mind. I remembered when my children were born. How much we cared for them in their childhood making sure no harm came their way! How we spent sleepless night if any of them was sick! During their schooling and college days how we made sacrifices to ensure that they did not have any shortage! How happy we had been when they were married! Grandchildren brought new meaning to our lives. I was lost in my past world and did not realize that I was close to the temple. The sun had risen to noon height. Still reliving my past, my mind suddenly posed question why is someone bursting crackers? It is not any festival today. And why are people running helter- skelter tripping over each other? Why have vehicle suddenly started speeding up? Why is someone throwing pebbles on my back so hard? It is hurting. Why am I feeling weak? It is so difficult to take another step. Why is my back feeling so wet? Why am I stumbling? Why can I not see? Why is it becoming so dark at noon time?
There was chill in the air but as sun was up it seemed alright. So I thought of visiting a famous temple about 2 kms away from our house to stabilize my upset mind. While walking a lot went through my mind. I remembered when my children were born. How much we cared for them in their childhood making sure no harm came their way! How we spent sleepless night if any of them was sick! During their schooling and college days how we made sacrifices to ensure that they did not have any shortage! How happy we had been when they were married! Grandchildren brought new meaning to our lives. I was lost in my past world and did not realize that I was close to the temple. The sun had risen to noon height. Still reliving my past, my mind suddenly posed question why is someone bursting crackers? It is not any festival today. And why are people running helter- skelter tripping over each other? Why have vehicle suddenly started speeding up? Why is someone throwing pebbles on my back so hard? It is hurting. Why am I feeling weak? It is so difficult to take another step. Why is my back feeling so wet? Why am I stumbling? Why can I not see? Why is it becoming so dark at noon time?
PS : This is my attempt to show what could be the last thoughts of a terrorist attack victim who's mind was wholly occupied with his own world.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Are we using our life as human beings rightly?
Recently I had to attend a condolence meeting. A speaker there narrated a story which I am reproducing below :
A Potter lived on income from earthen pots he made. He used to carry the pots so made to the market on a donkey he had. Once when he went to forest to collect firewood for baking raw pots he saw a small stone which was shining in parts while some parts were not so. He liked it and picked it up. He put it in a sling and put it around neck of his donkey. One day he was going to market with his wares and was accosted by a man who asked him if he would sell that stone to him. Potter agreed and on being asked price demanded Re 1 for it. The man offered half of that but Potter did not agree. So that man thinking that if he moves away Potter may agree to the offered price. But it was not so as another man who was witness to this offered Re 1 and got the stone. On seeing this first man came back and told Potter that keeping company with donkey he has also become as idiot because the stone was an uncut diamond worth Rs 1 lac and by selling it for Re 1 he has lost Rupees Ninety Nine Thousand. To this reply of Potter was “ No, I have not lost this sum. I did not know the value of the stone and thought Re 1 was alright but it is you who has lost this amount as knowing the value you did not do anything to make use of your knowledge.”
He linked it up with our day to day life saying that though we know that we have highly valued life as a human being but what use do we make of this knowledge? Do we do anything for betterment of society we live in or make better relations with others? Are we not wasting our highly valueable life as a human beings in petty squabbles due to our our egos?
I think he has a point here. What do you all say?
A Potter lived on income from earthen pots he made. He used to carry the pots so made to the market on a donkey he had. Once when he went to forest to collect firewood for baking raw pots he saw a small stone which was shining in parts while some parts were not so. He liked it and picked it up. He put it in a sling and put it around neck of his donkey. One day he was going to market with his wares and was accosted by a man who asked him if he would sell that stone to him. Potter agreed and on being asked price demanded Re 1 for it. The man offered half of that but Potter did not agree. So that man thinking that if he moves away Potter may agree to the offered price. But it was not so as another man who was witness to this offered Re 1 and got the stone. On seeing this first man came back and told Potter that keeping company with donkey he has also become as idiot because the stone was an uncut diamond worth Rs 1 lac and by selling it for Re 1 he has lost Rupees Ninety Nine Thousand. To this reply of Potter was “ No, I have not lost this sum. I did not know the value of the stone and thought Re 1 was alright but it is you who has lost this amount as knowing the value you did not do anything to make use of your knowledge.”
He linked it up with our day to day life saying that though we know that we have highly valued life as a human being but what use do we make of this knowledge? Do we do anything for betterment of society we live in or make better relations with others? Are we not wasting our highly valueable life as a human beings in petty squabbles due to our our egos?
I think he has a point here. What do you all say?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Strenght of Family
I have a soft corner for girls. I know, I know many of you would be sniggering ‘this old man has gone over the bend after 60’ – “ Cheeni Kum “ and “ Nishabd “ affect. But do hear me out before you pass such comments. Only after you know of my sound logic as to why I say so, please then you may take digs at me. Let me also make it clear that this is not after Ms Pratibha Patil became President. I had started writing it long ago and was giving finishing touches when she became “ Rashtrapati “.
A girl is discriminated right from the birth, or rather from foetus stage if found out by mal-practice of medical technology. Number of reported foeticides of girlchild are just tip of ice-berg. If she is lucky to survive that stage and arrives in this world, she is mostly welcomed with cold comments like “ Ladki hui hai”. Very few persons, no matter how well educated or advanced, actually rejoice birth of a girl as their child or grandchild. I make this statement keeping in mind literacy rate and urban – rural divide. However I am glad that at least there are some persons, no matter how little, who do show happiness on birth of girlchild. May this tribe increase. This is our inbuilt mentality. We forget that if it was not for survival of a girlchild at some stage we would not have been born. So you see, even before coming to this world a girl faces such overwhelming disadvantage. God forbid if she happens to be second or third girl child in the family. Her journey in the track full of obstacles starts thereafter.
During her growing years her requirements, be it toys, clothes or choice of school / college, are on second priority, worse if she happens to have a boy as sibling. As she grows she learns that she can not be as free as her brother. Naughty pranks of a boy are recounted with much merriment and that of a girl are looked down upon saying nice girls do not do such things. Her way of dressing or choice of friends, going to parties etc is something which is always under scanner, not only by her parents or siblings but even neighbors . A boy with girlfriends makes his parents swell with pride but moment a mother comes to know that her daughter has a boyfriend she loses all semblance to sanity and becomes overly inquisitive to the extent snooping for everything her darling daughter does. She forgets she herself was a young girl once. A girl has equal right for her freedom. A one to one talk can do wonders in such situations but alas we tend to forget this. Well, this goes on and on as injustice to a girl.
After college a boy, if not keen on further studies, looks for a good job but for a girl parents look for a good “match “. There are lot of girls who go to work now but mostly it is out of compulsion in premarriage stage on the part of parents till they can marry her off and economic considerations after marriage to achieve better living standards for the family. There are some career girls but compared to female population their %age is dismal. Even the choice of job is regulated by as to what will people say if she is working late or is in male company most of the time at work place. Boys will be boys is famous saying but when it comes to a girl everyone goes back by a couple of decades if not centuries. A girl even as CEO is always under scanner by everybody, be it seniors, peers, subordinates or outsiders. Even a smallest slip up is attributed to her being a girl.
Now comes the most crucial stage in her life. She has to leave well known environments and move to unfamiliar territory ie move to new family after her marriage. No matter how long she may have known the boy before marriage or his family but it is only living 24 X 7 that you come to know what it is to share life. Thus starts real test of strength for a girl. Inspite of being highly qualified, successful in career she is excepted to adapt herself to new situations and win over everyone. This is where her upbringing comes up for microscopic test. Marriage is supposed to be full of adjustments but more is expected from the girl than boy. This is where a wise & intelligent girl realizes that what can be achieved by gentle way of love and affection can never be obtained by clash of egos. One who becomes an important and most loved member of family by her affectionate & charming ways is the one who will not only make each and everyone have soft corner for her but also make a respected niche in the society. Unfortunately in the present day scenario there are many a girls who instead of being HOME MAKERS become FAMILY BREAKERS. This is mainly because of their sense of insecurity as they try to wean husband away from the mother not realizing that bond between mother & son is different from one between her and the husband. It is a fact that it is difficult for many a mothers to let go of their sons whom they have reared for so many years There is no denying that there are some mother in laws who forget their days as young brides and cast aspersions on the ability of new member to settle down amicably. This friction causes strain not only on the young girl but the whole family, specially when it becomes two sided cold war. A sensible girl will win her mother-in-law to her side with respectful approach and satiating weak points of elder one which generally are need for feeling important and loving care & attention. So you see again it is the girl who has to shoulder the responsibility. Western countries have now come to realization that it is joint family which can stop rot of unhappy marriages leading to divorce and wayward behavior by children of broken homes.
Then comes next stage which is motherhood. She has to undergo all the pangs before becoming a mother while he is free as a bird except taking her to doctor or ensuring she takes her medicines timely. She has to juggle time to balance her career and bringing up child with such dexterity that would make even a skilled male management expert feel envious. She has to play multiple roles - firstly wife, then mother followed by career not forgetting role of family member. It is for sure it is she who moulds future of our nation with what she inculcates in her offsprings. As time passes she has to be a skilled negotiator for rivalry between her offsprings. There is never a time when she can relax as changing times make demands for more strenuous roles – as mother in law she has to see that married youngsters settle down happily and again go to changing nappies as grandmother so that young mothers can acquit themselves well in careers etc.
Now please tell me am I wrong in saying that I have soft corner for girls?
A girl is discriminated right from the birth, or rather from foetus stage if found out by mal-practice of medical technology. Number of reported foeticides of girlchild are just tip of ice-berg. If she is lucky to survive that stage and arrives in this world, she is mostly welcomed with cold comments like “ Ladki hui hai”. Very few persons, no matter how well educated or advanced, actually rejoice birth of a girl as their child or grandchild. I make this statement keeping in mind literacy rate and urban – rural divide. However I am glad that at least there are some persons, no matter how little, who do show happiness on birth of girlchild. May this tribe increase. This is our inbuilt mentality. We forget that if it was not for survival of a girlchild at some stage we would not have been born. So you see, even before coming to this world a girl faces such overwhelming disadvantage. God forbid if she happens to be second or third girl child in the family. Her journey in the track full of obstacles starts thereafter.
During her growing years her requirements, be it toys, clothes or choice of school / college, are on second priority, worse if she happens to have a boy as sibling. As she grows she learns that she can not be as free as her brother. Naughty pranks of a boy are recounted with much merriment and that of a girl are looked down upon saying nice girls do not do such things. Her way of dressing or choice of friends, going to parties etc is something which is always under scanner, not only by her parents or siblings but even neighbors . A boy with girlfriends makes his parents swell with pride but moment a mother comes to know that her daughter has a boyfriend she loses all semblance to sanity and becomes overly inquisitive to the extent snooping for everything her darling daughter does. She forgets she herself was a young girl once. A girl has equal right for her freedom. A one to one talk can do wonders in such situations but alas we tend to forget this. Well, this goes on and on as injustice to a girl.
After college a boy, if not keen on further studies, looks for a good job but for a girl parents look for a good “match “. There are lot of girls who go to work now but mostly it is out of compulsion in premarriage stage on the part of parents till they can marry her off and economic considerations after marriage to achieve better living standards for the family. There are some career girls but compared to female population their %age is dismal. Even the choice of job is regulated by as to what will people say if she is working late or is in male company most of the time at work place. Boys will be boys is famous saying but when it comes to a girl everyone goes back by a couple of decades if not centuries. A girl even as CEO is always under scanner by everybody, be it seniors, peers, subordinates or outsiders. Even a smallest slip up is attributed to her being a girl.
Now comes the most crucial stage in her life. She has to leave well known environments and move to unfamiliar territory ie move to new family after her marriage. No matter how long she may have known the boy before marriage or his family but it is only living 24 X 7 that you come to know what it is to share life. Thus starts real test of strength for a girl. Inspite of being highly qualified, successful in career she is excepted to adapt herself to new situations and win over everyone. This is where her upbringing comes up for microscopic test. Marriage is supposed to be full of adjustments but more is expected from the girl than boy. This is where a wise & intelligent girl realizes that what can be achieved by gentle way of love and affection can never be obtained by clash of egos. One who becomes an important and most loved member of family by her affectionate & charming ways is the one who will not only make each and everyone have soft corner for her but also make a respected niche in the society. Unfortunately in the present day scenario there are many a girls who instead of being HOME MAKERS become FAMILY BREAKERS. This is mainly because of their sense of insecurity as they try to wean husband away from the mother not realizing that bond between mother & son is different from one between her and the husband. It is a fact that it is difficult for many a mothers to let go of their sons whom they have reared for so many years There is no denying that there are some mother in laws who forget their days as young brides and cast aspersions on the ability of new member to settle down amicably. This friction causes strain not only on the young girl but the whole family, specially when it becomes two sided cold war. A sensible girl will win her mother-in-law to her side with respectful approach and satiating weak points of elder one which generally are need for feeling important and loving care & attention. So you see again it is the girl who has to shoulder the responsibility. Western countries have now come to realization that it is joint family which can stop rot of unhappy marriages leading to divorce and wayward behavior by children of broken homes.
Then comes next stage which is motherhood. She has to undergo all the pangs before becoming a mother while he is free as a bird except taking her to doctor or ensuring she takes her medicines timely. She has to juggle time to balance her career and bringing up child with such dexterity that would make even a skilled male management expert feel envious. She has to play multiple roles - firstly wife, then mother followed by career not forgetting role of family member. It is for sure it is she who moulds future of our nation with what she inculcates in her offsprings. As time passes she has to be a skilled negotiator for rivalry between her offsprings. There is never a time when she can relax as changing times make demands for more strenuous roles – as mother in law she has to see that married youngsters settle down happily and again go to changing nappies as grandmother so that young mothers can acquit themselves well in careers etc.
Now please tell me am I wrong in saying that I have soft corner for girls?
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