Share Thoughts & Experiences

LIFE WELL LIVED

2012-01-21T08:35:00.001-08:00

It has been colder than expected in Delhi this winter. Normally after LOHRI cold starts waning but this time it is rather increasing. And that had FROZEN my thoughts too it seems as I have been absent for more than normal. Today I decided cold or no cold I have to tell you something which I have come across recently.

About 15 days ago an old gentleman, whom I used to see off and on while on morning walk with my dog, spoke to me. He said, “ Keeping a dog makes one go for walks regularly.” And that is how we got to know each other. Let me say he is Mr Nath. He is little more than 10 years elder to me but keeps fit by regular walks. He retired as a senior officer from central government and has been living in this area since it’s inception. Over next couple of meeting we got to know each other well. What I learnt really touched my heart.

He and his wife shifted here when this locality was developed. They have only one child, a son. He was brought up with lot of love but inculcating values also. He did well in studies and became a doctor specializing in medicine. He is in a reputed hospital as Head of Department. He was told that he could choose a girl of his choice for marriage but he left it to them to find his would be wife. They after a lot of search settled for a girl from a family well known to them. She after PhD was teaching in a reputed college. They insisted that boy and girl must meet before any decision was taken. On meeting both, the boy & girl, liked each other and consented. They were married about 12 years ago. They all were living together. It was about 6 months after marriage that girl started telling her husband that they should live separately. Their son did not agree and she went over to her parent’s place for delivery. She had twins, a boy and girl. But she did not return asking him to agree to her demand. When Mr Nath came to know of this he told his son that it would be wise to live separately for overall happiness and their grandchildren living with both parents. His son did not agree. So when this locality was developing he opted for a house here knowing that his son will not be keen to shift due to his job. On getting possession of house he and his wife shifted here. Soon after that their daughter in law joined her husband. Now it is almost 10 years that they are here. Their daughter in law had started asking them to shift back with them within a few months as she was unable to cope with two growing children as well as her job but he was firm that they would not as they started doing something for the society.

They run a teaching center in their house for students from economically weaker section where they help out students of all classes from 1^st to 10^th for revision of their lessons and doing home work outside school hours. The students are with them from 9 in the morning till 6 in the evening depending on which school shift they are in. They charge each student Rs 25 as he says that if anything is free people think it is not worth it. But the money they get is used to give books or stationary for needy ones or food to students who are with them during that time. They hardly go out on working days and even on week ends students keep coming to them for guidance. Their son & daughter in law visit them couple of times a month with children. Grandchildren stay with them on some week ends. But they visit their house very rarely.

I salute this couple who let themselves be denied of enjoying comfortable life in old age but living a principled life with doing something admirable.

FUN IN LIFE

2012-01-09T08:04:00.001-08:00

A couple of days ago I had gone to market. It was around 11:30 am or so. Suddenly I saw someone who looked very familiar. As I came closer it struck me that we had been colleagues about 30 years ago. We shared many a similar thoughts but our relationship was sweet and sour. It was basically due to nature of my job and his position in the organization. He too looked at me trying to place me. On my saying hello with warmth, he too responded with equal gusto. We spoke to each other may be for 5 minutes trying to catch up how things are. On parting we exchanged our mobiles numbers. His name was still eluding me but after some time I recalled it as, let us say Sharma. So I saved his number on my mobile to call up later and speak at leisure.

In the evening my mobile rang and showed it was Sharma calling. So I picked up and said,” Hello Sharma , so nice of you to call up.”

There was a little pause and then the caller asked,” How did you know it was me calling up?”

I,” Stop joking, did we not exchange numbers in the morning.”

He,” We never met today. Are you dreaming as usual or what?”

I,” Enough friend. I am so happy that we met in the market after so many years.”

There was loud guffaw and then he somehow managed to say,” I met you? Don’t tell me you took a swing in the morning itself as you were quite stickler for drinking only after sunset.”

Now I was quite puzzled. Then he told,” You met Verma in the morning and I got your number from him.”

Verma also was a colleague around the same time at the same place. So the memory played good trick making me get in touch with two old friends.

NEW YEAR HUMOUR

2012-01-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

Life is what you make of it. So let me start my this year’s posts with humour. The jokes I am going to share are with due apologies to my lawyer friends here.

A lawyer was asked by someone in a party as to how much does he charge per question. His reply was Rs 500 for 3 questions. The person said, “ Is this not high?” The lawyer told, “ Yes, it is. What is your third question?”.

A lawyer was just getting into his car when he got hit by a speeding vehicle. He saw that door of his brand new expensive car had been ripped off. He started shouting, “ Oh! Door of my new car is gone.” One of the passersby told him,” You are worried about your car door and have not seen that your left arm is gone.” The lawyer started moaning,” Oh! My new Rolex Watch.”

In late evening two cars met with accident on a crossing. The cars were damaged but the drivers were not hurt but just shaken. They got out of the car and inspected damage. One of them asked other as to what was his occupation. On being told he was doctor, the first one said, “ Don’t you think a shot of brandy will calm the nerves?” Doctor, “ Yes.” The other person pulled out a bottle of brandy from his car and offered it to the doctor. Doctor took a swig and offered it back. But he was told to take another swig as the first one was too less. Doctor obliged. On returning the bottle he found other person putting lid back. Doctor, “ Are you not having it?” Reply was,” No. I will wait for the police to come first.” He happened to be a lawyer.

A man came to post office with a huge bundle of Valentines cards for dispatch. The postmaster was curious. He asked to see one of the cards. It was with impression of lipstick in lips shape with Guess Who written below. Postmaster said,” Oh! You have so many girlfriends.” The man,” No. I am sending it to men as I am a divorce lawyer.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR --- 2012

2011-12-31T00:48:00.000-08:00

Wish you all Very Happy New Year. May 2012 be just the way each one of you want it to be for yourself.

COMPLETION OF PREVIOUS POST

2011-12-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

In the beginning of my previous post I had said that we all need space to do something or the other and also that we do not want anyone to hear our personal conversation. Further I had written about what I had observed without making any judgement and asked for opinion from you all. Surprisingly some of you felt that I had thought of her adversely. Most of you rightly deduced that she may be talking to her mother. I do not know her except that they stay in the block next to our and have seen her father in law at times with his grandson when I go with our granddaughter to the park. We are just on hello hello terms.

Now coming to the rest of the post :

One of their neighbors is also a dog lover and has a dog. We often meet while walking our dogs. That is how we got talking in general. He had been with me a few times when I observed what I stated. I did not say anything on this. A few days ago he told me about her.

She has been married for a little over 5 years. Though it was an arranged marriage, they had met a few times to get to know each other. Soon after marriage she started insisting that they should stay separately. Even her mother told her in laws that they should live independently. Her father in law had told that it was upto their son to do what he wished and neither he would interfere nor he would like anyone to do so. Her husband being the only son wanted parents to stay with them and he had made it clear to her before marriage which she had agreed to. Her father in law is retired government officer who contributes to family expenses from his pension. She still kept pestering him to separate out and at times there were ugly spats between the couple which the neighbors were witness to. Her in laws are non-interfering and have told their son to live separately if that brings peace in his life. He is not keen as he had told that if they did so there will be immense interference from her mother who is extremely overbearing. This young lady is still not reconciled and keeps on with her demand off & on. Her young son is taken care of by her in laws but as soon as she comes back from office she takes him to her room shutting the door inspite of young boy saying that he wants to be with granny. This he said that he had seen few times when he was in their house at that time. Her mother seldom visits as she understands that due to her interference she is not welcome warmly. It is well known that she still keeps on instigating her daughter to keep up with her demand and wants her to keep updating her on each and every thing happening in the house. This young lady seems to be controlled to a large extent by her mother.

I strongly feel that after marriage one should not interfere in daughter’s affairs unless it is deemed necessary due to domestic violence, mental or physical for which recourses are available. Let the couple settle down and accept that there will be some differences in any couple, specially newly married. All the more reason to severe umbilical cord if her in laws treat her with due respect and love. And one should use freedom or space judiciously and not for creating disharmony.

YOUR OPINION, PLEASE.

2011-12-22T04:01:00.001-08:00

It is an open secret that we all need space to do something or the other. We do not like anyone to overhear personal conversation, specially some official matter or when in relationship. With advent of mobile telephony it has become quite easy to do so. Now what made me say all this –

When I take our dog out after her morning meal I see a young lady of mid 20s escorting her about 4 years old son to school bus stop on working days. On most of the days while coming back she is on her mobile. She stays in block next to ours. She keeps pacing infront of the block and talking for some time before moving in. If she sites her husband or either of her in laws, she hurriedly discontinues talking. I know she is working lady but I wonder who she could be talking to at that early hour in the morning.

I invite your opinions on this.

TO LEARN FROM CHILDREN

2011-12-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our d i l had organized a party for children to celebrate birthday of our granddaughter who turned 4. Our daughter and her husband made little ones play games. The children seemed to be enjoying dancing away to music. I was taking photographs and keeping an eye if any child seemed aloof. After children left, the party continued as we had some guests and their children. It was quite a fun. Today morning I asked our granddaughter as to how was the party. Her response was short, “ Good “ and she continued with what she was doing – playing with dolls she had got. I realized that instead of reminiscing about past she has just moved on to present.

This brought to my mind what I have seen many a times in the small park in the society where children gather to play in the evenings. There are some discords or the other between some of them, with young boys even coming to fisticuffs, but within a short span of time I have seen them again on buddy buddy terms and playing. They move on and get over whatever it might have been.

This set me thinking why can we grownups not learn to move on like that and get over past to live happily in present. We too in our childhood must have moved on from all such petty things but at what age did we start keeping grudges? We must learn to be child again to forgive and forget.

SILVER LINING

2011-12-12T06:57:00.001-08:00

My wife had been telling me for quite some time that she would like to visit our family jewelers in Karol Bagh for updating few items. I had been culprit of dilly dallying but yesterday I agreed on one condition that we would go by Metro. She agreed and I was very happy because it takes just 40 minutes by Metro while by car it takes more than an hour due to traffic as well as hassles of finding proper parking place. So off we went around 11:45 am.

We boarded the Metro and found that though it was not crowded like buses but there were no vacant seats. So we stood holding onto support rails. As the train moved a lady in mid 20s or so who was occupying a ladies seat got up and offered her place to my wife. She insisted that my wife sit while she would stand. I was quite surprised at her gesture. Within a minute or so a young boy of about 18 or 20 got up offering his place to me. I asked that lady to sit but she declined asking me to sit. I saw an elderly lady of my age or so standing a little ahead, so I asked her to take that place. She showed gratitude and sat down. And lo behold! Another young man of early 20s got up to make me sit at his place. While sitting I saw two young girls of 18 or so occupying two seats meant for “ Elderly or Handicapped Persons” and chit chatting away without any botheration for co-passengers who could be rightful persons to sit there.

After we finished our work we again boarded Metro for return journey. This time the train was very crowded. There was a man sitting along with a lady in place meant for two ladies and he made place by pushing towards other side asking my wife to sit. Again within a minute a young person of mid 20s got up offering me to take his place.

These two incidents made me feel that there is still silver lining and there still are some good Samaritans who care for elderly. This specially after my experience at that Bank branch which I wrote about in previous post.

May the breed of such persons prosper as each one of us will reach old age.

WHY MAKE MOCKERY?

2011-12-08T05:14:00.000-08:00

I normally go to do chores relating to Bank or payment of bills to MTNL / BSES post lunch as it is generally less crowded. Most of these have arrangements to give priority to senior citizens. Boards are displayed prominently to say that. It is really a blessing as this allows one to avoid exertion at advancing age.

Yesterday I had to visit local branch of major government bank to deposit cash into someone’s account before noon. I had visited that branch a few times earlier to put my cheque in drop box provided for credit card payment. As expected there were a number of persons but almost all were seated in the chairs lined up along the walls. I did not see any long queues. I was impressed by this orderly way. After I filled up the required pay in slip I looked around for the counter to do the needful. I could not see any such caged cashier window. On my asking the watchman told me to take a token from the vending machine and see the directions given on the electronic board for which SINGLE WINDOW to go to. It seemed all fine. I took the token and saw that my number had another 40 + persons ahead of me. As all the seats were occupied, I stood in a place so as not to obstruct anyone. It was after a wait of almost 50 minutes that I was directed to window number X. The paying in took just about 2 minutes. While standing all this while I read a lot of boards informing customers about various services offered by the said Bank. One of the boards displayed prominently said “ We give preference to Senior Citizens”. After I had finished my work, I could not resist meeting the Branch Manager to request him to remove the said board as I felt this was a mockery or make some provision to honour it.

SOLUTION? Part 2 and concluded

2011-12-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Let me first of all clarify some points as I was disturbed after going through some of the comments in the previous post :

a. I am sure that you will agree with me that reel life is often inspired by incidents of real life.

b. My aim of sharing this is not to sensationalize it but to understand what went wrong and why. And what lessons can be drawn.

c. My friend and I have a lot of common beliefs, one of those is - anyone can condemn a wrong doer but our true worth is in redeeming that person. My friend being the emotionally affected person withdrew into himself leaving me to do what I felt was correct action.

Keeping the above in view I am now narrating rest of what happened that day and subsequently. This is going to be a long post but I did not want to break it up adding to my agony as I treat her as family member.

We moved to Coffee Bar which was quite deserted at that time. I guided them to sit at far end in an alcove. My friend looked drained out and weak. She was crying silently. Once we were settled and waiter had taken our order, I looked at my friend nodding to convey that I will do my best. He conveyed his agreement by nod. I asked her as to tell what was going on. She just looked down and continued crying. She murmured repeatedly with downcast eyes “ Sorry. Please forgive me.” After our order was served, I had to coax her to have coffee. As we sat in silence all through while having coffee, it became apparent that she was not likely to speak in his presence. He understood that and told me that he would go back to seminar lest someone comes looking for him. He thus left us alone.

It took all my persuasive powers to convince her that we wanted to protect her and that was possible only if she shared what happened. She said that she did not do it willingly but it was out of compulsions. She asked me to help her in saving her marriage. Once I convinced her that aim was that she started talking. A little cajoling was needed in between to make her continue whenever she hesitated due to feeling shy to reveal details. She poured her heart out. I am putting what she said in a narrative form in first person on her behalf with little moderation of language :

“ We are two siblings, brother is younger by little over 2 years. I have been good looking right from childhood. My father had been very strict with me for everything but not so much with my brother. My mother did not support me as she felt scared of him. As I grew up I felt this discrimination more even in small things like enjoying chocolates or cold drinks or going out to stay overnight with friends. I felt starved for affection. This made me look for attention and affection from others. I also craved for such denied pleasures and looked for way to have these outside his watchful eyes.

I was about 10 years old when an uncle shifted to a house closeby. He visited us with his wife and children who were much older to me. He used to offer me chocolates or toffees at times when he found me playing with friends. One day he asked me to come inside his house offering a cold drink. Once inside he made me sit in his lap while he held a Coca Cola in his hand. Though I was not keen but attraction of cold drink made me do his bidding. While I was sipping cold drink, he kept moving his hands all over me telling how sweet I was. I knew it was not alright and my father will beat me if he comes to know but having that drink made me forget all that. After that he off and on took me inside the house on pretext of offering something or the other and every time he fondled my budding breasts or touched my privates mostly over clothes. I did not like it as it felt wrong but temptation of having something denied by my father outweighed it. And frankly at times I liked his attention and touch. This lead to my thinking that there is no harm if I can get what I want by letting a person do little touching me or so. However they moved off from that house in another 2 or 3 months.

I was in an all girls school in our locality and as such did not have any contact with boys except those related to my class mates or friends. I did not dare to speak to any of those when alone due to fear of my father. As I moved to college which was co-ed and in another locality at good distance from our house I came in contact with boys. It felt strange but pleasant. After a couple of months I became very friendly with one boy. He paid a lot of attention to me. We talked to each other very freely. He used to treat me at good eating places in close vicinity to our college and at times we went to see movies, mainly English, during our free time. In the dark movie hall he used to either hold my hand or put his arm across my shoulders. He was from another town. He and his two friends stayed in two room accommodation close to college. At times we used to take my favourite dishes and eat at his place with his friends or alone. He also used to take chilled beer sometimes but I used to take just a few sips from his glass. Again it was attraction of doing something my father prohibited which made it exciting. I accepted his hugging or kissing as part of our relationship. Gradually we developed more intimacy. Once when we were alone and I was feeling highly aroused by his intense kissing plus heavy petting, he positioned himself on top of me. Before I could realize he had started making love. Initially I made efforts in vain to push him off but soon gave it up as I started liking the sensation. I cried after that but he consoled me saying that he felt I wanted it as the way I was pressing myself against him and it was culmination of our love. He further added that he would marry me at appropriate time. I felt a sense of exhilaration as if I had won a point against my overbearing father. Thereafter thinking that now it was done, there was no harm in doing it again, I continued this with him whenever we could till we finished college. After that he went back to his town promising me to remain in touch but never called up or wrote.

I completed MBA and wanted to work. My father let me on one condition that I hand over my salary to him and he would give me money for my needs. I had no option but it was painful to get money from him as he negated my reasons mostly. I used to get limited pocket money within which I had to pay our canteen bills. I thus at time had refused to attend office parties as I could ill afford to pay my share. My boss was quite young, a couple of years older than me and a bachelor. He mostly conveyed his appreciation for my hard work. This motivated me to work harder as well have soft corner for him. I never refused any additional task given by him. He used to offer me tea or coffee whenever we worked together on any project. It seems he had judged me correctly. At times we used to go out for meeting clients and on such occasions he used to treat me to lunch etc. He used to crack double meaning jokes and touch my hand or put arm across while we were alone in restaurant or office. He sort of pampered me. It was about six months after I started working that we had to meet an important client in nearby town. We were to go in the morning and return by evening. On reaching there after a couple of hours drive we learnt that he had to go out of town suddenly due to his father falling sick. My boss suggested that we start back after lunch which I agreed to. We went to a small resort just outside the town on our way back. He asked me to wait in the car while he went to reception. On return he drove the car to a hut type cottage telling that he had ordered food which would be served there. The single room cottage was not very big but spacious enough to accommodate a double bed, a small dressing table and couple of chairs with a centre table. There was TV and attached washroom. We were both in formals, he was in suit while I was in trousers with tucked in shirt and sleeveless jacket. The food was served and there were a few bottles of beer also. On his insistence I accepted a glass of beer. He put on some music channel playing romantic melodies. He took off his coat and tie saying it seemed too formal and laughingly assisted me to remove my jacket. He kept refilling my glass. After some beer I felt gay abandonment, giggling on his non-veg jokes. We continued having beer for some more time then he suddenly came over to me, pulling me to my feet and kissed me saying he could not resist as I looked so ravishing. This made me feel happily proud. He guided me to bed and we sat down. He kept holding me close and kissed me fiercely which made me respond with equal gusto. I was feeling such sensations that I made no effort to resist when he removed my shirt. His manipulations made me gasp and I did not even know when we shed clothes. After we had made love, reality hit me hard. We quietly dressed up and returned. Next day I did not feel like going to office but thought of making excuses to my father forced me to go. He behaved as if nothing had happened which was fine with me. We carried on with work as usual but I felt uneasy calm and a knot in the pit of my stomach. It was a couple of days later when I was discussing some project with him when he asked me to come towards his side to watch something on his laptop. I was dumbstruck to see it was recording of that cottage focused on the bed. Though it was bit hazy but we both were recognizable. It seems he had surreptitiously video-recorded it on his mobile placing it facing the bed. He then told me it was safe with him as long as I did not deny him what he asked for. After that I had to satisfy him as and when and whatever way he demanded. A couple of months later he told me that he would like me to please a friend of his but I refused saying that I would rather commit suicide. It was a month after that I got married and when I joined back I learnt that he had moved out to another company. That however did not give me any respite as he kept asking me sometimes to meet him even when I begged him to leave me alone as I am married. He is the one you saw me with today.”

On my asking she gave me his name and where he was working. She also told me she had learnt that he got married a month ago. She had kept crying while telling all this and pleaded that she wanted to save marriage as this was first time in her life that she found freedom with so much trust adding that to work or not was left to her and no one asked about her salary.

We moved out to reception and on calling up my friend came over. He told that seminar was almost over and he is ready to move. She had her car but I did not want her to go alone. So I told my friend that I will accompany her and he could drop me once we reach his place. On way back I requested her to take leave for few days and not to take any calls from him or any unknown number. If by chance he did get through to her she should politely tell him that she would call later, though I did not expect him to call up. When my friend dropped me home, I briefly told him that she is victim of blackmail due to her old folly. We put our heads together and made a plan to save her from that situation. He agreed not to say anything to anyone.

I spoke to some persons in corporate world to get information on that person. I made it seem as if I was interested to meet him for some CSR project. I struck gold as one of my contacts knew him but did not have very high opinion about him. He told that his reputation was very bad as he is alleged to have ruined life of a few girls. He told me that he had left company I was talking about as he got married to the only child of a well settled businessman and joined him. He promised to find out more and let me know later.

Next day, Sunday, I went to my friend’s house as per plan. I wanted to gauge how would his son react on this issue. I had seen him grow up and knew that he has taken after his father in many ways. When I told him that I wanted to have a word, he said that he had a feeling something was amiss as his father seemed little too preoccupied while his wife seemed close to tears all the time. He further added that he firmly believes in past is past as long as one does not revive it. So I told him that his wife was being blackmailed due to some indiscretion in the past. He offered to do whatever needed as he knew she did not have very happy childhood. So armed with this I went ahead with our plan.

On Monday afternoon I got a call from my source with more information. It emerged that his father in law is a man of the world. He took all possible precautions to safeguard his daughter’s wellbeing and future. She is MBA in finance and has been working with her father since her college days. She was well versed in his business. As he was not keeping good health he had drawn a will to pass on everything in her name. She was already in control of most of the things. She was also aware of greedy nature of persons and as such was on guard for that. Though he was with them in business but did not have any important hold. My contact had also been able to find names of two girls with whom he was linked in the past.

I shared this incident with you on Monday evening but upto her seeing us and our moving down.

This additional information made me realize that he had married for cushy life and will not be in a position to face divorce. This made my further task easy. Otherwise I was thinking of asking help from another friend who is a retired senior police officer.

On Wednesday, I with my friend and his son went to his office. I requested the young man to wait in the car. Though I knew he would not do anything inappropriate but still did not want him to meet that person. That “gentleman” was shocked to see us both there. He quickly ushered us in what seemed to be his office. Before he could say anything, I asked him if he would like to discuss what I had in mind or would he prefer that we invited his father in law and wife also. He could not say anything so I introduced myself and my friend giving our past occupations and also told him that husband to that girl was waiting in the car outside. He turned pale and asked us to let him off. I told him that if he ever harassed the girl again, I will come with her and named other two girls to meet his wife. He started perspiring. On my repeating what I said he just kept nodding his head that he will abide by what I said. He was stunned when I asked him to open that video on his laptop. He at first denied having it but on my insistence with threat to call police for help, he told that after copying it on CD he had deleted it. We believed him as he was so terrified. I asked for the CD which he reluctantly took out of his briefcase and handed over. After checking it’s authenticity on his PC I broke it in four pieces and put in my pocket. I asked for his mobile but he stated that after uploading it on laptop he had deleted it. However to be sure I did check his mobile. We left him with another warning that if he wanted to continue with happy life he should never again call up or make any effort to contact this girl.

On reaching the car I told her husband that matter is closed to our satisfaction. He thanked me and said that he is not interested in any more details. Later after he had reached us home and left for office, I advised her that she may join office on coming Monday but be careful in future. Also I requested her not to hesitate in sharing if she faces any problem in future.

Now I only hope and pray that it remains peaceful and also I do not face such situation ever again.

I would like to request you not to be a HAUWAA ( Demon ) for your children, specially girls, but to be accessible to them, make them confident to share their dreams, insecurities, wants, aspirations and curiosities without any fear.

SOLUTION?

2011-11-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday I was enjoying cup of tea after morning walk before next chore of grooming our dog when there was a call on my mobile. As it was little early for telemarketing calls I picked up expecting it to be from someone well known. Sure enough, it was from a good friend whom I had known for more than 20 years and we had been in the same organisation at one point of time. I had shifted to another. We shared a lot of common interests and outlooks to life. Though we did not meet so regularly but kept in regular touch updating each other. He told me that he had just got an invitation to attend a seminar on rural development with emphasis on role of women in it and since I am associated with a NGO working on same issues he wanted me to join him. I had just half an hour to get ready as he was coming to pick me up to reach venue which was a decent hotel in NCR, about 30 to 40 minutes drive from our place.

We got there well in time and found that the persons were still trickling in. We completed registration formalities and were enjoying a cup of coffee near entry to conference hall when I noticed him go still suddenly. He was looking intently towards reception of the hotel which was a little distance away. I followed his gaze and saw a couple standing there facing the receptionist. The man took what looked like keys and the couple turned to go towards lifts. I realized that the girl was daughter in law of my friend. He muttered something like “ What is she doing here?” By then the couple had gone out of our sight. He turned towards me and told that she had left before him saying that she had to go to office for task review meeting. I told him that may be the meeting was here but he did not take that. He then told me that he would like to find out what was it and asked for my help. I advised him to let it be as it might not be something worth it. But he was firm and requested for my help. I then told him that he speaks to her when she gets home or we meet her here to let her know we have seen her. He chose second. So we sauntered to reception and I told the girl there that I knew the man who had just left reception but was unable to recall his name adding if he was attending the seminar or was staying there. She told me with little smirk that he was neither but being a good friend of their Director Marketing, he visits them off & on to utilize room facility for an hour or so. I told her that it was not that important but I was just thinking to say hello to him if possible. She informed in conspiratorial tone that they are not to be disturbed till he orders something. I asked her if she could let me know if we could see him later. She agreed and gave us the room number. So we returned to seminar which was about to start. He was lost in his thoughts and I too felt little upset after learning what we did.

We went back to reception after little less than an hour. She told us that they will be leaving in another ten to fifteen minutes as he had ordered coffee and snacks. So we went upto the room. It was a corner room at the end of passage. I restrained my friend from knocking , telling him that let her come out and find us there. Next five minutes were real agonizing while waiting near the window at the end of passage overlooking main road.

She was stunned and turned pale on seeing us when she came out of the room. Before my friend could say anything, I told her that we would talk later once we are free to do so and steered him away. I kept an eye to ensure that they were following us. We went down together in the same lift and I kept holding onto his arm to see that he does not say anything. That man looked as if he gauged the situation and as soon as lift reached ground floor he quickly muttered something to her and moved off at brisk pace.

PS : This will become a long post, so I will share what happened after that in next post.

FORTY YEARS!

2011-11-20T09:01:00.001-08:00

Today evening 40 years ago we got married. I have already said how was this journey in my post TERE BIN JEENA.... a few days ago. It has been sugar and spice in right mix. So here is something what people say to bring little smile :

A couple on their Golden Jubilee relived their honeymoon. When they returned, friend in the bar asked him how was it. He told that everything was same, they went to same hill station, stayed in the same hotel, they got the same room and stayed for the same number of days. He looked a little sad. On asking he said,” But there was one difference, last time it was she who cried but this time it was me.”

Wife got up in the middle of night to find husband missing. On looking she found him sitting in the living room crying. She was alarmed and on her asking the reason, he asked,” Do you know today we complete 25 years of marriage?”

She,” Oh, yes! Isn’t that lovely?”

He,” Remember your father who was in police had caught us doing naughty things and put a gun on my head saying that if I did not consent to marry you he would have me locked up in jail for 25 years?”

She,” Yes, how sweet of you to have chosen the former!”

He,” You know, had I not, today I would have been a free man.”

Young boy,” Daddy, do you spell marriage as m i r a g e?”

Father,” No son, but they are very akin.”

Friends were discussing how they fail to win an argument with wife and they were surprised when a meek looking man said that in any argument with his wife he has the last word. On their insistence he told, “ I always say I AM SORRY.?

Marriage – It is an institution where a man forfeits his bachelor’s degree while a woman gains master’s degree by default.

FOLLOW UP ON PREVIOUS POST

2011-11-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

There was response as expected to my previous post. After first two comments I realized that it is required to tell that I am talking about Legalizing Corruption. That is why I added PS to the post.

I am giving below some of the comments and my replies for you all to decide if what I say is right :

Kanupriya said...

Who was this role model???

November 14, 2011 11:17 AM

Neha said...

What is this about, Jack uncle? I seem to be lagging behind in all matters related to general affairs these days :(

November 14, 2011 9:19 PM

sulagna ™ said...

ya.jack uncle whom are we talking about..i know you probably will not eb able to write the name but do drop me a mail .

Movingcloud said...

Hello Jack!

His idea about legalizing corruption is not complete without saying 'Legalizing Only Paying Bribe' not entire give & take.

If a person accepts bribe he is punishable.

The suggestion has sarcasm, wherein its accepting the fact that things in India aren't moving without paying bribe at all.

If you dont pay the bribe your work is highly impacted & paying bribe is illegal or if payee succumbs he may be booked for the offence as well.

Imagine corporates announcing in their annual reports - We have paid so many crores for a babu in this dept & we have paid so much for another politician etc for they wont do their work normally...

Its his frustration that he put it like that saying only legalizing bribe giving is left, for companies to work in a competitive world....

Am in the same field & was in the same company before.. we keep hearing so & so asked so much bribe for so & so proj. After 3 months some company would get the same project for higher cost & lower quality bcos you know they 'paid him'...

Btw am not supporting the idea of legalizing corruption..

November 15, 2011 4:13 AM

Mannu said...

Work Hastening Fees ! He has a point, uncle Jack. U see, in case of Passport making, there is one system of "Tatkal" which has higher charges than normal route of 2 months, which in a sense is 'legalisation of corruption'. Problme and irony and funny part is __ even in 'Tatkal', the passport gets delayed unless u "bribe" him. ! So the other young man, (myself being first one:p) loses the strength of his argument, although not the truth of it.
Same applies in Train 'Tatkal' services.
In short, we should conclude that bribe is something which has to be necessarily 'il-legally' paid..and if u make bribe 'legal' by any form and make-over, it loses it's charm.
Just as sex is pleasure as long as it is secret and amorous. After marriage, couples lose interest.
Rape is forceful and only the victim has right to claim f it different from a consensual sex. Maybe then, lesson is that let 'monetary exchanges', a la Bribe, happen, but still have a panel to adjudge the event should any person, a la the victim, rise up to put his claim that it is Corruption.
Important point will be-- 1) To have an Institution to adjudg the claim. 2) the instituion should work fairly, and itself not become subject to 'monetary exchanges'. 3) Adjudging of claims for the cases when third party has risen it who has suffered his interest his the monetary exchange. (in Carnal descriptives, it is like a spouse making claim of cheating, an Adultry).

Quite a lesson and analogy to understand the Corruption ! Good work.!:-)

November 15, 2011 8:40 AM

Jack said...

KANUPRIYA :

A few days ago it was in ToI telling of one member of India Inc making such statement and again on 14 Nov it was repeated naming Mr Adi Godrej backing suggestion of Mr Kaushik Basu, Chief Economic Adviser to legalize bribes. He of course put a rider in his backing with maximum limit. I have scanned this news but have not been able to paste it in my post for you all to read it. Take care

NEHA :

Please read what I told Kanupriya above. Take care

SULAGNA :

I have told Kanupriya above who it was. You may read that. Take care

RIA :

Please read my reply to Kanupriya above. Take care

November 17, 2011 5:03 AM

MOVINGCLOUD :

Welcome to my space. I do not think it was said in that speech that takers will be punished. If he meant it as sarcastic remark on inefficiency of Government to curb corruption, it is well said but if it is in serious note, well then I stick to what I said. I too have had enough exposure in corporates and have been able to avoid it most of the times. I would have welcomed if he had said " LET US ALL FROM BIG HOUSES TAKE A PLEDGE NOT TO PAY BRIBES TO GET ANY WORK DONE NO MATTER EVEN IF IT MEANS WE STAND TO LOSE A CONTRACT OR ANYTHING. WE SHOULD NOT LET OUR COMPETITION LEAD TO THIS CANCER. Take care

MANU :

TATKAL service is on paying higher fee officially and that does not go into the pocket of concerned BABU. Even in that there are greedy BABUs who will ask for MITHAI. What you say by forming an institution to adjudge if it is corruption or not amounts to saying that IF RAPE IS COMMITTED WITHOUT MUCH OF VIOLENCE IT MAY NOT BE CALLED RAPE. Please read my reply to Movingcloud above. Take care

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

2011-11-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

I am struck so numb and speechless by what a very prominent, intelligent, highly educated and role model for many youngsters has suggested which amounts to - if a criminal activity cannot be curbed or controlled, it be legalized and given a fancy name. And there are some takers for this. May I have audacity to ask them should we not legalize RAPE too as that too seems difficult to curb or control and what he suggested for legalization is nothing short of Rape of our Nation?

PS : This has been necessitated after first 2 comments as I felt that the main issue may escape memory. Suggestion was made to legalize CORRUPTION and a fancy name, something like hastening fee for work, was suggested for it.

PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT THIS

2011-11-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

This I am sharing with a heavy heart. Yesterday we had to attend cremation of a young girl of 25 years and married just over 8 months ago. She is alleged to have committed suicide by hanging herself. I never expected her to do that as not only her parents are well educated, she too was professionally qualified. She was our niece from wife’s side. I had seen her grow from baby to fine young lady. Though we did not meet very frequently but were in regular touch with them.

What made me share this is due to what I learnt. I am told that she had told her mother few times that she was being ill treated and even beaten for various reasons including dowry. She had shown bruises to her but her parents for the sake of not letting their prestige be tarnished told her to adjust and settle down. They did not tell anyone about this situation, not even her DADI ( grandmother ). It is said that there was a fight prior to what happened. I do not know whether she was killed or committed suicide, but if it was later, she was driven to it as she did not expect any support from her parents. Looking at them wailing, I felt that would they ever be able to overcome their feeling of guilt. For her untimely departure from this world, I hold them as much responsible as her husband and in laws.

I know that in any marriage there are some hiccups before settling down, minor or even major but when it comes to physical violence, it is a BIG NO NO.

My sincere advice to girls is PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT PHYSICAL VIOLENCE under any circumstances. If parents are not supportive, share this with someone you trust. And for parents, PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO MAKE ALL LOOK GOODY GOODY lest you face similar situation.

TERE BIN JEENA........ ( LIVING WITHOUT YOU..)

2011-10-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

Bholu did not stop wailing even after few days elapsed since his wife had passed away. All efforts to console him were met with rather louder wailing. His close friend, Janu, asked him why was he still weeping while he had controlled himself within a day or so when his parents passed away. Bholu told him, “ When my father died every elder man in the village told me not to worry as he is there for me and when my mother died every elderly lady told me not to cry as she is there for me but now since his wife has died not a single woman has told me not to worry as she is there for me.”

Jokes apart, it is so true - No one can take place of partner.

What prompted me to write this is as I had met a very dear friend of mine after a long time in the gettogether which I mentioned in my post Think Positive. He had lost his wife many years ago. Though he appeared cheerful but I could see his feeling of loneliness at times. This made me think about how would one feel on loss of partner.

We complete 40 years of married life next month and we have had ( still have at times ) our share of arguments, quarrels, KUTTI ( not on speaking terms ) at times, disagreements but at the end of the day we both know that we are there for each other. I could not bring myself to think about life without her as it made my eyes so moist. Rather on reflections I felt that I could have been more understanding and supportive. So I am now more on making ourselves happier, if I make her happy it comes back with interest.

My request to you all is that please do give honest thought as to how would you feel in such case. That may make you change some of your ways for the better.

HAPPY DIWALI

2011-10-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

This is to wish you all a VERY HAPPY DIWALI. May God bless you with whatever you wish.

Here is something to make you smile :

Mohan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Diwali Party. Mohan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Mohan had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Mohan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Neha"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Mohan asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: Rs 650. Hot Breakfast: Rs 25. Two Aspirins: Rs 0. 50. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Hello, is this the Narcotic Department?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Sohan! He is hiding marijuana inside his jumbled up garage." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Narcotic agents descend on Sohan's house. They search the garage taking everything out and cleaning it thoroughly, but find no marijuana. They put the things back. They swore at Sohan and left... The phone rings at Sohan's house:
"Hey, Sohan, Roshan here! Did the Narcotic agents come?"
"Yes!"
"Did they clean up your garage?"
"Yes."
"Happy Diwali, Dost"

DEALING WITH CHILDREN

2011-10-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

I am sharing with you all what I wrote in Nov 2009 with little additions as I felt need for this after seeing some incidents in our society : -

I read following two snippets way back in 1969 or 1970 and if my memory does not fail me it was in Readers’ Digest.

A young boy of 3 years or so was asked his name by someone and he replied, “ Jimmy No.”. It was explained that his parents always kept telling him “Jimmy No” whenever he did something they did not want. So he took No as part of his name.

A young man walking on the beach saw a girl of about 2 years playing very close to the sea running towards the waves and running back when waves touched her legs. Her mother was sitting few yards away watching her daughter intently. He asked her as to why does she not stop the girl from going towards sea as it was dangerous but the mother did not respond and kept looking at the girl without shifting her gaze. Suddenly mother sprang up rushing towards the girl who had almost got swept away by strong wave and brought her out of water. On reaching the man she said, “ If I had stopped her from playing the way she was, she would do so when she is alone and not being watched. Now she knows the danger and so she herself would be careful in future.”

These left a lasting impression on my mind.

A year or so later I heard a young girl of about 8 years telling a lady, “ Go ahead and tell my mother. What will she do, give me few slaps, so what?”. This seemed to be a retort to the lady threatening her that she would report her misdeed to her mother. What struck me was the defiant attitude of that young girl.

These made me think about how children should be treated in their formative years by parents. Relationship between parents and a child is very important at that stage for overall development of the child into a responsible adult. And subsequently too bond between parents and grown up children is of utmost importance to ensure all round happiness of a family. There are umpteen number of books written by specialists but what I am going to say is the basic principles which have been of help to us in our years of bringing up children and as such I am sharing it with you all.

First and foremost we need to keep in mind that a young child is innocent, curious and interprets things as per his or her exposure. So when we speak to child about anything we need to get down to his or her age and understand their point of view or way of looking at things. For safety of toddler we need to keep things which may be harmful for the child out of reach. We had put dummy plugs in all reachable power points not in use and removed all items from dressing table locking those up in the drawers instead of saying NO every time they reached for it.

Never should we discourage a child from asking questions even if those seem silly to us as in his or her mind those are curiosities. We need to address all questions with reasonable explanations understandable by child and if it is something which is not appropriate for that age we should divert attention of child. There are so many ways to do so instead of saying NO or this is not for you leaving the child wondering about unanswered question and trying to find answer from other sources.

As the child grows we need to change our approach too but never in dictatorial way. During school days never put child under pressure to perform as per our satisfaction. Child should be made to understand that it is for his or her good to learn attentively and understand the subject instead of just memorizing it blindly. Encouragement should be given for participation in sports and extra curricle activities. They should be made to understand time management without being ordered to study or do this or do that all the time. Let the child choose own profession. We need to explain pros and cons of each and let the decision be made by the child.

Now comes the difficult phase, teenage and college life. In this phase there is not only curiosity of new pastures or trying to explore new ways of freedom but rebellion too to move away from it is done this way approach of elders. It is not possible to be with them 24 hours of the day. We need to understand that time has come to treat them as friends, of course within limits and make them understand their responsibilities. We need to encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts. I had told our daughter when she joined college “ Now you are moving from uniformed regulated life to different way of life with time at your disposal. Do what your conscience permits you but just understand that whatever you do should not make us hang our heads in shame ever. There may be times when you may feel you have to do something against your wishes or conscience, so just take precautions not to get into that kind of situation.” I am proud to say that she behaved in a very sensible way without any monitoring. And to our son at his entry to college apart from what I told his sister I added “ Never force a girl for anything she does not want to do or never physically or emotionally coerce her to do what she is not willing to.” Again I am happy that he never let us down.

Then comes the marriage time. We should give full liberty to them to choose their soul mate. They should be made to feel confident to share their liking with us. If it is seen that the one chosen lacks something, it should be logically discussed and not forced for change of option. Our children had their own friendships but when time came they both left it to us to look for their would be life partners. But I insisted that they would have to meet our selected one, spending enough time without being chaperoned to make up their mind. I also told our son that the girl he so meets has full right to say no. Well, they are both now settled with children though with normal tiffs off and on. They have to solve their differences themselves without any interference from us. If asked for we give our unbiased support to one who is justified.

Thereafter they should be left to lead life as they want without interference but support as needed. Of course it does not mean that they can do something criminal or unacceptable in normal society for which once again we can only advise or guide logically but can not force our will. In such an event if he or she still continues to follow which is unacceptable, it is time to part company. Of course it goes without saying that there needs to be reciprocation from children too as they must understand that all the liberty given comes with responsibility.

That sums up what we have gone through in our time. Now it is grandchildren who make us relive our olden days all over again.

UPLIFTMENT OF BACKWARD CLASS?

2011-10-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

A park housing statues costing Rs 685 crores! Spread over 85 acres+ of fertile land, if I am not mistaken. Isn’t it false EGO?

With that money I could have opened 12 schools, self reliant to sustain running to provide free quality education with text books & stationary to children from economical backward class for years and years to come. Won’t that have been a better tribute to those who’s statues have been erected which will wither away for lack of care in few years if not destroyed earlier by someone?

D I L

2011-10-12T06:51:00.001-07:00

Acronym as per Oxford Dictionary means - a word formed from the first letters of other words. That would mean Daughter in law would be Dil. DIL is Hindi word for heart. So how come more often than not a daughter in law is not treated as DIL of a family? My thinking is that as we take care of our HEART to keep our body healthy, why should we not take care of DIL too to have a healthy peaceful family? Of course, she too should not function erratically.

THINK POSITIVE

2011-10-05T09:23:00.001-07:00

Day before yesterday there was an evening get together of the organization where I started my working career. This is an annual affair. I was keen to attend that as it gives an opportunity to meet old colleagues. I did not want to tire myself before going there, so I thought of relaxing at home. But as the luck would have it I had to go out for an urgent chore. I had just driven 3 kms when I felt some funny behavior of the car, which is Maruti Zen Estilo only 1 ½ year half old with just little over 10 thousand kms logged. Sure enough, after wait for green signal at the traffic light it would not budge on engaging gear but engine would race well. I knew it that it is clutch problem. So I got it pushed to side with the help of passing Police PCR, which was a surprise as they did not say anything but gave help. I called up the authorised workshop where I normally go. Their service engineer was with me in a little while and confirmed that it needs to be taken to workshop. So it was towed a distance of about 12 kms. It was confirmed that clutch needs to be opened for replacing parts which had given way. So I was without car for the evening.

All this while I was busy in tying ups for taking it to workshop with no other thought in mind but after it was left there I thought “ Thank God it happened now when I could call for help, had it happened in the evening on my way back from get together I would have been stranded.”

My idea of sharing this is that no matter what the situation be one should not give up positive thinking. Everything happens for some reason beneficial to us.

PS : I did attend the get together as an old colleague staying little distance away was kind enough to take me along.

HATS OFF

2011-09-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today evening while I was walking back from market I witnessed this which I want to share with you all. I was little distance away from traffic lights when I saw a motorcycle rider who jumped red light being pulled up by traffic cop. As it was close by I, to satisfy my curiosity, stopped to see what transpires.

On taking off his helmet, the motorcycle rider turned out to be a young man of may be 20 or so. Here is the conversation which took place between two of them.

Cop, after pulling out challanbook, “ MAIN TUMHARAA CHALLAN KATOONGA, TUMNE RED LIGHT JUMP KI HAI.” ( I am giving you ticket for jumping red light.)

Young Man, “ OK.”

Cop,” TUMHEIN COURT MEIN JAA KAR FINE DENA PAREGAA.” ( You will have to go to court to pay fine.)

Young Man, “ OK.”

Cop,” FINE DO HAZAAR TAK KAA HO SAKTAA HAI.” ( Fine can be upto two thousand .)

Young Man,” OK.”

Cop,” MAIN TUMHEIN CHHOD SAKTAA HOON.” ( I can let you go.)

Young Man,” TO PHIR CHHOD DIJIYE.” ( Then let me go.)

Cop,” ISKAA KUCHH KHARCHA LAGEGAA.” ( There will be some expenses for that.”

Young Man,” KITNAA?” ( How much?)

Cop,” DO SAU.” ( Two Hundred.)

Young Man,” AAP CHALLAN KAAT DIJIYE.” ( You give me ticket.)

Cop,” SOCH LO, YE SASTAA HAI.” ( Think it over, this is cheap.)

Young Man,” MAINE GALTI KI HAI, MAIN PAISE COURT MEIN DE DOONGA PAR YEHAN NAHIN.?” ( I have committed a mistake, I will pay money in court not here.)

There was no slogan shouting or holding placards but message was LOUD and CLEAR, No Paying Bribes.

I really admire that young man, he took the CHALLAN and went off. Hats off to him. How I wish we all could be like him!

SEEKING ATTENTION - PITFALLS

2011-09-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

This happened a few years ago. I thought of sharing it with you as today in a get together I noticed a girl trying to garner attention of everyone in the group she was in. Though I came into picture at much later stage but I am narrating it as it happened.

Janki was born and brought up in a medium sized town. Her father has successful business and mother is a teacher. She has a brother younger by 5 years. She was good in studies and secured over 90% in final Board examinations. She wanted to study in some reputed college of a renowned university. So it was decided to send her to Delhi as some close relatives are there. So she joined a well known college for girls.

Everything was fine except that she developed inferiority complex because of her upbringing in her hometown. Though she is tall and very good looking but she felt that her sense of dressing and projected image was not upto standards here. So she took to copying those who were popular in dressing as well as appearance. She got into habit of seeking attention of those around her. She did not realize that at times her such efforts drew smiles as well as comments behind her back. This became her nature and she felt neglected if she was not paid attention as she looked for.

During her college time she met a boy who used to travel in the same bus as his college was close by and showed a lot of interest in her. His showering her with compliments used to make her feel very happy. Her friendship with him developed without knowledge of her parents or local guardians. As it happens in such cases he gradually made her submit to his physical demands. This continued till she completed graduation. He moved to another city on getting a good job. She went on to complete MBA securing high position. Her parents agreed to her staying in Delhi and take up a job. She joined a MNC with good salary. She still had habit of seeking attention whenever she felt neglected.

Her habit of seeking attention did not go. A young smart boy and working in the same department noticed this. He started paying compliments on her appearance or work. He also followed her on social networking site giving flattering comments. She developed a liking for him and used to spend free time with him. He was staying with his married cousin in a flat which was quite close to her place. His cousin and his wife were working in reputed companies. He started picking her up in the morning from a set place and drop her back too. Many times they stopped enroute on his say so to have a cup of coffee. She started depending on him for not only attention but convenience too. After a while he took her to his place on some pretext. There she met the couple. His cousin paid a lot of attention to her while his wife seemed friendly. They fussed over her offering tea and snacks. She felt like a princess. This became a routine and she used to visit his flat once a week or so. At times they used to alone. On such occasions he used to be extra attentive and sweet to her. On one such time they became physically involved. She started thinking that he loves her so she did not refuse him whenever he asked her to come with him as they will have flat to themselves. One day when they were there in the bedroom, his cousin came in. By the time she could react she saw that he was taking photographs on his mobile phone. She started crying and asking for forgiveness. Her colleague and his cousin just laughed and told her that they will not tell this to anyone if she submits to both of them. She was so scared that she agreed and while his cousin was with her he took photographs on mobile phone.

That is when her ordeal started for not only satisfying lust of both. His cousin’s wife had gone to her parents as she was in family way. She had to bow to his demand of visiting them on some Saturdays telling her local guardian that she had to go to office.

It was her good luck that her parents found suitable match for her within a couple of months after this and she was married to a boy in Delhi. It just so happened that her husband is son of a person well known to me. He is working at good position in another MNC. His father let her decide if she wanted to continue with job. As she wanted, he made arrangement for her to be taken to office in the morning by his driver and brought back in the evening. This made her contact with that boy less. In office she tried to keep with her other female colleagues.

It was all well for a couple of months but then that boy threatened her with dire consequences if she did not do what he wanted. She refused to bow to his threat.

All hell broke loose when a friend of her husband told him that he had seen an obscene video of her on the web. He was shocked and went into withdrawal mode, even not talking to her. His father sensed there was something wrong but could not put his finger to it. That is when I came into picture. His father called me and asking me to speak to his son. I spoke to him in private and he told me about the said video. On my asking, he told me that he would not like to break marriage as she is good wife and whatever happened before marriage is ok with him if she is not into it now. I told him that I would like to speak to her without any of them except my wife with me. He agreed telling that I should not tell anyone about it. He sent her to our house under some pretext next day. I frankly told her what was the situation and she broke down. After some cajoling she told me all what I have narrated above. I called her husband and apprised him of what had happened. He stood by her as she had refused to bow down to that boy’s blackmail.

With some efforts we got that video removed from that site. I along with him met that colleague and his cousin telling them to stop harassing her. I told the cousin that I will hold him personally responsible if there was any effort to contact her by any of them and I will then narrate the whole thing to his wife who had joined back with the baby a few days earlier. On my advice she changed job after taking leave for a fortnight. Fortunately it stands sorted out.

I narrated this to say that one should not be ashamed of own background. One can make efforts to improve but not make undue efforts to seek attention.

SOME HUMOUR

2011-09-21T09:26:00.001-07:00

It has been sometime since I shared some humour with you all. So here I go :

One afternoon a young lady got a call from some relatives that they would be coming over for dinner. After telling them Ok, she realized that she needed some items urgently to prepare dinner. She quickly changed into shorts throwing a t shirt over to rush to the market. She dragged her 3 years old son along. He said, “ Mom, I want to tell you something.” She said, “ Later dear, I am in a hurry.” When they got into car he again repeated the same thing and got the same reply. In the market he said same a few times to be rebuked and told the same reply. When they got home much later, he was quiet, so she said, “ Ok, now tell me what is it?” Son said,” All I wanted to tell you was that your zipper is open.”

A young man was feeling affects of newly married life, so they went to doctor. Doctor after asking some probing questions advised that they take it easy for a while and do it only on days with r in it. A few days later early in the morning his wife snuggled up saying “ Let’s.” He asked,” What day is it.” She replied,” Tuesrday.”

A young boy took a girl on blind date. They went to fair. After roaming around for some time he asked her what would she like to do next. On her saying that she would like to get weighed, he took her to weighing machine and had her weighed. Some time later he asked her again as to what would she like to do next, and on hearing the same wish he again got her weighed. This happened once again and he got annoyed. He took her back to her place and left her there. When she called up her friend who had set up that date, she was asked as to did she have good time. She replied,” Wousy.”

Three French boys aged 3, 5 and 7 were walking is secluded part of a park when they saw a young couple making love behind a huge bush. 3 years old asked,” What are they doing?” 5 years old replied,” Hush, they are making love.” 7 years old said,” And doing so badly too.”

AGE CATCHING UP

2011-09-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Time does not wait for anyone. Age catches up no matter how much one tries to keep it at bay. Some age faster while some do it slowly due to their regulated life style. I think I can say this with conviction as I turned 66 this month. With age comes experience as well as an attitude of being KNOW ALL. Former is to be shared while later is to be avoided. The former too should be not forced on to someone but only when asked for and in a way of making suggestions letting the involved person take own decisions. With age the battery does get low as one cannot do what one could years earlier. This is happening to me too and I find myself though willing but not able to visit my friends here to read what you all write. I have a habit that when I visit, I do not just read the latest post but like to catch up with all pending ones too which makes me even slower in making rounds. So please bear with me, I will be there as soon as I can.

Now after this preamble let me come to what I have in mind. I was reflecting on years gone by vis-à-vis what I said in my previous post about we do not know what lies in store the very next moment. All of you who gave feedback opined that it is so true and most said that live life as it comes today. I have not been a saint but at the same time I have not been a rogue. I learnt from my mistakes and followed my conscience always. I could never be a YESMAN but learnt to give my dissenting views diplomatically. I do enjoy my drink in the evening, love good things in life and also appreciate beauty – of nature or human, later within limits, of course. I did flirt but only to lift sagging spirits of someone who needed it. What I want to convey now is keeping in view that we do not know what lies in store for us, WHY DO WE DO SOMETHING WHICH WE DO NOT WANT OTHERS TO DO TO US? You may blame this question on my age catching up.

DO WE KNOW WHAT NEXT MOMENT HOLDS?

2011-09-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Do we really know what is in store the very next moment for us? I am not referring to Bomb Blasts but in normal course of life. We may feel so secure but what happens is something which we really never expect most of the times. To substantiate my view let me tell you of an incident which occurred a couple of days ago.

I was walking back from market in the late afternoon when there was a loud noise like big cracker burst. When I looked towards to direction of the noise, I saw a rickshaw toppling on its left side. The rear left wheel rim which was very old and rusty had buckled up leading to tyre burst. As the rickshaw fell on its side a child of about 3 years fell out crying. While rushing towards the site I saw an elderly woman tumbling out while second one was stuck in the buckled up rickshaw. A number of other persons also rushed to aid. The child was picked up by a woman who started consoling her. The elderly woman was not hurt but badly shaken. The rickshaw puller who had fallen on side got up and made efforts with others to extricate the woman who was inside the wreckage. She was taken out in a couple of minutes and had no visible injury except she was rubbing her shoulder. She took the child in her arms to stop her from crying. Luckily the traffic was light and there was no major mishap. On seeing that everything was under control and no major damage done, I moved off as I did not want to add to the crowd.

My question is would those who were in the rickshaw have ever dreamt of what was going to happen in next moment?

THINK BEFORE TAKING SUCH STEP

2011-09-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

Jaibhagwan was with me in one of the organisations. We were together for a number of years. He was looking after stores and dispatches. Very honest and upright man basically because of his upbringing and semi rural background. A staunch believer in values. He kept in touch with me even after I moved out to another organization. He too settled down in Delhi after retirement. We speak to each other a couple of times a month and meet once in a couple of months or so. We attended marriage of his son about 6 months ago. He is manager in a reputed MNC. She is in HR of a reputed organization.

His unexpected visit about a fortnight ago was a pleasant surprise. He looked a little worried. After some time he told me he wanted to discuss something in private. We went into bedroom where he told me that he needed help in a very difficult situation and he was confident that I can find solution as he knew my way of working. He told me that I was aware of his son going abroad about a month after marriage for office work. He was to return in 3 months but it got extended and he was still out. His wife could not go because of her office. He said that she normally comes back at 10 pm. Few days earlier he had to go out for some work and when he was returning around 10 in the evening he saw a car parked near the gate of their locality. The road is very isolated and almost dark at that time. He saw a couple standing on the off side of car and kissing. As he moved a few steps further he saw them breaking off. She walked towards the gate while the man got into the car and drove off. As she neared the lights on the gate he was shocked that she was his daughter in law. He thought his eyes were playing tricks but on reaching home he found her in the same dress. He was dumbstruck to say anything. Next day he again went out at the time of her expected return and positioned himself behind a tree near the same place where he was on the previous day. Again he saw the same happening. He sought my advice as to what to do. I was quite taken aback by this. This brought back memories of an earlier sad incident which I had shared with you all in February this year. I did not want any repetition of that. I told him that times have changed a lot since our days and most of the youngsters do get into relationships before marriage. I reminded him that did we too not harbor feelings for some girl or the other in our younger days. Some find it little difficult to come out of that after marriage or are emotionally blackmailed. I told him that no girl will admit such thing after marriage and it will be futile to confront her. I promised to help him.

So a couple of days later after confirming that she had gone to office, I went to his locality late in the evening. I called him out to the gate. I told him not to tell anyone that I was there. On his showing me the spot, I parked my car a little distance away at the appropriate time and sat in a way that I was unnoticed. A while later I saw a car driving up and parking short of the gate. A girl got out of passenger side while a youngman came out of driver seat and moved towards the girl. They embraced and kissed for a while before she moved towards gate and he drove off. I followed her in the car and intercepted before the gate. She seemed scared to see me there at that time. I asked her to sit in the car as I wanted to speak to her. She quietly got in and I parked near their house. I just looked at her without saying anything and she started crying. She asked me not to tell anyone what happened. She told me that she was in relationship with that boy for about 3 years and they were very close. His parents did not agree for inter-caste marriage and he did not want to disobey them. She consented for marriage as per her parent’s wishes. She tried to move on and did not keep in touch with him though he kept calling up or sending messages. After her husband went abroad, she felt little lonely after two month of separation. One day he visited her office and requested her to meet him after work. She spent some time with him that evening in a coffee house. That meeting opened floodgates of her pent up urges and emotions. She met him regularly thereafter and redeveloped their old relations. I asked her if she understood consequences of what she got into. She said that she was aware that this would lead to messy situation and maybe divorce but she could not control herself due to feeling of loneliness and his show of love. She added that she knew that he cannot marry her. I advised her to get out of that without any further loss of time. I asked her to take leave for as long as she can get and stay home. I further told her to utilize time for some productive work to divert her feeling of loneliness. She agreed. She asked me to call up that boy and tell him not to contact her as she might not be strong enough to do that. She gave me his mobile number. So I went with her to their residence. There I told that I was in the near vicinity and on seeing her coming home I accompanied her. I called him out and told him that he should not speak about whatever he had seen and give her a chance to get over that. He promised that.

I am so glad that she took leave for a month and is coaching her sister in law for her upcoming MBA examination. I told that boy to keep off or I will have to do something drastic. She has confirmed that he never called up after that day.

WE MEET TO PART

2011-08-31T02:27:00.000-07:00

Of late I have been reading some posts about how the writers feel when friends move away. Most of them recall how close they had been with some friends and over a period how far they drifted away. Many of them wonder why this happens even when there seems to be no apparent reason. This set me thinking and I am sharing what came in my mind.

Why only friends, even siblings or some close relatives, say cousins, of similar age group also seem to drift apart. We develop very fine relationships with even those elder or younger to us during our life, we may even have been benefitted by some of them or may have helped someone out but still over some time we drift away. If we sit down and think it over it is not friends or relatives or those we shared such close relationships who move away but even we have drifted away from many. At times it may be imaginary reasons for one to move away.

During childhood our outlook is very simple. We like those who play with us or share toys etc with us. The choice is within near vicinity of our home. This is the stage when we develop feeling of CHADDI BUDDY. When we go to school our outlook is still almost the same in initial few years. Some of our childhood friends also are in the same school with us. But as there is wider circle we also become friends with new ones who show liking for us and share things with us. As we progress our outlook undergoes changes as per our needs. We now look for friends who we feel can be of support during crisis time. With change of schools or class, we though do keep in touch with old friends but it is new ones who take more of our time.

When we move to college the same process is repeated. We remain in close touch with few of our old buddies who may be in the same college or those who go to different ones but stay in same area. We or some may even move out to another town. Here itself you will find that you may have drifted a little away from even your CHADDI BUDDY.

The same thing happens when we start working, even if you join family business. We may move out of town or even some of our friends may move out. With this change of environments we though strive to keep in touch with old friends but as time goes it becomes less and less. Then work pressure, marriage, children and a lot of such factors keep you tied up and old ties do start fading. However as and when we do meet at any occasion the old comradeship is revived and we reminisce but when we move away again it is for short time we may try to keep in touch and same old story of being in thick of own affairs takes charge.

It is the same story with our friends also. So one should try to keep in touch with relatives or friends but never feel sad if circumstances make you or them move on. That is the way of life. I have been very close to many and helped some out of dire situations but today if we meet or speak even once a while, I feel happy. One should feel lucky if there are more than a couple of old CHUDDI BUDDIES still in close touch.

FOLLOW UP ON SHATTERED DREAMS

2011-08-24T07:39:00.001-07:00

In my previous post I shared what Prateek told me without any alternations except holding back his angry outburst against his friends who made his dream remain unfulfilled. My basic aim of sharing it here was to bring out what could be the reasons for such unhappy situation. In my opinion these can be any or combination of the following :

1. Inadequate parental interaction. I firmly believe that parents interaction with children is of utmost importance. It needs to undergo change from authoritative to openness and friendly as the child grows. Of course the discipline is not forgotten but child is made aware that rights come with responsibility. Parents need to develop confidence in children to speak to them on any matter without any hesitations. Watchful parents can mostly observe if there is change in behavior of a child and can cajole the child to confide in them. I think that interaction was lacking as there must have been some visible change in his behavior which they did not see.

2. Succumbing to peer pressure in absence of proper guidance provided either at home or school. Children need to be taught about facts of life as per growing age. Parents and teachers are the ones who are best suited for this. Or proper counseling be done with parents knowledge , this could also be part of school activity.

3. Double standards which are prevalent in our society. Boys would prefer wife to be without any blemish but do they think of same when it comes to them?

4. Gender discrimination. Why should there be restrictions placed on girls? Let the girls too have same privileges as boys but safe environments should be ensured and adequate guidance given to use their discretion with utmost care. No girl should be forced to accept what she is not willing to. In this case it seems that Namrata was given laced drinks to make her lose control over mind and make judgmental errors.

May I request for your valuable views on this.

PS : I had advised Prateek to take up flying as hobby since he is still keen to fly citing if Douglas Bader, a pilot with RAF who lost both legs in an air accident but still flew fighters during WW II, why can he not.

SHATTERED DREAMS

2011-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I met Prateek after almost 5 years. We used to stay in the same locality. His father was in high profile government job. He did not go beyond hello hello terms with anyone in the locality which I learnt later from someone that he felt others may seek favours due to his position. His mother was educated but did not mix much due to some complex of being from a small town. He and his year or so younger sister, Namrata, were in one of the top schools. They were friendly and paid due respect to everyone. He was a tall handsome boy and Namrata too was very good looking tall girl. They both excelled in studies as well as in other extra curricular activities. He was keen to be a fighter pilot in Air Force while she was keen on becoming a doctor and join Air Force. They used to be quite frank in talking to me. They were in 11^th and 10^th respectively when we shifted from there about five years ago. He was preparing for NDA.

I was surprised to run into him in our market. He is the one who recognized me and touched my feet. That is when I recollected him. When he straightened I saw a huge scar on his forehead. While we were walking I noticed he was limping. When I looked at him questioningly asking what was he doing here as I thought by now he would have been in Air Force. He told me that it was not so and it is a sad story. I told him to share it if he felt like it. This is what he told me.

After 12^th examinations were over, he joined classes to prepare for SSB interview as he had cleared written examination for NDA. There he came across a couple of boys of the same age who belonged to affluent families. They became close friends and spent a lot of time together. After a couple of weeks of their newly found closeness, he was invited for a party at house of one of them and told that as it will go on late, he should tell his parents that he would be staying over there for the night. On reaching there he found that there were no elders in the house. There was mixed group of about 20 odd youngsters with girls being almost as many as boys. Loud dance music was on with subdued lights and liquor was being consumed. He was compelled to have beer inspite of his saying that he had never had any alcoholic drink earlier. After some time he felt getting light headed and in mood for whatever be there. He mingled with girls and danced. He found himself getting excited as he saw a lot of couples getting cozy. The girl who was with him most of the time encouraged him to kiss and it lead to more cumulating in their making out in the bedroom. Next morning his friends pulled his leg at being such a fast lover. He told that this introduced him to new joys and his friends introduced him to a couple of more girls with whom he got physically close.

A month or so later when he and one of those friends got through SSB interview as well as medical, that friend threw a party to celebrate it. He was told that there will be a number of siblings so he should bring Namrata along. He was reluctant but thought that since he was going to be there and would try to avoid drinking, it would be safe for her. So they joined the party which was supposed to end by midnight. Parents of his friend after meeting the youngsters left for their own outing. So it was again only young lot which was there. However the number this time was just 6 boys and 5 girls including them. He was forced to have beer but he restricted it. One of the girls with whom he had been close stuck to him throughout. Even in that dim lit atmosphere and couples whirling around he tried to keep an eye for Namrata who seemed to be enjoying company of other girls as well as attention of some boys. She was having soft drink. He saw that the girl with whom he made out for first time was with her most of the time. After an hour or so he found her to be little more jovial than normal and frequently laughing loudly. He became cautious of this and tried to be as close to her as possible but the girl with him kept pulling him away while dancing. Little later he saw Namrata being lead by the girl who kept company with her towards upstairs where the bedrooms were. They were followed by two boys, one being his friend who did not succeed in SSB. Namrata was stumbling and giggling all the time. He rushed to her but found himself blocked by some boys. They told him not to be a spoilsport and let those boys have good time. He told them that she was his sister. They laughed and told him that the girls you made out with were also someone’s sisters. They pushed him back and that is when fight started. He yelled out loudly for Namrata and on seeing what was happening she rushed to him. He told her to get out of that place and contact home or police. The boys started hitting him all over. He fought back but was hit by whatever came handy to those boys. He was hit hard on forehead with something hard and before he lost consciousness he saw police persons entering the house. He suffered head injury apart from fractures of couple of ribs and leg. A steel rod had to be put into his leg to strengthen shattered bone which made the leg shorter leading to limp. That is why he could not join NDA shattering his dream of being fighter pilot in Air Force.

He completed graduation and MBA. He was with a MNC in sales side. Namrata was however safe and was undergoing MBBS. He ended his talk by saying that how sad it was that he never thought that those girls with whom he made out were also someone’s sisters.

THOUGHTS JUST BEFORE MISHAP

2011-08-17T08:17:00.001-07:00

I wondered what goes on in the mind of anyone just before any mishap. Well, I experienced it first hand. Last Friday I had gone to bring children of our daughter from her place to spend long week end with us.

We set course after lunch. I was driving at a comfortable speed of about 50 as the road was good with not much of traffic. Usually I keep pace with fast moving vehicles and ensure that I am in the right lane. That day as the grandchildren were with me I was slow and kept two lanes on right free for fast moving traffic. There was an auto infront on right of me and was moving at the same speed. I kept a distance of two cars as that would ensure that I can stop in time if need arises. I had no intentions of overtaking as I was to turn left after about a kilometer or so. The weather was good as it had rained heavily little about an hour ago. The plants and trees in the open fields on both sides of road looked so freshly washed. I was enjoying the drive and keeping sharp look out as per my habit.

We must have covered about half a kilometer when that auto suddenly drifted left slowing down drastically. There was nothing infront of him or any traffic lights. I applied brake harshly and cut towards left but that auto had slowed down drastically. That was when I realized that there is no chance of not hitting it. The thought flashed through my mind “ Oh, God! I am going to collide with it. Hope nothing happens to children.”

My car when it hit that auto on its extreme left rear had stopped. The auto went further for about few yards and a person fell out of it. I told children that I am going to check up and they should stay put in the car. On reaching there I saw that auto had a very minor dent on left of tail light which was intact. That person turned out to be the driver and had minor bruises. However I called up police to have this sorted out. On coming back to my car I was shocked that panel behind the right head light had totally crumpled. The experience with police will make for another post. The SI who had come told me to hire an auto to send children to our place. I was so shocked as they are just 9 and 5. The distance from that place to our house is more than 15 kms while our daughter’s house to was 6 kms. However I called up our daughter who left her office immediately to be with us.

Apart from damage to car, none of us were hurt even a little except that my pride was hurt as my record of accident free run came to an end.

MEDIA RESPONSIBILITY

2011-08-05T06:50:00.001-07:00

Today noon I was enjoying a glass of beer with my friends in our club bar, chitchatting and keeping an eye on the TV which was showing a popular news channel. There was a pop up “ Breaking News “. We got interested fearing the worst, like some accident or another criminal attack and also optimistically hoping that some unscrupulous person who has been plundering our country and stashing money abroad has been nabbed with ill gotten wealth on way back to our treasury. But no it was even a BIGGER NEWS as per media to deserve such attention grabbing tactic. It was “ Amitabh Bachan wishes Sonia speedy recovery “ or words to such effect.

This set me thinking has the media gone round the bend to dish out such trivial information in such fanfare which truly deserves only a mention in some inner page of newspaper. What about actual information which we badly need? How about telling what is the latest on black money, price rise, steps for safety of common public, exposing corrupt politicians or babus, arrest of those who commit heinous crimes and punishment awarded instead of telling us gossip like someone being in family way or not in relationship anymore or going steady with so & so or having extra marital relations etc etc.? What happened to MEDIA RESPONSIBILITY?

WHAT TO CALL SUCH PERSONS?

2011-07-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Some time ago I had written a post on annoying driving ways of some persons whom I called Educated Illiterates. Recently I came across some more which I wish to bring to your knowledge.

Stopping vehicles blocking zebra crossing fully on the traffic light making those on foot to walk zig zag to cross road when it is their turn to do so.

Parking vehicles on footpath blocking way for pedestrians.

What should we call such persons? Educated illiterates seems to be a very mild term.

PS : This is my first post from laptop bought for me by our son.

IS IT LIKELY?

2011-07-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

“ Elderly couple - Well educated, self reliant with own conveyance and with no major medical problem, available for grandparental care of your little ones. Need accommodation and proper respect. Will accept assignment only after mutual satisfaction. Call 0000000000”

Do you think such advertisements will appear anytime in near future?

THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP

2011-07-14T03:46:00.001-07:00

“ I am in final year of graduation. I have been good in studies and extra curricular activities. I am NCC cadet and I participate in dramas, debates and dances etc from school days onwards. I am living with my parents, two elder brothers and a younger sister in a huge HAVELI type house in the outskirts of town. My father has whole sale business in old city. He and brothers leave around 8 am for that place. My sister is in 10^th and her school is on the other side of city. Our house has a number of independent rooms adjoining main entrance which are for letting out. About a year ago a young man working in some government office had taken one of the rooms. Our house is quite isolated with a lot of other building under construction a little distance away. I have to walk about half a mile to get rickshaw to go to college. At times some of my friends meet me while I am looking for rickshaw. One day as I was waiting for rickshaw, he passed by on scooter. He stopped and asked me if he could drop me at college as his office is close to my college. I at first hesitated but seeing that I was getting late I accepted. As roads in our localities are in bad shape, I had to hold him lest I fall. He left me at college gate. Next day as I was walking towards the main road, he came by and offered me lift. Our house is not visible from that place due to construction work going on. I agreed. While dropping me at college gate he told me that he goes at the same time so if I do not mind he can drop me everyday. As it is not easy to get rickshaw many a times, I agreed. A few days later he asked me if I was in hurry to reach college. On my saying no, he asked if we could stop to have a cup of tea. I agreed. There is a small restaurant near our college. We stopped there. I told him I do not take tea at this time. So he offered me cold drink and snacks. There he told me that his office job involves field work and if I agree and tell him in the morning when I will be free from college he can plan it accordingly to drop me back home also. As he had been very decent and helpful and also reluctance of rickshaw pullers to go to our locality, I accepted this as God sent blessing. So we started this routine and at times had cold drinks at that restaurant. About two weeks later it was my birthday. I had told him that. In the morning he gave me a very good card and roses. Later while returning from college, he picked up some cold drinks and snacks of my liking. When we reached home, he asked me to join him in his room to celebrate my birthday. It was quite hot and the place was deserted with few labourers working. I agreed as no one could see us. When we were in the room, he put on birthday songs on his cassette player. He hugged me wishing happy birthday again. Though reluctant at first, I liked this and let him hold me close. He suddenly kissed me on cheeks. I was shocked but pleasantly surprised too. As I did not make any attempt to move out of his embrace, he held me more tightly. This sent shivers down my spine and I started pushing him away. He held on and told me not to worry as he will not harm me because he loves me. I felt as if it was a fairy tale and just stayed there. On his asking if I also love him, I just nodded blushingly. He kissed me on lips making me feel weak in knees. He however stopped on my saying so. I gathered up my things and left soon after I finished my cold drink. Later throughout that day I kept feeling funny sensation. Next day he told me he was sorry for what happened but I told him it was ok. We started spending some time in the room two or three times a week depending on how early I reached home. After few such meetings while kissing he started feeling me up there and I half heartedly asked him not to do so. I felt very shy when he removed my upper clothing first time making feeble efforts to stop him. This went on and we started feeling each other and little more than that. One day when I was very aroused and beyond caring, he made me lie on the bed and made love. I felt guilty and cried after that but he consoled me saying not to worry as he would marry me. We then started doing it as and when we could. Now that I am going to complete graduation, my parents have started looking for match. I am scared as my state will be known to my future husband and also I want to marry him only. He also wants to but is scared to talk to my parents as well as his.”

This is what Geeta told me. I have translated it from vernacular and censored it a little to suit publishing it here. This happened more than 25 years ago and in a town of medium size where I was based those days. A cousin of mine who is ages younger to me, she was barely 2 years old when I got married, asked me to help her college mate who was elder and senior. I was little reluctant as this was something like family affair. But she persisted as that friend’s family instead of doing anything to help her would fly into rage if they came to know what had happened and that girl was in suicide mode. So I had agreed.

I met her. She was about 20 years old. She was not willing to talk in our first meeting so I had to meet her few more times before she opened up but a lot of coaxing with leading questions / suggestions was required. We used to meet in my office and my cousin used to sit outside the glass partition to enable her friend to speak to me in confidence.

On hearing what she told, first thing which came in my mind was how come she let herself into such situation but on second thoughts she too is human and had let her emotions set off by curiosities take over. I knew his boss due to nature of my work. So I discussed it with him. Later we could convince parents of both sides to agree for their marriage saying that they are deeply in love. We did not disclose anything more. Of course our respective positions were of great advantage. Years later I learnt from my cousin that they are living happily.

My purpose of telling this is that as there is more intermingling now during college or even school and thereafter in work place leading to more chances of relationships developing. Banning mobiles or jeans may be hurdles but can not curb it in totality. Jeans were not so common those days and there were no mobiles and this was an incident in medium sized town more than two decades ago, in present times in big towns or metros such chances are even more. As it presently goes in our society, boys will get away with any kind of indiscretion but it is girls who are left holding the baby. In this instant the boy was willing to marry but now a days it is not so many a times. Based on my numerous talks with youngsters as well as some grown up persons of both genders I can say that majority of boys are keen on physicality after sometime in a relationship while girls like attention and live in fairy tale dreams looking for commitments. While they may like cuddling but for physical relations, it is upto girls to decide how far they want to go. Whatever decision they take has to be after full application of mind and as dictated by own conscience. If they can control their urges and do not want to go all the way then limits have to be set. Both partners, girls more so, need to ensure that situation never arises where chances of exceeding limits are high. Whatever be it, discretion is must and she should see that partner is not a blabber mouth. This is where I think role of parents is of utmost importance. As children grow up parents need to understand their aspirations and make communication easy to ensure that children gain confidence in them to share their thoughts. They should be more of guides than dictators. If that situation is not there then I suggest that girls may seek advice of someone elderly whom they can talk to freely.

FOLLOW UP ON PREVIOUS POST

2011-07-07T10:03:00.001-07:00

ITNAA MASROOF NA BANO KI APNO KE LIYE BHI WAQT NAHIN HAI,

JAB APNE HI NAA RAHENGE TO WAQT HONE PE BHI WAQT KISI KAAM KA NAHIN HAI.

( Don’t be that busy that for near & dear ones there is no time, Once they are gone then what is the use of having time )

I am so grateful for valuable views expressed in my previous post. Almost all opined that parents were responsible for what happened. As promised, I am giving my views as to how could that situation have been prevented.

First of all let us see what is the reason for getting married. Is it social obligation? Or is it because of aspirations or wants of those who get married?

If it is former, then parents of both sides look forward to joys of having grandchild. So don’t you think that obligation also needs to be fulfilled? If it is later, then what is it? Sex, well one could have it even without marriage. Companionship, even this is possible without marriage. Do I need to give example of famous publisher of an adult magazine to substantiate this? So then what is it which attracts two for marriage?

In my opinion it is wish to settle down in life with someone where both are willing to take care of needs of each other, emotional as well as physical. This is true even for arranged marriages as one would give consent only if this is in his or her mind. Thus it is logical to assume that they would also be willing to start a family. No amount of words, written or spoken, can ever make one understand joyous emotions or feelings of parenthood unless personally experienced just like orgasm has to be own experience.

When to have a child, own or adopted, is choice of those involved. They both have to be mentally and emotionally prepared to have that bonding member join in. That preparedness also includes ability to provide materialistic needs of the child.

Now coming to the main issue of parenting which seemed to have failed in the case narrated in the previous post. Parents can not shun responsibility of providing the child physical as well as emotional support. I am giving my views on what options parents, both working - which is almost a necessity ( financial or demand of qualification or self satisfaction ) these days - and not staying in joint family, may have to provide that.

Let me first say one proven fact as seen by me that sibling at growing age is a great motivational factor in ensuring one does not stray. So a couple should not be selfish and ensure company for their child keeping in mind that it will also help when they finally depart.

One of them can take a break. In the beginning it should be mother till the child is weaned. Then it can be either who can do so or have flexible working schedule or work from home till the elder child is grown up enough to understand responsibilities. A nanny to assist could be there throughout. I do understand that this may not be possible in most of the cases. So what is the next best option?

With little modification to what Sakshi said have parents ( even one surviving ) of either be with them. In many cases this can be possible as parents of either or both would be at an age when they are retired or may take off from whatever they are into. Keeping their age in mind a nanny can be employed to ensure that they do not have to exert but be there to keep an eye and guide. And parents should ensure that they are there for support and not interfere in anything else. Couple should also give due respect without any consideration as to who’s parents are there.

If that is not possible, then they may explore possibility of some elder relative who is willing and needy for having home, to be with them. However they need to be sure of his or her behaviour and do random checks till they are satisfied. A nanny should also be employed as in case of parents staying with them. If possible let parents of either side visit as often as possible as that will ensure proper care of the child.

What if that too is not possible? Then they need to have a very dependable nanny with due verification. They need to carry out random checks or ask their parents to spend sometime with them off and on so that her involvement can be monitored. They may even take help from some of their relatives or friendly neighbours. You may be aware of a case of Banglore where nanny used to hire out toddler to beggar woman for the day after parents left for work. This came to light when mother came back home unexpectedly as she was unwell.

May I have your suggestions on what I have said.

COULD THIS NOT BE PREVENTED?

2011-07-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Rakesh, called Rocky by his friends, is the only child of his parents. His father is in a high position in a MNC while his mother too is so in a reputed company. When he was born they both were struggling to make their mark and were more in office than home. He was taken care of by nannies from his infancy. He was just a year old when he was put in a day care centre and by the time he crossed 2 years he was in play school cum day care centre. When he went to regular school, they had kept a maid to be with him till either of them came back from office. By the time he was in teens he had a key to the apartment to let himself in and he used to be home at his own except that maid used to come at the time of his return to make his lunch. He had all facilities which could be given by his parents. He was quite popular in his friend’s circles as he had enough money to spend apart from being a young tall handsome lad. Many a times his friends both boys and girls used to accompany him on his return from school and stay over for lunch. He started smoking at an early age due to peer pressure.

He was in 10^th when he got interested in girls as per normal curiosity. It was some time toward end of the session that he had come back with a girl and as maid left after lunch, they started mooching around which lead from one thing to another till they found themselves in bed making out. His mother was surprised to see bedcovers washed and hung to dry. He told her that he had spilled milk and thought to wash before stains get permanent. Thereafter it was something like a new toy for a child. They used to be together often and repeat the act. From there on he started looking for other girls. By the time he got to college he had a string of girls with whom he was physically active. However he did not let this affect his studies or sports in which he was good. That as a matter of fact was a point of attraction for girls to befriend him.

After graduation he started working with a BPO which involved night shifts. He used to be asleep when his parents went for work and he used to let himself in with his keys on return as his parents used to be asleep. Only time which he spent with them was week ends and even then either they had some commitment or he went out with friend. He completed MBA in marketing by distant learning. During this period at times he used to bring some girl colleague and sneak her in without the knowledge of his parents. When they left in the mornings he used to be asleep with room bolted from inside. One such girl introduced him to drugs. He slowly got addicted to it. There were a few occasions when no girl was available he brought some call girl contacted through so many advertisements offering same in round about way. He even had got STD but fortunately went to doctor in time and got cured. Though he was careful not to let this interfere with his work where he had proved to be good but finally all this took toll. He started deteriorating and landed up in de-addiction centre.

That is where I met him and heard all this from him. I am associated with a NGO which works for helping those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. As he was not saying anything about his past, I was asked if I could meet him to see if he confides in me. He is a young man of just about 24 but looks close to 40.

I feel so sad at this young life having gone this way, almost wasted though there is still little hope of reclaiming him. I have my views on how this could have been avoided but am not writing that presently as I would like you all to share what could have prevented this. Please do share what you feel could have helped.

SOME MORE COUPLETS

2011-06-29T02:01:00.001-07:00

Here are some more which I composed yesterday. These when compared to the ones in previous post show difference of age in thoughts, isn’t it?

DOSTON NE DE KAR DOSTI KA VASTAA DIYA JAAM PEENE KO,

EK EK KARKE SAB CHALE GAYE,

AB JAAM KA HI HAI SAATH JEENE KO.

( Friends made me to have a drink for sake of friendship, all have gone one by one, now this is the company to live lonely life. )

AFSOS THAA KI BACHON KO KHUSHIAN DENE KE LIYE

DAULAT NAHIN HAI

KAAM MEIN JUTE, KHOOB KAMAYA, PAR AB AFSOS HAI KI

BACHON KO DENE KE LIYE WAQT NAHIN HAI.

( I felt sad that there was no wealth to give happiness to children, worked hard made lot of money, but now am sad there is no time to give to children.)

EK ZAMAANAA THAA KI HIMMAT NAHIN THI KISI KI MERI

CHEEZEIN KARE YAHAAN SE WAHAAN,

AB ZAMAANAA HAI KI POOCHHTA HOON NATIYON SE

MERA CHASHMAA RAKHAA HAI KAHAAN.

( There was time no one dared to move my things from here to there, now is time when I ask my grandchildren my spectacles are hidden where.)

SOME COUPLETS

2011-06-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

I have another couple of serious posts in the pipeline. One is ready for posting while two are in finalizing stage. But I am not posting the ready one as I have already given two thought provoking posts. So here I am sharing some couplets which I scribbled more than 3 decades ago on reverse of bus tickets while traveling in night service bus from Guwahati to Tezpur. These are in mixed language. I remember these 3 and can not find my diary in which I had transferred all.

MAIN TUJHE BHOOLNE KI KOSHISH KARTA HOON,

PAR HAR KOSHISH PE TERI YAAD AATI HAI,

MUJHE TUMSE MILNE KI UMEED NAHIN,

PAR HAR AAHAT PE TERI YAAD AATI HAI.

( Gist in English for those who can not understand this : I am making efforts to forget you but on each effort your memories come flooding back. I have no hope of meeting you but on sound of each footfall your memories come flooding back )

MUJHE IS DUNIYA MEIN SACHE PYAAR KI TAMNAA HAI,

LOG KAHTE HAIN TU PAAGAL HAI,

TUMHEIN AMAVAS MEIN CHAAND KI TAMNAA HAI.

( I am looking for true love in this world, people call me mad saying I am looking for moon on dark moonless night )

MAIN TUMSE KUCHH KAHNAA CHAHTAA HOON,

PAR BAAT LABON TAK AA KE RUK JAATI HAI,

NAZRON KI ZUBAN SE KEH DOON,

PAR TERI NAZREIN TO MILTE HI JHUK JAATI HAIN.

( I wish to say something to you but it halts at my lips, I could say so with expression of eyes but you lower your eyes on meeting mine )

WOMEN SHAKTI ( POWER )

2011-06-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

This happened about a year ago. I was on my way back from market when I saw a tempo with household luggage at the entrance gate of our housing complex. It seemed someone was shifting in. As I was passing by, a car came in and stopped near the tempo. A smart and good looking young lady was in the driver seat with about 3 years old girl ( later I came to know she is her daughter ) in passenger seat and an elderly lady ( young girl’s DADI as learnt later ) of my age group in the rear seat. She told the driver to follow her. After that day I used to see that little girl either cycling or playing in our locality park, when I accompanied our granddaughter for her evening fun there. She and our granddaughter got friendly and started cycling or playing together. She was being looked after by a maid with DADI also with them and her mother used to join little later on her return from office. We got onto hello hello terms. I learnt her name was Asha. At times my wife used to be with me and after few such meetings she and DADI got talking. Asha also used to join them when she came. They visited our house a few times to meet my wife. After we shifted from there she kept in touch with them. What I learnt later from my wife I am sharing with you all.

Asha’s parents belonged to well to do middle class. She studied in best of the schools as well as college. When she joined college her elder brother migrated to USA after completing engineering in IT. Later he got married to an American girl there. They visited India few times but mostly for short period. Her parents never went there. She after Post graduation in psychology completed MBA in HR. During school and college days she was good in sports and extra curricular activities as drama, debates etc. She had a number of friends, both girls and boys. She started working after MBA. She was well liked due to her good nature as well as being helpful. Though she had lots of friends but she was however not close to anyone to call it an affair. She built up good reputation in office as hard working and ethical person.

A young man little elder to her took fancy to her. His name was Ajeet. He was into garments export business and had office in the same building where her company was located. He followed her a number of time and subsequently got himself introduced through some higher up in her organization. He often started “accidently” meeting her in the corridor or lift. He asked her out a number of times but she politely declined. She declined his offers of lift home too. He followed her home a few times. In short he made all efforts of getting close to her but though she spoke to him with all politeness did not accept his overtures. One day he bluntly told her that he would like to marry her. She told him that she hardly knows him and his family not at all as well as it was upto her parents to decide. She had told her mother about him as it was her habit to share her day with mother always.

One day on her return from office she learnt from her parents that his mother had visited them with proposal for her marriage. She had told that her husband had passed away few years ago thus leaving him to take care of business from young age. He had no siblings and they had very few other relatives. Her parents told her that they would get back after speaking to her. She informed them that she hardly knew him and his constant behavior to get close to her was something not to her liking. A few days later his mother called them up to ask if they had decided. They told her that she was not willing to marry as yet. He however continued his efforts to woo her. About a month later her father died in an accident. Her mother was heart broken and went into depression. Her brother came over alone for related ceremonies and left without any offer to take them to USA. Her mother was not keeping too well thereafter. Ajeet alongwith his mother attended all ceremonies. His mother became a regular visitor and even he used to come over often.

Sometime later Ajeet’s mother brought up proposal again saying that as her mother was not keeping too well it should be decided on priority. Her mother too was keen to marry her off as soon as possible. Seeing her mother’s condition and keenness of Ajeet’s mother, she consented. This was also as his mother was very affectionate. A very simple marriage took place within a period of three months. There were hardly 10 odd relatives from his side while from her side many relatives attended. Her brother however did not come but sent some money to mother. This all seemed fairy tale.

On the very first night when she was alone with Ajeet, she got shock of her life. His first words were how dare she showed rejection to him and he would teach her a lesson. He followed it up with forcing himself on her brutally without caring if she was hurt. Though she knew about sex but this was her first time and it left her traumatized. This made her shudder at the hint of his wanting sex. He told her to quit her job and take care of his affairs if she wanted to work or stay at home. She had no choice but to work with him. He used to pull her down in front of others without a care about her feelings. At home he treated her as if he is lord and master whom she has to bow to all the time. He used to abuse her telling that she was not a virgin when she married him and any amount of reasoning about being active in sports did not mean anything to him. His mother was aware of it and she sided her but could not do anything more than that. Asha bore all this as she did not want her ailing mother to be burdened. He got bold with this and even started hitting her at times. First time she retaliated with hitting back but he used force to subdue her. There was no stopping him after that. When she got pregnant her mother in law made her go to her mother as she did not want any mishap. After birth of daughter he even told her that she could not give him son as she must have got pregnant from someone else. Her mother in law used to cry with her. Her mother passed away when her daughter was two years old. She then started telling him to stop his misbehaviour or she will report him to police. He mocked her that as she has kept quiet for so long no one would believe her.

Water went over head when he could not do anything to her due to her warnings, to vent his anger in frustration he slapped their daughter for no fault of the little girl calling her whore’s child. He just laughed when she told him that she would be leaving with her daughter. So that is when she came over to our locality. Her mother in law too left her son along with her. Asha started working in a reputed company in HR.

I bow my head to these brave ladies who took such courageous step. Later I learnt that his mother consulted family lawyer and sent him notice for share of property as well as business for her, Asha and little girl. Ajeet wanted them to compromise and return but his mother refused unless their rightful shares are transferred to them. That process is on and in another month or so they will have their share of property and business.

SHOULD ONE DO THIS?

2011-06-09T04:58:00.000-07:00

This happened yesterday. On her insisting I had taken our 3 ½ years old granddaughter to DDA Park in the evening around 6:30s as she did not want to play in our housing society play park which is just a little open green patch between two blocks. The DDA Park has a number of play equipment like slides, see-saw or swings etc which she enjoys and wants to go there at times. Even when our daughter’s children visit us, they have this attraction in their agenda. There were a number of children with escorts. It is fun to see them running around enjoying the outing. We crisscrossed a number of them at some point or the other. I saw a boy of about 2 - 3 years a number of times at the same slide or so as our granddaughter. He was escorted by his mother. She was a nice looking young lady of may be mid 20s and mostly busy on her cell phone, though she kept an eye on the boy.

One of the slides is covered giving it look of a tunnel with a little curve in middle. Our granddaughter loves to slide down in that. That boy too seemed to enjoy the same. I was standing a few feet away at the bottom opening of the slide as I could also see the steps when she went to climb again. His mother was standing close by. She was on cell phone and I could not help but hear some of her conversation. Snatches of that showed that she was talking to someone close to her, I thought may be husband. I was suddenly jolted when I overheard her saying “ No , I can not come tomorrow to your place as I have a couple of important meeting in office which I can not give a miss but my husband is going on tour day after, so I can drive to your place from office and spend the night. Then we can be together till after breakfast on Saturday.” After hearing what the other person said, she replied “ No problems, I will leave him at home telling my in laws that I am going out for a party with Rajani ( name changed ) direct from office and as it will get late I will stay at her place. You know she will cover for me.” I had to move off as our little girl suddenly dashed towards merry go round.

Now this set me thinking how can one do such a thing. I am not prude and I believe that each to his or her own. I am not casting any aspersions on her or passing judgments as I do not know the circumstances.

I firmly believe in equality of both genders. In my opinion girls have equal right to live life the way they want to and have fun as they wish to. Both boys and girls have same curiosities and urges. However I advocate that girls need to be little more cautious as they are at receiving end in most cases. A boy driving back late at night on deserted road runs risk of being robbed but a girl has worse risk than that. Boys will get away with a lot while a girl will get blamed even if she is the victim. If a girl has discrete relation before marriage, it is her decision. Only thing is that it should be as per her conscience and due application of mind without wilting under pressure of any kind. She has to be sure that her partner too is equally discrete and not one who would blabber conquests. If she can seek guidance from someone elder whom she trusts and can speak freely with, nothing like it but she needs to keep it close to her chest otherwise, specially post marriage.

I always ask boys who say that they expect their would be wife to be chaste - Do they ever think the same while having relation with a girl who would be someone’s wife in future or would they accept rejection by a girl because of their such past relationships?

However I firmly believe that both partners be loyal after marriage unless there are some extremely rare unavoidable circumstances beyond control. I know there are couples who go for swap parties ( I personally had known of two such couples ) but in this case I feel that as she was going only in her husband’s absence it was likely in all probability that he was unaware of this liaison. Don’t you think this can lead to unhappiness later?

CENTURY AGAIN BUT MORE SATISFYING

2011-06-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

When I wrote my 100^th post, it was a heady feeling. But now I feel on top of the world as 100^th friend joined my blogs. Thanks a lot THINKING for doing this honour to me. I will strive to live upto expectations of all of you, my dear friends. Thanks for being with me. I definitely love your views as that prompts me to try to better my writing.

Thanks again to THINKING and all of you.

WHO BOTHERS?

2011-06-01T03:47:00.000-07:00

Last month I wrote about Media Antics. While commenting Jigyasa ( freespirit-jigyasa ) very rightly brought out point about availability of Public Toilets. I am aware of this shortfall in our system but still to see if there has been any improvement in the past couple of years I did a little survey on my own. And the findings are pathetic.

While visiting markets or even driving around on roads which are quite busy with all kinds of traffic or even some biggish bus stops I was dismayed to see lack of this facility or even if available it was either non-visible / inaccessible or unfit for use hygienically. In some of the markets I asked shopkeeper if I can find some place to relieve as my bladder is bursting and was mostly told to go behind some shop in isolated place for the same. Pathetic, isn’t it? What about ladies, where do they go?

I think it is time for so called Associations which claim to fight for rights on behalf of traders or residents to do something on this issue. Will somebody in authority please wake up?

E T ? Part 2

2011-05-21T04:02:00.000-07:00

It told me that they too have genders like us and it was female of that specie. She said that they are from another planet which we can not see as they have placed satellites in such a manner to keep it camouflaged from prying eyes. She further said in her planet they have total gender equality unlike pseudo-equality we have and her crew consisted of both males as well as females. On my asking purpose of their visit here and what does she want from me, she told me that to understand that I would need to know a lot of their background. This is what she then told me :-

Our planet is much older than your earth. We too have time calculation method which differs from yours. I will use your terminology for everything to make you understand what I say. We too evolved just like you and progressed as you are now but we have been much ahead of you in every sphere. I can say that we are more than five centuries of your time ahead of you in everything. We too have differences in physical appearance between our inhabitants living in different areas but we always lived in harmony. We shared our knowledge as well as worldly things. But then about 250 years ago a few of our leaders got more ambitious and started having disagreements. So our planet got divided into various segments as per physical appearance of persons lead by their leaders. Competition to be one up started between each segment as per ego of their leaders. Over next 100 years or so there were clashes to dominate each other and finally it was holocaust because of nuclear attacks. Only very few who had taken shelter in deep underground bunkers with proper safeguards survived. Also a miniscule number who were in isolated places like deep in jungles or caves in mountains which were of no interest as targets survived though most of them suffered ill affects of radiation. Thereafter it took us almost 100 years to find our feet properly again, not because we slid back scientifically but our environment was badly affected. We now live in peace and harmony after having learnt lesson in the bitter way. We have been watching you for a very long time, almost 100 years. We have visited your earth a number of times and found that we have almost akin environments. We, with the help of our computers decoded your languages. We have been monitoring what goes on here. We have kept almost all of your different countries under surveillance and know what is being planned. We do not wish to take over your planet but want to have good relations so we can visit each other openly. We have a lot of interesting places which your people may like visiting and we too like many of your places which we would like to spend holidays on. But after study of data collected and analysed we feel that you may not fit the bill for that. We find that our history is being re-run here but with so much more complications. It is very clear that you too are heading fast toward catastrophe. No matter how much we may like to advise you about where you are heading, we are hapless spectators as we have no miracle to make you see into your future. If we show you some of our videographed holocaust you would treat it as some horror movie shot by your famous filmmakers. Some of your countries are trying to enforce their will on weaker ones for controlling their natural resources which are scarce or limited in their own countries. In some countries greedy leaders are suppressing other people for their personal gains and most of them raise bogey of neighboring countries being enemies. This has come to a stage where some madcaps are acquiring WMDs or have their fingers hovering just over nuclear buttons. Why go that far, let me tell you of your own country. Do you really believe you are ONE? Each one of you first thinks of being native of region you live in than of country. And you treat those from other regions who are in your area with contempt. Even if some of your leaders come out with plans benefiting the country as whole, there are many others who will shoot it down because it does not suit their aspirations by calling it anti their regions. Why regions, you have so many segments ( I understood she meant parties ) with leaders who may have just a score of followers but will speak against good proposals as it does not bring anything for their gain. This greed is what made those mad leaders divide our planet leading to catastrophe. This is something which we do not have at all now. Each one of you first thinks what is it in this for me. Even as I am telling you this you too are thinking how best you can make something from our meeting by offering a good plot to movie makers. ( OMG, she got me there ). You do have a system of penalizing those who indulge in unlawful gains but do you really believe it works? How many examples can you tell where such persons paid for what they did or the wealth they made came back to the country? There have been a few minor ones but that too is so rare. Many amongst you will dance to the tune of outsiders as long as it benefits him or her without a care how bad it may be for the country. I do not have to cite example as to how because of such persons those who came in as traders and ruled your country for over a century leaving your country plundered & fragmented . Even now there are persons who play into the hands of neighboring countries to have some personal gain but they do not realize that if your country is enslaved again, they too will be nothing but mere puppets in the hands of those rulers. It is strongly felt by our people that if we inter-mingle inhabitants of your planet will corrupt minds of our inhabitants. You people do not seem to learn from your mistakes just as our ancestors did not. So I think we just need to keep an eye on your planet and offer help to those who survive your doom to rebuild your planet. Of course, our visits will continue in a hope that may be by some miracle the thinking of your people changes for living in peace & harmony.

Then she took away that iPod thing from my hand. I felt a needle prick in my hand while she was taking it away. I, momentarily, lost consciousness. And when I came to, I was sitting on ground there with that contraption high above my head flying away with speed. I looked at my watch and found that little more than half an hour had elapsed since I left home. On getting back home I found my wife waiting for me. As soon as I entered she said that my way of handling the problem seemed best. I looked towards heaven thinking that miracles have started and who knows we all may be able to live with understanding & peace.

E T ?

2011-05-13T23:12:00.001-07:00

A couple of days ago there was a bit of disagreement on some issue with my high command. Yes, it happens even when you are almost completing 40 years of togetherness. I did not want to escalate it and also was not keen on cold war, so I decided to take a walk. It was after dinner and I had walked our dog before calling it a day but made an excuse of having overeaten her delicious food to step out again. My idea was to marshal my thoughts on approach to convince her that we should evolve joint strategy to face the problem at hand. She mostly flies off the handle while I try to mull over all angles before deciding anything.

So off I went. There is huge vacant land next to our housing complex which has peripheral road. It was almost touching 11 at night. There are a lot of stray dogs but I am not scared of these four legged ones. It is two legged variety only which makes me feel afraid. There was hardly any company at that time except couple of young lads little high on what they enjoyed in the evening trudging along singly to their homes. I was walking at leisurely pace deep in my thoughts with not much of an eye for what was happening around. Suddenly I was jolted back when it seemed that something with flickering lights had landed in the centre of that vacant ground. I could see a huge thing like an overloaded truck with dim lights blinking but could not make out much. As far as I could remember there was no structure in the centre of that area. I know curiosity killed the cat but being no cat and with an overpowering urge to see what was it I walked through one of the many little gaps made in the boundary wall by those from nearby shacks around buildings under construction who need to visit that vacant land early mornings. As I approached that object I had a sensation of being watched. I was hardly a few yards away when I felt something clasping my ankles holding me where I was. And I was surrounded by some kind of creatures who were not more than couple of feet tall give or take a few inches. It was rather dark at that place as the street lights reluctantly show the road, if at all. What I could see that these figures were standing on their hind legs with arms almost reaching ground, more like miniature orang- utans. They seemed to be talking to each other in what seemed gibberish like the one you hear during Sales time at a ladies wear store. I saw a trap like door open on that contraption and a figure walk towards me. All went quiet as soon as that happened. That figure or creature came close to me and held my hand. The paw was like human but seemed to have more fingers. This seemed to induce telepathy as thoughts came up in my mind. I was told that it was their leader and they meant no harm to me. I asked then why was I being held and who were they. It asked me to follow and I was released of what was holding my ankles. We entered that contraption and it was like interior of a large cockpit. I was seated and given some sort of small iPod to hold. After that I could understand whatever was being said in their language and I could see that what I said was understood by them. That is when we got into conversation.

TO BE CONTINUED.

P S : KINDLY SEE MY REPLIES TO YOUR VIEWS IN MY PREVIOUS POST.

BASIC GOOD BEHAVIOUR

2011-05-11T07:01:00.001-07:00

Why can we not teach our children some basics of good behaviour? Or even children of our guests too? You may be wondering what prompted this.

Well, there are a number of children who are visiting some family in our building. One can expect a child of 4 or 5 years being curious and take joy rides in lift by pressing buttons for different floors but what about those who are 10 years old or more? It becomes really annoying when you call the lift to your floor but it stops at all the floors below before reaching you and you find no one in the lift with all buttons of floors higher too pressed. So either you take a free ride or let the lift reach topmost floor and call it again. One can overlook it once or twice but all the day around is something beyond. What if someone needs it in emergency?

PS : I was halfway through another post but this act of children made me write it first.

EGO?

2011-04-27T00:51:00.001-07:00

On most of the days I go to our housing complex park in the evenings to keep an eye for safety of our 3 years old granddaughter who goes down for cycling or playing with other children. There are a number of young children between 5 years to 10 years of age, mostly girls as grown up boys take to cricket with tennis ball. The gang of about 6 or so girls usually plays tag game, I spy or such games and let a couple of small boys also join them. Our granddaughter is too small but she keeps running around following them or cycling along with them around the blocks. I generally remain a spectator just keeping an eye for safety factor, following her when she is cycling.

At times I noticed couple of elder girls disagree with each other on rules of the game or some result or something small. Mostly it is clear that one of them is wrong but neither is willing to compromise or adjust. They then split the gang into smaller groups taking some young ones with them though it is for a short time if not for the rest of the play time.

This made me wonder if it is EGO at that young age. If so, how to make them realize that EGO is one of the top killers of any relation?

WASTAGE, ISN'T IT?

2011-04-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

There was a lot of frenzy about beautification of Delhi for CWG, though most of the related work was delayed beyond games. A couple of months ago sidewalks or pavements in our locality were done up with laying of cement bricks. This is welcome as pedestrians now could walk on that raised path without risk of being sideswiped by speeding car trying to overtake other vehicles by encroaching on their passage.

Last week onwards I again find labourers on the same pathways but this time they were digging up bricks in an area about 5 X 5 feet around trees which were on the paths. There are a number of young trees and saplings.

This made me think could the agency responsible for making footpaths not co-ordinate this with horticulture department right from the beginning? Could such coordinated efforts not have lead to saving financially as well as man hours? Or is it deliberate so pockets of some individuals may be lined twice?

MEDIA ANTICS

2011-04-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of days back I was watching a prominent news channel which was selected by my wife. It was telecasting news about entertainment but reminders kept popping up stating “ Be careful if you eat GOLGAPPAS”, “ Biggest Sting Operation”, “ Urine in GOLGAPPAS”, “ Watch next”. May not be in same order. This raised my antennas as my wife and grandchildren sometimes do relish this roadside snack. So I was glued to TV to see what it is. Many thoughts crossed my mind specially after having seen so many news items about adulteration of common products like milk, ghee, KHOYA etc etc. And that too after recent episode of KUTTU ATTA.

But when it was finally shown I was so aghast. It just showed a lone vendor selling GOLGAPPAS at not very crowded spot somewhere in Mumbai. He was being watched by a lady from window on upper floor of nearby building. He suffered sudden pressure built up in his bladders and relieved himself in a utensil which he emptied on the side later. This utensil was utilized to put spicy water in GOLGAPPAS. It was an isolated incident, though what he did was unpardonable but the build up by using so many POP Ups would definitely have made lot of persons wonder as to what adulteration was coming to. This could have been shown as a news also bringing to knowledge of viewers the unhygienic deed of that vendor.

And the result. Well, in newspaper of yesterday there was a news tucked away in a very by the way manner that MNS workers are targeting snack vendors, particularly those selling GOLGAPPAS or PAANIPURIS in Mumbai. This I feel has taken political hue as most of those selling these items are non-maharashtrians. Also this gives another source of HAFTAs to those targeting them.

Don’t you think Media should be more responsible instead of raising a bogey to let some unscrupulous persons make hay out of isolated unwanted act of just one person?

CORRUPTION FREE INDIA IS IN OUR HANDS

2011-04-12T01:34:00.000-07:00

I am not able to find suitable words to say as to how proud I felt by the solidarity shown by persons from all walks of life to Anna Hazare for his efforts to make India corruption free. Those in power recognized the people’s power and first step has been taken to enact law to ensure that those who rob our Nation will be brought to book. I hope and pray that no hitch comes in the way now as there are plenty of those who would like to see this effort scuttled.

Having said that let me now come to what I have in my mind to say in my humble way to ensure corruption free India.

Let us all take a vow that we will not bribe to :

a) avoid getting challaned by traffic police.

b) have our complaint registered at whichever agency it may be.

c) get our file traced or pushed to have our request considered.

d) influence favourable disposable of our case by whatever means.

e) have our tender passed.

f) ensure procurement of our material by Purchase staff of production companies.

g) get OK report from inspection teams

If we all can sincerely do this, I think we AAM AADMI can curb corruption as when there is NO OFFER , how can there be DEMAND. I know all of us will face hard times but in my thinking that is the only way. There is no GAIN without PAIN.

LIGHTER MOMENT

2011-04-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Humour is not an easy job but a serious business. I feel one needs to leave something to a person’s imagination in a joke to make him or her laugh. Let me see if I can bring a smile at least to you all.

A couple got into argument about choice of curtains for the house. The people around were amused to see the husband at the losing end till his wife said that her choice was always better than his. He readily agreed saying “ Sure Honey, I absolutely agree with you, you are my choice while I am your choice.”

Once 4 friends were in a bar having good time. Somehow their talk got around to affects reading a book has on a lady who is expecting. One said his wife read Lone Ranger while in that state and they were blessed with a bonny son. Second said his wife read Tale of Two Cities and they had twins. Third one said his wife read Three Musketeers resulting in triplets for them. Fourth one fainted. When he was revived he stated that his wife was in family way and she was reading Alibaba and 40 Thieves.

There was a sudden spurt in child birth in a village which did not seem normal. A survey was conducted and it was found that a year earlier a new high speed train had been introduced on that route which passed through the village at 5 in the morning. People said it was little early to get up but too late to go back to sleep.

Jojo was in purchase department of a large multi product factory . Few months after marriage he had to go out of town for a few days to procure raw material for production. His wife could not go as she did not get leave. He was expected to be back after a week but he sent sms on 7th day saying “ still purchasing and will take 2 or 3 more days.” But at the expiry of the extended period he sent sms again saying “ still purchasing and may take 2 days more.” Again he sent sms after 2 days “ purchase still on and will take few more days.” His wife replied back “ You better be back or I will start selling what I think you are buying.”

AVOIDABLE, ISN'T IT?

2011-03-31T04:25:00.000-07:00

Some time ago Suruchi ( mytumblingthoughts) wrote a post here about suicide. I did not even think for a while that I may be writing on the same. It is so unfortunate but I need to share it with you all as I very strongly feel it could have been avoided if the involved persons had little human approach. During my evening walks with our dog after her feed I used to see a nice looking young girl of maybe around 18 or so taking rounds of periphery road. She used to be on her mobile all the time and from little what drifted to my ears when she was close enough it was certain that she was talking to her boyfriend. She was smartly dressed, mostly in jeans and matching tops. A few times I saw her with a boy of her age or little older sitting on motorcycle at isolated spot on the road away from our locality and chatting. Couple of times I saw them in the market engrossed in their own world oblivious to the surrounding. I never spoke to her as it is not my habit to intrude into someone’s space unless other person shows some inclination to talk. I was shocked when someone told that she committed suicide couple of days ago. What I learnt is that she stayed in nearby locality and had a 4 years younger brother. Her father is very strict and does not allow children any liberty at all. Her mother is more like a spectator. She had joined a girls college last year. As life became a little less rigid than school, she became friendly with few other girls. She on seeing them have friendship with boys got little curious and on insistence of some girls she became friends with the boy with whom I had seen her. It was all hush hush with no inkling to her anyone in her family, specially her father. In due course of time she developed trust in that boy. He took advantage of that to make her accept physicality in gradual way. As the luck would have it his younger brother had a fight with her younger brother as they are both in the same class. He was at the losing end and in fit of rage told her brother that his brother f***s his sister. The youngster was crying when he returned home and on threats of his father blurted out the whole thing. You can well imagine what must have followed. This girl was thrashed badly and locked up in her room with threat that no more college and she will be married off to the first boy they select. That lead to her committing suicide. Now what comes to my mind is what was the cause? I strongly feel that as children grow up we need to be more like a friend to encourage them to share what goes on in their mind. We should educate them on facts of life as per their age. Instead of using rod we should develop habit in them to sieve between right and wrong following their conscience. If one continues to deal with children harshly without caring for their feelings or age, they would tend to do what is forbidden when not under surveillance.

WE CAN DO IT

2011-03-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

My memories of Delhi go back to mid 1950s. I used to visit this city a few times every year on holidays which continued even after I started working. I used to stay in South Delhi except for first couple of years which was at Anand Prabat. The area those days had lots of open spaces around with green fields dotting sides of roads even till 1970s. I did visit Karol Bagh, Darya Ganj, Chandani Chowk etc but found roads to have enough space. I had traveled in Trams as well as those motorcycle engine autos called Phatphats. Haphazard expansions started only after that altering the face of city making it look so congested. Even traffic those days was comfortable and one could cross even busiest of roads without much difficulty but now to do the same is like Russian Roulette. I have been in Delhi since 1986 and have seen traffic go from bad to worse. I know that there is increase not only in population but in number of vehicles, all kinds, too. More than the number of vehicles it is traffic sense which has deteriorated more. We can still manage if we keep some basic road courtesies in mind. Based on my own experience of driving, I am giving a few DOs and DON’Ts which can help in smooth and orderly traffic flow.

First and foremost one needs to remember that others too have equal right to use the roads. If someone has to apply brakes of his or her vehicle harshly because of some driving action on your part, it is you who is wrong.

Maintain steady pace as per situation. If you are driving in extreme right lane which is meant for overtaking do not block traffic following you with slow driving keeping long gap with vehicle in front of you.

Stick to one lane and do not change lanes when traffic is heavy unless it is clear to do so. There are many who either drive half in each of two lanes or weave in and out of lanes as per their wish to move forward. Two and three wheelers are the main culprits for the second part with quite a few car drivers too doing the same.

Anticipate traffic signal change when still at a distance. Never speed up excessively on seeing green traffic light at a distance as it may turn red once you reach there leaving you with no time to stop while vehicles from other direction may move fast on getting green signal.

Do keep in mind that pedestrians too have right to use road at traffic lights to cross on designated zebra markings. So do not encroach on that space making those on foot to cross road zigzagging through vehicles.

Concentrate on driving and not chit chatting or indulging in discussions with co-passenger or enjoying sights around.

While asking for directions or talking on mobile ensure that you are not blocking those following you.

God forbid, if some mishap takes place be courteous to stop and help one who is injured. Even if someone has hit or brushed your vehicle, talk it out with cool mind instead of indulging in slanging match.

While parking one should ensure that passage is not blocked for other vehicles. There are a number of persons who park in market as close to the shop they wish to visit without a care that they disrupt smooth flow of traffic.

A number of persons do not switch lights ON at DAWN ie just after the daybreak and at DUSK ie little before twilight as they feel they can see well but they do not realize that in the limited light their vehicles may not properly visible to others. Keeping lights on does not increase fuel consumption.

And I have not talked about commercial vehicles like buses, trucks or tempos and cabs. These are devil’s own employees.

I request you all to suggest more.

HOLI HAI

2011-03-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY HOLI.

MAY YOUR LIFE BE AS COLOURFULLY HAPPY AS YOU GET COLOURED THIS DAY.

NANNY Vs PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

2011-03-12T02:44:00.000-08:00

Nanny has become a necessity with more and more nuclear families coming up with both partners working. It is really a big task to find correct person for the job. Parents have to have faith in the one employed. There are numerous agencies offering candidates for this job. Some are taken on by recommendations of other known persons. But should we be satisfied once we have taken a nanny that child will be well taken care of, specially in case of small child who can not communicate properly? This is one aspect which many parents prefer blind eye or deaf ear to. I am bringing this up as there was a case reported from Banglore that a nanny used to hire out small child to organized begging racket. As soon as parents went off for work she handed over the child to a beggar woman who used to give sedative to child and dress him up in rags to go for begging on roads. The child was returned before parents came back. Parents did notice the child to be drowsy and malnourished but did not feel alarmed. However one day mother returned early as she was unwell and that is how the whole racket was exposed. You all may say that this is one of the rare cases. I agree but what I have personally seen is also not desirable.

When I go for evening walk I see a lot of nannies in the park as they bring their wards to play there. But what shocks me is that almost all of them sit in groups chatting while children are running around freely and unsupervised. There are rocky patches, pits dug for planting saplings or even slippery slopes which are potential danger spots for small child if he or she stumbles. And concerned nanny will be unable to react as she is sitting at a distance. When I used to or even now take our small grandchildren I make it a point to stay just a couple of paces behind to ensure nothing untoward happens. If they go with maid, I randomly go and see as to what is she doing. Also I have seen small children being scolded in the park or at home for minor issues because it is inconvenient for nanny or maid to tackle them.

So what is the remedy? Well, should grandparents of child or some elder relative not be accepted as part of family if they can join? I know a lot of today’s young girls wish to have independence but is it not just satisfying own ego instead of looking for better upbringing of child? If such situation is not possible, then a random check on activities of maid or nanny is definitely advisable.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2011-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

Lately there has been a lot of talk about black money stashed away in foreign accounts. A lot of noise is made by many righteous sounding persons but I have my serious doubts if anything tangible will come out of this uproar. Why talk about funds abroad, how about within the country? Two news items make me say this. One is about unaccounted cash including foreign having been found in a religious place and second about Rs 100 crore wedding.

The first instance should make all of us wonder about accountability of religious institutes. I know we do not wish to hurt religious feelings as we all feel that being religious absolves us from all sins but should we not also take a practical view without any bias? Lot of offerings are made at even small places but is there any proper track of that being kept? Is there any audit like that of corporate accounts? Do they take cash or kind offerings on charge at close of everyday and account for the same? Is someone responsible to authenticate it? Is there a foolproof method of spending it for right causes? Are we sure that part of it does not find way into wrong hands for unwanted activities?

In second instance it has been reported that Rs 100 crore is being spent for a wedding. It is all very fine as it would definitely give profit to many involved parties related to work for it. But what comes to my mind is that to have that much of amount one needs to have made profit of at least 1 ½ times of this amount to have saved this much after paying Income Tax etc. Is there a check on this? And is it not just a vain show off? For half of that amount I could have for all the years to come in future ensured imparting vocational training in different skills every year to more than 4000 youngsters from underprivileged class to make them self reliant. And then we talk of unjust society.

GUILTY, AM I ?

2011-02-26T03:25:00.000-08:00

I do not know how to begin this as I have a guilt feeling for not doing what may have prevented a sad happening. I have to get it off my chest.

In the previous locality I used to take our dog for walk after her morning feed at about 6:30 or so. I became friends with another morning walker, Prakash a couple of years younger to me. Initially we just crossed each other without any contact. After a few days he asked me about breed of our dog and that is how our daily meetings started. In a short time we developed a strong bond as we shared lot of common ideas, major being that we both believed that once children grow up we should treat them in friendly manner thus encouraging them to share their feelings with us without any hesitations. Due to daily rush of life we could not spend as much time together as we may have liked. Apart from our morning walks, we at times went together to market or for some other chore. We did visit each other a few times. He had retired from Government service and his wife too had been a teacher. Their son, Sahas, stays with them. He is their only child. He is working as Manager Marketing in a MNC which involves a lot of travel out of city and many times country too. A very well mannered young man with modern outlook and a lot of compassion for others.

A year down the line Prakash told me that an ex-colleague of his had suggested a match for his son. He wanted us to accompany him and his wife to see the girl as they stayed in the same city. He also told me that he had known her father during his service time but had not met him for a very long time. I asked him if his son knew of this. His reply was affirmative and that Sahas had given his go ahead. He added that earlier his son had liked a girl very much and they too had given their blessings but her father did not agree. So Sahas had let the girl go by her father’s wishes.

We visited the girl’s house in a decent locality. Her father did most of the talking while mother seemed mute spectator. Her younger brother, a final year MBBS student, after initial curtsey stayed out of the room mostly. The girl, Nisha, appeared smart and well mannered but seemed reluctant to speak. I put it down to feeling shy. It was told by her father that she is working as Manager in finance department of a reputed company. Prakash insisted that boy and girl must meet independently to decide. Her father said that once he has agreed there was no such need. But he was ruled out by my friend who stated that it being question of their life, it was they who should decide and not we elders. They met a few days later and decided to tie the knot.

Their marriage was solemnised at their native place as per wishes of Prakash’s old mother. We could not attend it. We invited them over on their return and found Nisha to be rather very quite. Again I thought that she is in the process of adjusting to new role so it seemed natural. Our morning chats continued and Prakash seemed to be quite contended.

A couple of months later I saw perceptible change in his composure. He seemed preoccupied in some thoughts. On my asking reasons for this, he initially said there was nothing to it but a couple of days later he asked for my help to solve what was bothering him. He told me that on seeing Sahas a little distracted for few days, he asked for the reason. Sahas had stated that Nisha told him when her father informed her about their marriage proposal, she had confessed about her liking someone else. She had been in love with that boy for over five years. Her father not only refused to agree for her marrying him but threatened her with grave results if she even talked of it any more. Knowing her father’s strict outlook she had no option but to agree for marrying Sahas. That is why she did not say anything about it when they met before marriage. However she had not been able to forget that boy and they continued to be in touch. On being asked she had stated they both had been very close. Sahas told her that it was natural to fall in love at that age and to succumb to temptations. He advised her to let the past be past and she must stop all contact with that boy to get over her feelings enabling them to have trust in their marriage. She had promised that she would try to. This is where Prakash was worried as though Nisha’s office got over at 5 PM and even with little extra time of work and evening traffic she could easily drive back by 7 but she generally reached home around 8, even much later when Sahas was away on tours. He had not thought much about it earlier but after coming to know of what she intimated Sahas, he was very upset with all kinds of thoughts. I asked him not to let this burden his mind and let them resolve it between themselves. Though he reluctantly agreed but did not seem inclined to it. A couple of days later he asked me to check out on this or speak to Nisha. I promised him I would. He seemed to have changed his routine as I did not see him much on morning walks. We shifted out from there a month or so later.

A few days ago I came to know that he was hospitalized. On visiting him I was shocked to see him reduced to almost skeleton with far away look in his eyes. He hardly recognized anyone or responded to questions. I was told by Sahas that he seemed to have gone into deep depression on something which lead to this. I just could not bring myself to tell him about what his father had confided in me. This makes me feel guilty as I could have at least spoken to Nisha as we did share nice rapport. If that had not convinced him, I could have made a pretence to checking on her and given clean chit. This may have helped him to get over those nagging doubts.

CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-17T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th post. So I dedicate it to all of you.

I came into being in the blog world sometime in 2006 on joining o3.indiatimes. After having seen life from close quarters and having felt ups & downs I was keen to share my experiences as well as thoughts with hope that it may help someone not making avoidable mistakes. I write under pen name as I share many real life incidents and do not wish to compromise identity of those about whom I write.

The journey there was very satisfying as there were many other bloggers who became regular visitors and we shared a bond. But unfortunately the site gave lot of problems while posting comments, so many of my friends moved out to this space. A fine young lady motivated me also to start posting here. So I joined BLOGSPOT in end 2008. I started posting my writings at both places simultaneously. It went on for almost over a year with new visitors becoming friends here. o3.indiatimes changed it’s settings making it almost impossible to be there, so after having reached almost 80+ posts there I bade farewell to that site to be here exclusively.

I developed a strong bond with many of you because of your regular visits leaving footprints or your mesmerizing posts and as time passed it became more like a family here. I have immense happiness when you all visit, particularly to see you views and made sincere efforts to visit each of you as regularly as circumstances including my age permit. I have smile on my face when you share happy news, my chest puffs up when you share your success and feel sad when you write about feelings of hurt or loneliness. I genuinely feel to be of support in some way or the other if anyone so desires. I know it is each of us who have to face life at our own but there are many a times when it is advisable to get some direction from one who can sincerely offer so. My advice to those who still carry burden on their mind is to share it with those you feel comfortable with to have unbiased view. Some of you write very boldly which I appreciate and may have in few instances given well meaning caution to be careful lest others misunderstand such openness.

Many of you visit silently but I do get to know of it at times and am so grateful for being with me. I have not been able to visit many of you as there was no way to navigate to your space for lack of links. I apologise for this unintended folly of mine. Few of you drifted away but are still close to my heart and I pray for their well-being. I visit them as much as I can.

I have been in touch with some of this new family by mail and by phone. I did have fortune to also meet few which made me feel so protective. Most of them know my real name but with promise not to share it in blogspot. I am sure that each one of you will understand what I wish to say to each of you. Those of you who are close to me will know it as I feel their reciprocation. So no names.

I hope and pray that each of you do get what you wish for. That will give me true happiness. May God be kind to each one of you.

WORLD IS MIXED BAG

2011-02-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

This world is really a mixed bag. After having shared about goodness still being there in human kind, I was brought back to reality with a jerk.

I used to see a girl of about 14 or so going to school in the morning when I took our dog for morning round. She used to be going out of our complex gate. Her uniform showed that she went to some government school. In the evenings I normally saw her looking after 2 children of around 7 and 5 in our small park. I had seen them too going to some public school in the mornings. Her clothes gave an impression of her being a maid. At times I saw a lady, who is mother of those small children as they addressed her as mummy, scolding her for being careless. Her tone used to be very harsh. The girl looked scared but did not say anything. On few occasions I saw all of them going out in car driven by a well dressed man. This girl used to be in the back seat with children in same maid kind of attire. I felt happy that they are affording education for their maid. However it was so short lived.

A neighbor of our was with me yesterday when we saw them going out in the car. I remarked to him that how nice of these people to send their maid to school. He looked at me and asked me did I know them. On my negative reply, he said then I do not know the actual facts. He then went on to tell me that the man is her father while the lady is her step mother. She treats her like a maid making her do all household chores in the morning before going to Municipal school and same is the story in the evenings while her father is a mute spectator. I was dumb struck on this revelation.

GOOD SHOW

2011-01-31T07:57:00.000-08:00

Kamal, a young man of 23 or so, almost 6 footer, handsome with good physique, had been with me in one of the organizations where I was GM a few years ago. He was very good in his work but used to get very shy if he had to talk to any girl. After I left that organization he used to call up off and on. It was a pleasant surprise when I met him a couple of days ago in the market. A young woman showing signs of being newly married was accompanying him. He introduced her as his wife, Sandhya. They had got married a month ago. I invited them over to our house as it was time for evening tea.

It was over cup of tea when Sandhya was in the kitchen with my better half, I asked him as to how come he did not tell me about getting married. What he told me is something for which I admire him.

One of his distant cousins got married to Sandhya about 6 months ago. It was love marriage. His parents had agreed reluctantly. Her father had passed away while she was in school. Her mother survives on his family pension. Unfortunately his cousin died in a motorcycle accident about 4 months after marriage. His parents told her to either go back to her mother or marry their elder son who is a widower with 3 grown up children. She was still to come out of grief and she was shattered with this. Knowing her mother’s financial state she could not have gone back to her without first getting some good job and she could never think of getting married to her brother in law with grown up children as she had always looked upto him as elder brother. Her in laws were insisting that she decide soon. When Kamal came to know of this, he spoke to his parents as he felt this was total injustice to poor girl. His parents were very supportive. On approaching her in laws they were told who would marry that girl to invite bad luck. That is when Kamal, the only child of his parents, offered to marry her without any clauses. His parents backed him up. They got married within few days after that in a very simple ceremony in a temple and also registered it in the court.

Hearing this I felt lump in my throat and at the same time felt so proud of him. May God be kind to them and give courage to more youngmen to do what they feel is right.

ALONE WE ALL ARE

2011-01-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

There is a saying ONE COMES ALONE INTO THIS WORLD AND GOES ALONE. I believe in it as a statement of fact with just little variation. After COMES ALONE it should be added IS ALONE before AND GOES ALONE.

Confused? Well, I have read some of my friends here wonder what happens and why friends drift away. I did comment that as time progresses each of us gets into own world and slowly not only friends but even relatives drift away. New friends come, far off relatives become close and then again the same process is repeated. At times closeness is due to own needs too. Now you may be wondering am I becoming senile at 65, so let me explain what made me state this.

I had been in this space for almost a year and half. I have been trying to write as regularly as I could but I did visit my blogger friends regularly leaving my comments. For the past month and half I had been erratic and did not visit even those with whom I bond. And in all this time, it seems that none of my dear friends wondered as to what has happened. Even those with whom I had been in touch either by e mails or some on telephone also, did not feel necessary to check how is this old man. I did write a post about it and I know we do believe in letting one have privacy and do not wish to intrude into his or her space but continued absence does make at least me wonder about my regular friends prompting me to enquire if ALL IS WELL.

So it is true that ONE COMES ALONE INTO THIS WORLD, IS ALONE AND GOES ALONE.

MOCKERY OF LAW

2011-01-19T08:15:00.001-08:00

At times I wonder is law equal for all?

Recently there were reports of demolition of unauthorized structures on Government land. Just because those happened to have been constructed to offer worship or prayers, does it justify those to be allowed to remain? Why should the authorities wilt under threat of unrest? Is it because of vote bank as those in power are scared that if they act strongly the opposition parties will take advantage to garner that vote bank? Have we still not learnt lessons after having been ruled by outsiders for such a long time that TOGETHER WE STAND DIVIDED WE FALL? Are we that short sighted and selfish?

That brings second point for thought. Have such structures or for that matter ADRASH Society Building or Lavasa township or Latika Park building which collapsed resulting in deaths of so many or any other unauthorized colonies come up overnight? Where were those responsible to ensure no unauthorized building comes up when all these were under construction? Should we not give exemplary punishment to those who allowed such structures or colonies come up?

May we have a discussion on this?

MANNERS?

2011-01-09T05:57:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I had taken our dog, Cocker Spaniel, out in the afternoon and on my return I found lift to be on the ground floor with a lady with 2 children – a girl of about 12 and boy of about 8, getting in. As I came close to the lift, the girl said “ You take the other lift.” The way in which she said it conveyed that it was like an order and not request because of being scared of dog. I always keep the dog on short leash when people are around and am careful that she does not trouble anyone. She as it is, is very docile and childfriendly. Our grandchildren keep troubling her without any retaliation from her. What made me feel sad was that little girl did not have any regard for my age, close to her grandfather’s. And her mother, I so presume, also did not have courtesy to use polite language. She just kept mum. Is this what we teach our children for manners? She could have politely said “ Please take the other lift as I am scared of dog.”

LIFE IS HECTIC

2011-01-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

In her comment to my post - Is It Fair?, Restless had said, though in lighter vein, she thought I would be reviewing my performance in this space. Well, I can not disappoint the Young Lady, so here I go for an introspection of 2010.

All in all it was a satisfactory year, though I would have been a lot happier if it was without all those politically shaded happenings. In my personal life I had set 2 goals, first being to overcome my whatever little negative thinking still left and second being to see what could be done to have our son settled with his wife and daughter. And I also set goal to write at least 50 posts here during 2010. For my first target, I can proudly claim that I did overcome a lot of negativity and am looking at the positive side of each happening. I hope to be totally positive in the near future. On second too, after a lot of deliberations, there has been success though at a cost. We shifted residence to another locality from where we had spent two stints of almost 5 years and over 10 years to fulfill this. We are together now and I pray that there are no more setbacks on this issue. Some of you are aware of what was the problem. Leaving old locality was not happy as we had got so used the that place. Apart from that our daughter’s children used to be with us after school till evening. Now I go there on each school day to be with her young son on his return from school so he does not feel neglected while being alone with maid. His elder sister comes back from school around 3 pm and I leave at 5 pm or so when they go to play in the park. This makes my life hectic but no regrets as we can not ignore them also.

I did achieve my target of 50 posts but now I feel so tired after all that running around that I have not been able to keep up with my earlier tempo of writing and visiting you all. Cold weather too has it’s affect on this old man. I have a long list to visit and had been making all efforts to visit each blogger friend at least on alternate days. But presently it has become difficult for me. Another factor which makes it so is that our 3 years old granddaughter is becoming computer addict. As soon as she spots me on PC she just charges onto me to put computer games telling me MUJHE BHI SIKHAYO ( Teach me too ). I have no option but to take her in my lap and guide her hand while entering for search or moving mouse. In the mornings when she is in school I have to rush to previous locality after finishing my morning chores including grooming of our dog and in the evenings as well as week ends she is there to claim her right to use PC. So please do bear with me. I shared some of my experiences and there are lot more to write about which I will as soon as I find my feet again properly.

Well, that is what is my life and I have NO complaints about it.

NEW YEAR WISHES

2010-12-31T23:30:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.

MAY 2011 BE JUST THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE.

IS IT FAIR?

2010-12-29T05:18:00.000-08:00

This is my 50th post of the year. I was searching for suitable topic to put my thoughts across and it struck me that it is time of the year for annual appraisals in many organizations. So why not say something about that.

The meaning of appraisal as given in Oxford Dictionary is “1. the action of assessing. 2 a formal assessment of an employee’s performance.”

So this is supposed to be an assessment of an employee’s performance during the period of assessment. But is it so? Most of the organizations including Governmental set %age limits of giving various levels of assessments i e exceptional, above average, average, satisfactory etc etc should not exceed so much % of strength of employees being assessed. Thus appraising authority has now to categorise employees he or she is assessing within those limits. So it therefore becomes a process of comparison of each individual’s performance vis-à-vis his or her colleagues. Don’t you think that when this comparison is done, it can lead to extraneous factors? This defeats the main purpose of appraisal “ A FORMAL ASSESSMENT OF INDIVIDUAL EMPLOYEE’S PERFORMANCE.”

I have always been advocating that we do not compare one with other but his or her performance be judged as it is - be it Good, Bad or Ugly.

May I have your views on this?

RESPECT FOR RELIGION

2010-12-25T02:47:00.000-08:00

This is with no intentions to hurt anyone’s sentiments. It is my personal thought. While I fully respect all religions but also feel that faith is choice of an individual.

I was so amazed to read that there have been objections by some organization on religious tattoo of some TV artiste and this is the second instance it has been stated. If someone is so strongly religious that he or she wants to have a religious symbol embossed on body without showing any disrespect why should there be any hue and cry? As seen in the picture she has tattoo on left side of chest, thus showing deep respect to the symbol having it close to her heart all the time. I would be the first person to raise an objection, without any bias of religion, if it was on any part of body showing disrespect. Those who point finger at any one for showing disrespect should first search their own heart to see if they have never done anything against the tenets of their religion. Can we not have little open mind on such matters? Or do we have so much of time at hands that we waste it on such matters instead of concentrating on some constructive work? There are so many persons in need of help for something or the other, should we not utilize our time and efforts for that?

DOUBLE STANDARDS

2010-12-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

Finally I am back as our internet has been shifted. So here I am with you all again. It will take some days before I can visit all of you and also reply to your comments. Please bear with me.

On shifting out of Vasant Kunj after second stint stay of more than a decade to Dwarka, I was out exploring the market area of new place to see if all my necessities are available. The market is well spread and comparable to Connaught Place. So I decided to look around over a couple of days at leisure. Driving does not let you have a proper look making one can miss out what is on search radar . As the market was within comfortable distance, I decided to walk from the complex we had our new abode. I did find what all I was looking for within my walking distance and that made me quite happy. But what I am going to tell you is something which we all must give a thought to.

I found the market to be upscale. The gentry seemed to be educated and well placed in life. I found a lady looking for place to park her car and all the while she was loudly cursing others for parking their cars haphazardly making it difficult for her to find parking space. And when she did find space, she parked her car blocking exit of at least another car as well as a couple of two wheelers. This set me thinking when we do not want others to do something wrong do we have right to do wrong ourselves?

WHY ?

2010-12-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

She had walked out of her marriage of over 18 years.

A little over month ago I alongwith my wife had gone to the vast departmental store which we frequent for our household needs and met her there. She was in Customer Care and enquired from us if we faced any difficulty. She is in early 40s. We found her very respectful and genuinely interested in helping customers. Over next few visits we developed bond with her. She and my wife got along as if they were long lost friends, though she was much younger. It was only last week that she confided in my wife.

She had worked for a few years after completing her graduation. Her had been a modest businessman and reasonably well off. She had arranged marriage with a match suggested by some far relative. His family also has been in business and well off. He lived with parents while his elder sister was married and lived in nearby town. Her father went by whatever was said by that lady relative. Few days after marriage she came to know that he had penchant for girls and had liaison with many other girls which he continued doing. His parents were of the opinion that once he was married he would get over this habit. His sister was almost on not speaking terms with him as he had tried to flirt with her sister in law.

She kept this to herself as her father who had heart ailment, would have been distraught on hearing it. Her brother was much too young to do anything. Her mother in law advised that she continue to make efforts to change him. She tried all methods but he used to become violent and hit her if she tried to stop him from going out. His father had got married rather late in life and was getting on the years. As such he remained mute spectator. He passed away in second year of her marriage. Now there was no one to say anything to him as he inherited the business.

She bore with this shame all these years without telling anyone. In due course she had a daughter and few years later a son. For the sake of children she kept quiet and stopped trying to change him. With advancing age it was becoming difficult for him to find girls so he started visiting women of ill repute. Their marriage was just for show. Her mother in law too passed away a couple of years ago. Now what made her walk out was that about three months ago while highly inebriated and frustrated at not finding any girl to satisfy his lust he misbehaved with his 16 years old daughter. This was beyond her tolerance and she hit him with a rod rescuing young girl. She did not even wait for daybreak and left that house with children with whatever little she could pack. She moved to her mother’s house. Next day her husband came begging her to return but she told him in no uncertain terms that time has come that he pays for his sins.

What surprised me is that being an educated girl she put up with this hell for so long. In my opinion she should have walked out long long ago even before children were born.

PS : We are shifting our residence, so I may not be coming on internet for few days till the same is installed at new house.

VULGARITY ?

2010-12-07T22:24:00.001-08:00

OK, so you have it, means not under discussion, but do you have to indulge in vulgar show of your wealth? Or compete to show that you can do more? And that too by making something much much beyond most luxurious living. Does this wasteful expenditure not prick your conscience? Would that excess expenditure not meet bare necessities of so many underprivileged? Or provide good education to so many needy bright students of weaker section? Oh! May be you have no such feelings.

GO TO HELL

2010-12-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you want to say the above words as you feel so disgusted at the adamant behavior of the person but you can not as it is not your nature or may be that person is very close to you. What do you do in such situation? Do you just sulk? Or do you withdraw into your shell? Or you just let it pass and forget about it? Or you politely tell the person it is not acceptable? Or you ignore that person and carry on as usual?

FACE LIFE AS IT COMES

2010-11-30T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ankit and Ankita were like two sides of the same coin. They both had akin qualifications and were doing similar job, though in different departments. I had joined that organization a few weeks ago and could easily see that they were in love. He was elder by a couple of years. He was a migrant while she belonged the same place. Everyone expected them to get married soon. I interacted with employees as part of my job. A lot of them used to come to me if they faced any problem or had some suggestions for improvement in day to day activities. Both of them somehow got close to me and confided in me.

His parents had given their blessings but her father was reluctant. The reason being that Ankit or his family did not own any house in that place. They had property at their native place but due to law & order situation they had not been there for a long time. It was told that distant relatives who were there had taken over everything and it would need a lot of community persuasion or may be even litigation before they could get it back. She did not mind to go ahead with marriage without her family’s participation and he was firm that they would not do anything which can cause break up in relationships. They both were waiting that may be her father would agree some day.

About six months later it was learnt that her father had fixed her marriage with one of his friend’s son. She knew not only that boy but his family also very well. Her father put emotional pressure on her and she could not resist. In about 15 days she was married off. She was on leave for a month. In this time Ankit left for another company as he told me he would not like to cause any unwanted situation for her. On her return she tried to contact him but on her calling up he wished her all the best and told her to settle down happily with her husband. Once she told me that she misses him a lot and memories keep flooding her mind whenever she is in office. I advised her to change job so with change of environments it would be easy for her to overcome this mental condition. She did so within a short period.

Both of them kept in touch with me. I took care not to ever talk to them about other. She was blessed with twins, a boy and a girl, in about two years of marriage. Her husband is doing very well and is in a senior VP in his company. She too has done well in new company and is very respected by all there. His parents are staying with them, so children have proper care.

Ankit was sent abroad by his company for further training and on return he was sent to another city to set up new plant. He too got married the year she was blessed with twins. His parents had selected girl for him. He is very busy in his new assignment while she has her own boutique. They have a son. His parents too had moved with him.

My aim of narrating this was to bring out that it is not end of the world if we do not get what we desire. It is advisable to face the situation bravely and be logical in taking further decisions.

? ? ? ? ?

2010-11-24T01:40:00.001-08:00

It was colder than expected. I was little early for my morning walk. Dawn was slowly pushing the night away. There was hardly anyone else. I was alone on this long stretch of road. I was silently saying prayers as usual. Suddenly I felt as if someone was keeping pace with me on my side. I tried to see who was there from corner of my eye. I could not make out any shape. It was just a brilliant light encased in what seemed like mist. I was mystified. Then I heard a booming voice which seemed to come from heaven.

“ Son! I have been watching you for sometime and thought it is time to meet you.”

Tubelight with bad choke just lit up “ OMG! Is that you God?”

“Who else do you think I am?”

“ But God, I can hardly make out any shape or figure.”

“ I have no shape or figure but you people have given me different shapes or figures and names.”

“ OK, God! I sincerely apologize.”

“ It is OK. I am here today as I want to grant you one boon. What would you like to have, Son?”

After mulling over for some time, “ God! There are so many things which need to be rectified in this world so may I request you to empower me to do what I ever wish to.”

“ That is blanket power you are asking for, Son. What is in your mind which you wish to do?”

“ Well, God! You, of course, know I enjoy good things in life which includes admiring beauty - living or of mother nature. I do look at a gorgeous woman second time but beyond that is something which I feel is not decent. So the first thing I will do once you bless me with such power is to cast a spell by which as soon as someone starts eve-teasing, his bladder control will give way making him wet his pants or whatever in public becoming an object of ridicule.”

“ Noble thought, Son. What next?”

“ Well, God. Next on the list is that as soon as someone raises hand to snatch a chain or purse or bag etc he or she will freeze like in game statue statue. His or her vehicle, if any, will also seize.”

“ I agree, Son. There have been little too many of such happenings. Youngsters instead of working hard to have good life want to have it in easy way. What more do you have in mind?”

“ God, for the next I will need a lot of help from small living things. As soon as someone ventures to molest a girl or woman, all bees or wasps or mosquitoes or scorpions in near vicinity reach there and sting that person you know where before he can do any harm.”

“ Well, Son, that would be much better than victim facing trauma later during trials etc. What next?”

“ Well, God! In your area I am sure there is no problem with traffic as there are only few who use UDANGHATOLAS ( Flying Chariots ), but here with aggressive marketing and easy availability almost everyone has wheels, two or four. There are three wheeled demons too. They drive with no regard for other users of paths. Traffic lights are just show piece for most of them. Many people have reached you due to collisions as a result of disregards for traffic sense. So what I will do is that the moment someone thinks of jumping a traffic light or do some other such thing endangering others, his or her vehicle will brake automatically till the light turns green or there is no danger to someone due to his or her likely acts.”

“ Son, I too am aghast that so many persons reach me at such young age and so badly mangled due to someone else’s fault. This will reduce such untimely departure of persons to a large extent. Let me know what is next?

“Yes, God. You are of course aware that there are many persons who are so greedy that they have amassed wealth beyond means in untraceable accounts here and abroad by looting the country thus paralyzing the system. I would cast spell that such persons including their near & dear ones whom they love and care for are paralysed with only seeing & hearing power intact. The main person would get message like pop ups on computer that they will recover only when he or she gives back all the ill gotten wealth to the treasury and such recovery process would start only once vow is taken to return the wealth. Such recovery will start with his or her partial recovery first only to enable fulfillment of vow and on completion of return of such wealth, they all will recover fully.”

“ Hmmmmmmm, Son, there are many more person apart from them who use unfair means for making money. How about them?”

“ They will change once big fish is in the net, isn’t it God?”

“ Yes, Son. Anything before I go back as there is so much to be done.”

“ Well, God, there is so much more needed but I will say the last but not the least for what is growing beyond limits. There are some persons who by invoking your name indulge in activities which I am sure are not approved by you too. Something needs to be done on that issue too.”

“ Son, I am already taking care of such persons. When they finally come to me beaming with pride and looking for rewards from me, I send them back to earth but on the side of victims so they taste their own medicine.”

I felt someone nudging my side and found that my wife was shaking me saying “ What are you muttering in sleep? Are you going senile in old age? It is time to get up now and take the dog for morning round.”

THE 10 MUST HAVES FOR PEACE OF MIND

2010-11-18T02:56:00.000-08:00

In my previous post, UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE, I had hoped that two issues which were not spelt out but were the cause of lonely living of Kaka & Kaki would be noticed. But unfortunately only Restless partially caught on one. The issues are :

How for pursuit of our own ambitions we compromise on sacred relations, as evident by their younger son being virtually cut off from them.

How most of the girls, no matter how well educated, have mistrust for in- laws even when there is no show of bad intents by them, as evident in their daughter in law moving to her mother’s place.

Now coming to this post. Ellen ( ellen-inretrospect ) had written in her post - THE 10 MUST HAVES INSIDE MY TOTE BAG – that we can list out same for many other aspects, like home, kitchen, travel and relationship etc. I while commenting had said that I am looking forward to her next post concerning relationship and I am also motivated to write one such post. So here I go on

THE 10 MUST HAVES FOR PEACE OF MIND

1. Be Honest To Yourself :

This in my opinion is the topmost. We can paint our wrongs as rights to others by advancing reasons in a manner making them believe those. But in heart of hearts we know we are wrong. So if we are honest to ourselves, we will be guided by our conscience to avoid doing anything wrong which would make us feel scared what if it is found out affecting our peace of mind.

2. Be Content With What You Have :

This does not mean that have no dreams or ambitions. Make all efforts to achieve what you desire for but be content with what you get. Continue striving without getting saddened if the results are less than expected.

3. Have No Jealousy :

X has a huge mansion inspite of being a dud while I live in a flat inspite of being so intelligent or Y has so many men as friends while I am more beautiful and intelligent but have hardly any, so you start feeling jealous of those persons. So analyse it , may be your financial management needs improvement or you are too snooty and make changes accordingly. Do think it over, does being jealous change anything? So let it be. Each to his or her own. Make efforts to achieve what they have.

4. Be Truthful :

Be truthful in your dealings, promises, relationships and profession. If you lie, it does make you feel insecure that it may be found out. I know it is easier said than done but in tricky situations one may find way out with diplomacy than telling a lie.

5. Have No Ego :

Be proud but not vain. If we feel we are superior to others, it will make us long for attention and if we do not get it or someone else gets it instead of us, this will lead to heartburn thus no peace of mind.

6. Have Open Mind :

Be prepared to listen to other person’s logic or reasons instead of being adamant the it is only “I” who is right. Accept your weaknesses or failures or mistakes.

7. Do Not Keep Grudges :

If someone has hurt or harmed us, talk it out but forget after that. Do be careful of that person in future but if we keep the hurt or harm fresh in our memory, it will lead to our mind being disturbed and longing for revenge all the time.

8. Communicate Honestly :

When you hide some facts while communicating to others, be it at work place or family affairs or friends or personal details, it will always lurk in your mind what if the hidden issues or details are found out.

9. Be Faithful :

Be faithful to your ownself, family, country, orgainsation, friends and last but not the least spouse. Do I need to elaborate on this?

10. Have Faith :

Have faith in yourself, family and fellow beings. Do be careful against betrayals but do not mistrust everyone as a rule. And have faith in God you believe in. Remember if good times have passed so will the bad times too.

I am sure there will be a lot of more for additions or changes in your mind, I welcome you all to share it with us here.

UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE

2010-11-08T08:21:00.000-08:00

This is the post I had in my mind before I wrote FATHER’S DIKTAT. It is an incident which is over ten years old but is still fresh in my mind.

We had shifted to a locality which had mixed categories of houses. We were in a flat while at stones throw there were good bungalows. The residents were mostly upscale people. During my walks in the morning I used to see an elderly couple taking rounds of the park. I placed him to be about 5 years my senior which would make it 60. I learnt later that he was actually 66+ at that time. He was greeted by almost everyone of the locality and he had warm smile for each. After a few days we were introduced by a mutually known person. That is when I learnt that he was a retired senior officer from Government. They were originally from Gujarat but had settled here. Everyone addressed him Kaka and his wife Kaki. They had been in that locality for more than 15 years in their modest bungalow. They both were ever so helpful without any hesitations.

We started exchanging polite greetings whenever we met. They visited our house a few times and so did we but to find them home was difficult as they were mostly on call of helping someone or the other. Our relations were very warm but we did not ask any personal questions. Whatever information we had of each other was voluntary. However we shared a lot of common interests due to our keen passion for wellbeing of the society.

A couple of months after we were introduced a mutual friend came to our house in the evening stating that Kaka was in ICU of a hospital a little distance away and Kaki must be alone with him. I accompanied him to the hospital. On the way he filled me up with Kaka’s personal details.

They had two sons. Elder was in Army while second, younger by two years, went to USA for studies after science graduation as he was keen on becoming a research scientist. Both were married. Elder one liked a girl who was a fellow officer’s cousin and had come on holidays to place where he was posted. Her father was no more. Her mother was working in a private company taking care of her and son who was younger. They got married as Kaka and Kaki felt that happiness of the couple is more important than any other reason. Younger one was married to a girl of Indian parents who were second generation American citizens. So the girl was born and brought up in that nation. Kaka and Kaki went to USA for the wedding. Though it was traditional Indian wedding but had a lot of flavour of that country. They visited them again after a year or so. Their son wanted them to live there but Kaka did not agree as he saw that his brother in law who was married was living separately though his father had a fairly big house. He felt that their daughter in law who was working also would have different thinking. They however remained in touch. Kaka along with Kaki visited them twice again on birth of their daughter and son. They had visited India a couple of times only all these years. Exchange of e-mails and videos had been main source of contact apart from periodical calls.

Unfortunately elder son had died about 5 years ago in a freak motorcycle accident. His motorcycle skidded on loose rubble on a sharp turn and he suffered open chest injury due to sharp iron rods lying on the side which were to be put up in the road divider. He was conscious enough to call up his unit. He was picked up within short time and taken to hospital. There were broken ribs as well as shoulder. Doctors made all efforts to see that he recovers but he went into coma after four days as infection developed in open chest wound reached brain. He passed away two days after that. He was survived by his wife, a son of 2 years and daughter of 4 months. His wife did not get any pension as accident was not attributable to service but she received money from insurance, provident fund and gratuity. Kaka advised her to put that money in fixed deposit for making it grow as they would take care of her and children. But her mother made her move to her place putting her money in business with her younger brother. Kaka was unable to make her understand risk factors as her mother did not let her alone to discuss it. He kept in touch by making telephone calls but there was hardly any reciprocation. They visited her place on birthdays of their grandchildren and Diwali to give them gifts. In all this time she visited them only once or twice.

We reached hospital and found Kaki with another lady & two children. I learnt that she was their daughter in law with their grandchildren. Kaka was in operation theater. Few more persons from our locality had reached there. We all were saying silent prayers for his recovery. About an hour later he was wheeled out. The doctor told us that he is out of danger and will come out on anaesthetic affect in a few hours.

He was fit to be sent home in little over a week. During this period I made a visit on daily basis, at times alongwith the person with whom I went on first day. I found Kaki or their daughter in law there. Kaka was very liberal with praise when he introduced me to their daughter in law. During one of my visits a day or so before he was discharged their daughter in law told me as to what had happened.

For a couple of years all went well at her mother’s place. Her brother gave her money in return of her investment in his business. But gradually he started delaying it and stopped it totally in the past year or so. He stated losses in business as the reason. Her mother supported him. Being a graduate without any specialization she took up job of a receptionist in a medium sized company to ensure proper education of her children. She never told this to Kaka. However in the past 6 months she was forced to part with a large amount of her salary for household expenses. Matter came to boil a fortnight ago when her mother told her to withdraw her children from reputed school and admit them to government run school to save money for household. She refused and was told to make her own arrangements. She shifted out to a locality which was just a shade above slum. Kaka called her up as routine a couple of days after that. She broke down and told Kaka everything. Kaka told her that why did she shift to such place when her house is here. He alongwith Kaki went to her house to bring them home.

They had packed up their little belongings and put those in the car which was a little distance away. As they all settled down, there was a sudden shout by a lady. On looking up Kaka saw two persons on motorcycle had snatched that lady’s purse and were heading towards him. As they came abreast, Kaka shoved them. They stumbled and fell. Kaka caught hold of the one who was holding the purse. On seeing this his partner whipped out knife and lunged at Kaka, stabbing him on arm and side of waist. By now a large crowd had gathered and both culprits were caught by the mob who started beating them up. Their daughter in law made a call to Police on emergency number. A PCR van arrived within 15 minutes and took Kaka to hospital while leaving a constable to guard the offenders with help of some persons who volunteered. Kaki accompanied him in PCR van while daughter in law followed in Kaka’s car. On reaching hospital Kaki made call to the person who came to our house with this news.

Though we shifted out of that locality a year later, I am still in touch with Kaka. Their grandson is now in college while granddaughter is in 11th. Their daughter in law apart from running the house teaches underprivileged children as per Kaka’s wishes. The lower court convicted those culprits and their appeal is pending. However they still have scars and limp from the beating they received at the hands of crowd. Kaki is no more. She passed away two years ago. Kaka told that she went with her head in their grandson’s lap and a content smile on her face.

HAPPY DIWALI

2010-11-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL WITH LOTS OF HAPPINESS.

MAY ALL YOUR WISHES BE FULFILLED.

HAPPY DIWALI

FATHER'S DIKTAT

2010-10-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

Rinki is a dear niece of mine. Her father, Dilip is my first cousin. She has a brother younger by 3 years. I have seen her growing right from her birth. We live in the same city but in different localities, a little distance from each other. We visit each other at least once a month if not more. She is very charming girl and had been good in studies as well as other extracurricular activities. She represented school as well as college in basket ball and was in university badminton team.

After she completed her graduation she showed keenness to take up a job while pursuing MBA in HR. Dilip was keen to marry her off but I sided with her saying that 20 is too early for marriage. He reluctantly agreed. She came out with flying colours in MBA. This lead to her being offered a job in a big MNC. Another year passed before Dilip brought up marriage. He started looking out for a suitable match. I suggested that he ask Rinki if she has anyone in mind. He stated that it was just not possible. But on my insisting, he did ask her in my presence. She replied in negative but I could make out that it was more out of her fear of father than truth. So I cajoled her saying that she had been working for over 3 years and surely she must have met a lot of people, adding that it is just normal for young boys or girls to like each other. She reluctantly told that she did have affinity towards a youngman in her organization who was in another department and senior to her. She confirmed that he too liked her and had introduced her to his parents. Dilip was taken aback and blew his top as the said boy was from different caste. Rinki went off to her room in tears. For over an hour I tried to make him see reason with logic but though he did not counter me but did not relent also. I learnt that Rinki had withdrawn into her shell.

About 10 days later he called us for lunch next day which was Sunday adding that a family was coming to see Rinki alongwith their son. On reaching there we found tension in the air. Dilip was usual self while his wife, Rinki and her brother were in sullen mood. On getting an opportunity Rinki told me that she would ensure that she is not liked by that family. On my asking she said she would look at them with cock eyed way and behave dumb generally. I advised her not to do so but we can sort it out later and she can say no.
That family arrived around 6 in the evening. Apart from the boy and his parents, his younger sister was also there. After normal hello hello we settled down in the drawing room and Dilip asked his wife to call Rinki who was in her room. I was waiting with bated breath. As she entered with sullen look her jaw dropped open on seeing the boy and his parents. That is when Dilip along with boy and his parents broke into loud laughter. His sister too joined in on seeing Rinki. He was the same boy whom Rinki liked.

Later Dilip told me that after I had left that day, he thought about the whole thing keeping my logic in mind. He said that he realized that happiness of his daughter was far more important than casteism. And he also was sure that Rinki’s choice would not be bad. So he arranged to meet the boy after a couple of days. He found him to be much beyond his expectations. Thereafter he met his parents and fixed up this meeting. He had asked his parents to keep it to themselves and not to tell anyone, specially Rinki. He had made the boy a conspirator in the first meeting itself. Best part is that he kept me also in total dark till then.

She has been married for more than 2 years now and is expecting their first child sometime in end March or early April next year.

PS : I had a serious post in mind but keeping the festival season in view I decided to share something which would bring smile to you all.

DUTY TOWARDS SOCIETY

2010-10-16T09:08:00.001-07:00

It has been over a month now that I got to my space from my home PC. It was made alright yesterday but then our internet connection went on to give trouble. That got fixed today. So here I am trying to write some of my thoughts which have been in my mind during this break.

We all take so much from society in our growing period or even later and many of us do feel like paying our debt, specially at the fag end of life when all our worldly duties are done.

There are lot many NGOs in this field with varied agendas of social welfare. Many of these are started or run by those who wish to do pay their debt to the society. Many a corporates too have opened separate organizations to do something for the wellbeing of society. While some of them have done so out of compulsion of Corporate Social Responsibility but there are lot many who have done it with genuine desire. Having been associated with NGO I have had a ring side view of what goes on. I am going to share with you some of the issues which make me happy as well as sad.

Our Government on it’s part has many schemes for wellbeing of downtrodden or backward with a huge amount earmarked for each. But unfortunately as stated by our late PM Rajiv Gandhi, it is only a miniscule part of that fund which actually reaches the end beneficiaries. It is so painful to see pockets of unscrupulous persons being filled. The only solution in my mind is that for implementation of these schemes Government must involve those at grass root level for selection of right agency or NGO to carry out the work and give funds to those who are under the scrutiny of and held accountable by the beneficiaries. This may take a lot of hard work for BABUs to do so but possible it is definitely.

Now let me say something about NGOs. Everyone is not Vinobha Bhave, Baba Amte or Mother Terresa. Those running NGOs also need to have their own needs met. It has thus become more of a business for most of them, even family business for some. This is not so bad as long as the main aim is kept alive and their needs are not luxuries. Unfortunately in many cases the main goal is on deferred priority and other aspects take more importance, like getting mileage politically or making inroads into social networking etc. Most of those who are running such organizations become less open minded to suggestions as well as do not like to join hands with other NGOs in the same field for sake of one upmanship and unnecessary duplication adversely affecting the gains for beneficiaries. Solution to this lies only in if people involved are true to their commitments alongwith little overseeing of these organizations by some agency set up by the Government.

This now brings me to the last set of players in social upliftment. The corporates or business houses. Bill Gates, Premji, Narayanamurthy, Ambanis, Tatas, Nilakeni, Bharati, PVR Cinemas are some names which crop up in my mind. Those in the helm of affairs in such corporates are keen from their heart to do something for less privileged but unfortunately the ones who are entrusted to do such acts on their behalf become more bureaucratic and kill good suggestions offered by those in the field. The mindset of many such persons is that they are doing the best and others are not even worth listening to. There have been headlines in news that some of big business houses have made huge donations to the alma mater of their founders or chairmen. It is a nice gesture but one needs to think do such recipients really need such donations. In a case it was with setting up of chair in the alma mater named after founder of donor organization. Don’t you think such funds could have been better utilized for providing basic education and other amenities to those in backward rural inaccessible areas?

In my opinion one should not indulge in charity like giving alms but provide or support facilities making the needy self-reliant.

FORCED BREAK

2010-09-16T03:01:00.000-07:00

My PC at home has gone KAPUT. As told by service engineer, it is hard disc problem and it will be another 15 to 20 days before it is made OK. Till then I am on forced break with heavy heart. This I am sending from my old office. I will try to visit whenever I can but can not promise.

May you all have good time and hope to meet you all soon.

CHANGES TIME BRINGS

2010-09-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today on turning 65, I reflected upon the changes social norms have undergone which I am a witness to and the impacts thereof. Changes are a must for a society to remain vibrant but it is the misuse of such changes which defeat the purpose. I have read views of a couple of young ladies on touchy but important issues of relationships and that has acted as catalytic agent to make me write this. Recently I visited space of Restless and read what she wrote about Live In and Bad Marriages. This made me decide not to lose any more time and put my thoughts across.

Let me start with Love. Love is of many hues, like between parents & children, siblings, relatives, friends to name a few. What I will take up here is Love between two persons, generally of different genders and unrelated. There is no secret that there is attraction between genders. It is from times immemorial. Let me give examples starting with Dushyant and Shakuntla and then coming to recent times of Romeo & Juliet, Shirin & Farhad, Sassi & Pannu and Laila & Majnu. But in olden days it was not widely prevalent as opportunities of interaction between persons of opposite gender was not so common. There were few instances of Love Marriages. As the time passed there were more opportunities as girls started taking up higher as well as professional education. They also had more opportunities to go for jobs in or outside hometown increasing interaction between opposite genders. Thus it is natural for two persons who are attracted and like each other to fall in love and parents need to open their mind to let children have space. This brings us to point where I can say with conviction that when two persons are in such relationship, there is bound to be certain amount of physicality. In my younger days it was close hugs and stolen kisses. Of course there were those who went for more but that was not so common due to lack of opportunity. This brings us to question of pre-marital sex. May I pose a question to all of you, specially males, why is it accepted if a boy has sex with a girl but she is the one who is castigated? Is she not a human being with normal urges? In olden days too there were a lot of instances where cousins had indulged in physical relations as interaction with outsiders was restricted. In some cases it resulted in Forced Marriages if customs permitted. I feel it is upto individual to set limits and to go this far & not farther. But after marriage both boy and the girl should keep trust intact. I do not advocate promiscuity but if it is discreet with those in Love, others should not raise fingers. I have only one Thumb Rule for this which I told both our children, daughter and son, once they were off age “ Follow your conscience and never do something which makes you hang your head in shame later.”

Let us now see Live In relations. If two persons are in love but are not yet in a position to marry, here I must say that marriage is definitely ultimate aim in Love, they may decide to live together depending upon circumstances. Here comes a point which Restless has raised very pertinently , what is the status of children born out of this relationship? Specially if parents do not get married ultimately. Other drawback is what about those who just wish to do so because of LUST? Mostly boys. I know there is Court ruling that those who are in Live In relationship for a reasonable period are to be treated as married couple but such period is not quantified. What happens if boy after having had his fun for let us say a few months walks out? I always say it is unfortunately it is the girl who is at the receiving end. So GIRLS before you decide to go for Live In relationship, do apply your mind fully.

Now coming to Bad Marriage. It is advisable that couple who are going for marriage have pre-marriage counseling. No matter how long they may have know each other or dated, it is only when you are together 7 X 24 that you know the other person fully. It must be borne in mind that both are equal partners in marriage, and that is possible only if few golden rules are kept in mind. Along with pre-marriage counseling, they should also not project goody goody image but talk to each other frankly about own expectations, willingness to adjust and shortcomings. Once married, following , which is my experience after having been married for almost 39 years now with our normal ups and downs, should be kept in mind to ensure there is no issue which raises ugly head :

a) Mutual respect as the person is as well as respect for each other’s relatives.
b) Mutual trust and ensure that this is not broken.
c) Willingness to adjust and accept the other as he or she is.
d) Giving space to each other and to ensure that it is not misused.
e) In case of any misunderstanding, open & logical two way communication without throwing tantrums. They may even agree to disagree.
f) To be there for each other in time of need and try to go extra mile for other.
g) No verbal or physical abuse, specially from husband.
h) To be able to ignore unwanted interference from others.
i) Last but not the least, frankness on physical aspects.

Well, I am open to your suggestions.

DO WE PRACTICE WHAT WE PREACH?

2010-08-31T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have been absent for a fortnight here as well as in visiting you all regularly. I, alongwith my wife, had to visit Chandigarh for some family commitment. On return I could not get back into right frame of mind to do what I love. This is what happens when you are eldest in the family and have to attend to so many issues. I will take a couple of days to catch up with all pending posts from each of you.

We had decided to go by car and what an experience it was. It was raining very heavily most of the time necessitating caution in driving. There was lot of water at a number of places on the road as well as around. There were a lot of diversions at many places due to work going on the road. The drive was enjoyable but it also set me thinking about driving courtesies. I know we all are in hurry to get where we are heading for but I wish to share some of my observations which if followed may enable easy flow of traffic :

1. Stick to one lane as it helps those who want to overtake. If you drive keeping the dividing line of lanes in center of car, this will make others impatient as they will not be able to overtake.
2. Maintain steady safe speed.
3. Observe right of way rules.
4. Overtake only when safe.
5. In case of traffic jam due to any reason, stick to your lane even if the next one moves faster as it will disrupt the flow.
6. Never go over to the lane for oncoming traffic as that will cause severe traffic jam as none of us are willing to reverse and even if we wish to the vehicles who followed us make it impossible.
7. If you have to stop for any reason, like asking for directions, make sure that you do not block the flow of traffic.
8. If you have to use your mobile phone, draw on side leaving the busy road and talk.

These are few things which came in my mind and these are not only for highway driving but on driving at any time anywhere. We all are aware of such simple courtesies and curse others ahead of us if they are not following any of these, but do we really care for it when we are at wheel?

SOME LAUGHTER

2010-08-16T10:15:00.001-07:00

I have been writing here for almost 2 years now. Before that I was writing at o3.indiatimes site. I still post there too, if I can navigate to that space. Lately some of my friends here have expressed if what I write is true incidents or fiction. I would like to clarify that to all my dear friends here. The title of my space is “ Sharing Thoughts and Experiences”. Well, that is what I do. I write posts based on my experience in life, working period of about 41 years in different organisations and earlier during student time. My first exposure to the realities of life was when I was about 5 or so. I saw a train accident as a small culvert had been washed away due to floods caused by heavy rains and selfless help rendered by so many persons as well as apathy shown by some. So I narrate incidents which I have been witness to with little padding up. Some are based on what is narrated by close friends. Mostly it is former. Those are the ones where I give names of involved persons, though changed ones. Then I write what my thoughts are, like posts – For A Happy Married Life in 3 parts, What Makes A Marriage or Relationship Happy and Healthy to name a few. My only fiction has been Darkness At Noon but that too was on realistic mode. Of course I am not talking of Tags or Humour posts.

Enough of clarifications, now for some fun :

A blonde came home elated and told her roommate that she was with her boyfriend when he visited ATM and she got to know the password of his ATM card. On being asked what was it, she told , “ It is ********.”

This one is related by my grandfather who was a Headmaster. There was a visit by Inspector of Schools and he showed desire to visit class rooms. In one of the classes he asked the students if anyone could tell how old he was. Up went one hand. My grandfather, who was with the Inspector, was worried as the student who raised his hand was very naughty. On being asked he told, “ Sir, you are 40 years old.” The Inspector showed surprise and said, “ Very correct.” He gave that boy pat on his back. Later my grandfather asked that student as to how did he guess it correctly. The student replied, “ Sir, in our village we have a mad person who asks stupid questions and he is 20. The question asked by Inspector Sahib was double stupid so I thought he must be 40.”

3 Priests were chit chatting and one of them said that whatever money is offered to the deity, he puts half for deity and takes the rest for himself. Second one said that he draws a line close to deity and throws the money towards deity, whatever crosses the line is for deity and rest for him. The third one said, “ You are fools. I throw the money up and whatever deity wants He keeps and rest falls back for me.”

Little Jimmy was admonished by his teacher many times not to count on finger while replying to addition sums. One day she asked what was 5 plus 5. She saw Jimmy counting on finger. So she told him to put his hands in pockets and then do the sum. Jimmy put his hands in pockets and after a while he replied, “ 11.”

A lady had employed new driver. One days she had to go for a meeting. She was aghast that the driver kept blowing horn most of the time. While returning she told him that she would drive. She thought that she would not use horn at all and then advise the driver. When she got off the car at home and before she could say anything the driver said, “ Madam, you drive so nicely but don’t you feel horny?”

A farmer was sitting on the porch enjoying cake when he saw a rooster chasing a hen. As they passed him, he threw some crumbs. The rooster stopped to eat. The farmer looked towards heaven and prayed, “ O God! Please do not make me that hungry ever.”

HOW MUCH TO LOVE YOUR CHILDREN

2010-08-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Siddharth was born after a lot of prayers and what not by his parents and grandparents. His parents had two daughters before him and wanted a son very desperately. The age gap between him and second sister was 12 years. So you can well imagine joy he must have brought to his parents and grandparents on his arrival in this world. They gave him all the attention and pampered him so much that right from his childhood he considered himself to be a gift to humanity. Relations between him and sisters were not so cordial as most of the time they were at the receiving end for crimes against him as per his statements without any cross check. He just got used to get what he wanted and the way was not any consideration. He even used to become violent at times when denied what he wanted. He was little above average height and good looking.

His grandparents were very disheartened at the way he was growing up. During his final years in school they tried to make him have some sense but he retaliated with so much of rudeness that they just went into shell. This depression caused them to depart this world one after the other in a space of just five months. He barely graduated after number of attempts as he loved going to college which gave him a chance to show off his latest acquisitions and have a number of girlfriends. As he was to step into his father’s shoes to run business, it was not considered that he study anything more. That is the kind of man he grew up to.

He started going to office under compulsion of his father who was keen that he learn about business to take over in a few years. He had to show interest in office lest his father stops giving him what he wants. But his heart was in having fun. So after office it was pubs with friends. It was well known that if he fancied a girl he made all out efforts to make her his girlfriend and as soon as he felt bored with her he dumped her. His mother was not very happy but could not do much. His sisters were both married and did not visit parental house often as they were happy in their respective homes. They were not keen to be with him due to his behavior which had made them face ire of parents when they were there.

He developed attraction for a girl, Roshni, working in the office as Business Development Officer. All his efforts to woo her failed. Even subtle threats about job conveyed through a crony of his in the office bore no fruit as she just told that she would rather resign than to be his friend. She was quite good looking. She was from a middle class family which he had found out through his sources. He got so obsessed that he forced his mother to get him married to her.

For a month or so after marriage it seemed that he had become a totally different person. Roshni was not going to office any more though his father had plans to give her some major responsibility at a later date. But it was not long lasting. As the novelty of marriage wore off and he had had what he wanted he was back to his old self. He again started visiting pubs with his friends, of course new girls too. Roshni tried to reason it out with him but he just told her to mind her business. He even slapped her once in presence of his mother. She sided Roshni and he even told her to keep out of it.

His father had heart attack. Though he survived but was confined to bed due to paralysis of lower limbs. Now he had the whole world to himself with no one to check him. His escapades got wilder with business being neglected. His father was not told anything initially but as he showed signs of improvement his mother put him in picture. He called for his lawyers and made Roshni Executive Director of the company with all powers. Siddharth was director but with no control over major issues. He was very upset and threatened to go to court but did not as he was advised that it would be of no use. He started drinking all the time and spending time with new girls. He almost stopped going to office. She grasped nuances of business very well and fast with guidance from her father in law. She was well liked and respected due to her humane approach. She gave due respect but was strict also without being arrogant.

His behaviour got worse and whatever time he was home he always kept shouting at his parents. He used to threaten her with dire consequences. He became well known in the whole city for his acts after drinking. One day late at night someone known to them called up to say that he is making a nuisance of himself at a pub. Roshni went alongwith their trusted help and driver to bring him back. On arrival she found him to be very aggressive. When she approached him, he shouted at her calling her all kinds of names. She requested him to calm down and come with her to go home. He used very abusive language telling her to go away. When she held him by the arm to guide him out of that place, he pushed her away with force making her fall. He then picked up a chair hitting her repeatedly. One of the persons in the pub called up police and he was arrested red handed. She sustained fracture of leg. The whole thing was caught on CCTV.

She took a stand to let him face the legal action. His parents supported her. He was locked up but was out on bail given by some rivals of his father. They even put him up in a hotel and paid for fees for lawyers. The investigating office of police was a honest person who took charge of CCTV footage and had recorded evidence of all available witnesses. The case went on for a long time but with all the strong evidence he was found guilty. He was sentenced to 3 years of rigorous imprisonment. He obtained bail and appealed against it but in due course of time his appeal was rejected. The persons supporting him realized that it was futile to back him as the evidence was clinching. Even in jail he tried to show his bossy nature but was badly beaten up by fellow prisoners.

Roshni and his mother visited him in jail but initially he refused to see them. Over a time he realized that there was no one who cared for him and all his friends had deserted him. So he started meeting them. A year in jail made him a changed person and he started regretting his past. His father improved but still did not go to office preferring to work through Roshni. They all hope that once he comes out of jail, he would have learnt his lesson and be a better person. His father still does not want to hand over reins of business to him but keep those with Roshni. He understand it and agrees with it.

The idea of telling this was that we should love our children but not pamper them to an extent that they become demons for us. Right values must be inculcated alongwith love.

WHY?

2010-08-05T04:27:00.000-07:00

Rajat is in police lock up because of an accident he had. He is not willing to apply for bail or for that matter even engage a lawyer to defend him. His mother forced him to sign for a lawyer to plead his case. Let us see the background to this.

He is the only son of his parents. His father, a senior government officer, passed away when he had just joined service after his MBA. He had been a bright student and secured first division always. He also had been good in sports and other extra curricular activities. He had been provided the best of everything but without being pampered. Good values were also inculcated in him by his parents as well as grandparents who used to stay with them till they left this world. He was well liked by one and all for his gentle nature.

His hard work paid off and he climbed to the post of manager in very short time. He had befriended a girl and was keen to marry her. There was no objection from his mother but her father felt he was below their status. So he left it to his mother to find suitable match. She selected some girls and asked him to meet them to finalise. He got married to Sheetal, a girl from almost similar social background. Before marriage he was very honest to tell her about himself and his wish that his mother, though in receipt of pension, would continue staying with them. She had willingly agreed to this. She too was working in a good organization. They both used to be busy in their office routine and his mother took care of home. He used to enjoy a couple of CHHOTA drinks on return from office before having dinner. She used to give company at time with a glass of wine or so. On week ends they used to go out but his mother never agreed to accompany them saying that she would rather stay home to catch up with pending chores. Things were fine though they had normal adjustment problems. His mother always remained neutral and let them sort out their difference at their own. She rather sided with Sheetal if she found Rajat to be even a little unreasonable. There were some instances of interference from her mother at times but he ignored it with feeling that over time his wife will get over asking her mother for advice. They were blessed with a son in second year of marriage. By the time son was a year old, things seemed to change.

Sheetal started making issues of small happenings. She started nagging him a lot. Though she did not have any fights with his mother but started remaining aloof. There was hardly any interaction between her and mother in law. On return from office she used to take her son to her room and close the door. She even went off few times to stay with her parents for longish periods. Rajat was quite unhappy but continued making efforts to make things normal. She refused to communicate as to why was she behaving like this or what was on her mind. She started objecting to his drinking no matter how little it was. She would not stop him if he gave company to her father for drinking. This seemed very unreasonable to him. He tried to reason it out with her but she did not relent. So for the sake of peaceful life, he did not drink at home. However at times he used to have it on way back from office at some pub or the other and she never realized it. He was very unhappy with the way life was going on. He even indicated to her that this may drive him to leave the house and go away. She instead of understanding the gravity of such remarks became even more adamant on her ways. His mother though did not say anything but was sad at the turn of events. Her mother started making frequent visits and they would lock themselves up in her room.

Two days ago he poured a drink and Sheetal threw tantrum. She picked up his glass and threw it away. He lost temper and stormed out of house without saying anything to her. He went over to some pub and had more than he should have had. On way back while driving he momentarily lost consciousness and hit a cyclist. The cyclist was injured and his cycle was smashed. He was taken to police station. The cyclist was hospitalized and fortunately there were only superficial injuries from which he is expected to recover within few days. Rajat was very upset and said that he would rather stay in jail than to return home to all the bickering. Sheetal instead of showing any remorse put the blame on him and went off to her parents place. It is learnt that the cyclist is willing to compromise if he is given a new cycle and hospital bills paid off. His uncle has spoken to police who stated that they have no objection if compromise is reached.

I only hope and pray that it ends on a happy note. It will be so sad to see a good youngman going waste. It does make me wonder why we do not see positive side of life and live happily instead of creating disharmony.

PS : This is based on a true happening with very little additions from my side.

AVOIDABLE?

2010-07-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

Manjusha was a very vivacious girl of 17, almost touching 18. She was tall, very good looking and her movements were graceful. Her parents were both middle level government officers. She had an elder brother by a year as well as a 2 years younger one. She had just cleared 12th and joined college. She was very social and jovial. She was well liked by one and all in our locality. She was very respectful to all elders. We were on good terms with her parents. I used to come across her during my evening walks. She visited us sometimes to seek guidance about career courses etc. What I could gather from her talks was that her parents favoured her brothers more. Their attitude towards her was not as warm as one may expect due to her being the only daughter. However it did not seem to affect her behaviour.

She was friendly with a boy about 3 years elder belonging to a well to do family. He was tall and quite handsome. He had just graduated. I had met him few times when he was with her and he seemed to be a nice boy with an aim to make it into filmworld. They looked a very nice as a couple. She had confirmed that her parents were in the know of their friendship.

A couple of months later I did not see her around for a week or so. Later I came to know that she had gone away with that boy to Mumbai. He wanted her also to join films as she had talent. She had turned 18 just a few days before she went away. She had told her parents and left. This was about 2 years ago.

Why am I bringing it up now is because last week I went to meet her father to discuss something about our locality and saw her there. She was just a shadow of her oldself. Her father told her to go to her room. He does share his woes with me, so he told me that when she went with that boy they wanted them to get married with knowledge of his family but the boy had stated that once they establish themselves in films they would tie the knot in proper fashion. They struggled for months to get a break in films by making numerous rounds of different studios and meeting many known or unknown persons involved with film making. Unfortunately it was a dream which looked rosy but reality was harsh. Though they had financial support from his family, it was not possible to continue indefinitely. We all are aware of how advantage is taken of such persons. He persuaded her to succumb to casting couch demands as it seemed last resort to gain foothold into glamour world. They did get some bit roles but nothing to talk about. But then there was no stopping such acts. She was very unhappy with this and refused him at times. He somehow convinced her that once they establish it would not be needed anymore. However it was not so and she was desperate to end this kind of life. On her refusal next time, he abused her physically and forced her to submit to demands of an agent who promised to get them meaty roles. This finally led to her being offered to please all and sundry. She could not take it anymore and packed her bags coming back without telling him.

As expected her father said that he would have rather seen her dead than to be there with them. I bluntly told him what stopped him from killing her, to which he replied that he could not as she was his child. So I then told him that it was the reason why she came back to them. She had faith in them to provide her help to start her life afresh. I suggested that putting past behind now, she start her studies to complete graduation even as private candidate. She could also take up some job for keep herself busy as well as financially independent. I offered to speak to some known person to take her as receptionist in their company. Fortunately sense prevailed and after some discussion with Manjusha we went ahead with it. She is now working in a company known to me and I keep track of it. She has started preparing to complete graduation.

I am bringing it here to analyse as to who was at fault. In my opinion it is first the parents who did not have enough bonding with her to make her feel confident for sharing her dreams with them before it was too late. Even then there was hardly any effort from them to make her see the truth. They could have given her directions to reach her goals in much better way or even taken help from some person who could have. Then the girl as she was too naïve to understand what world is like. She could have discussed this with someone whom she had trust in before taking such a big step. She just let herself be swept off her feet with rosy talk of that boy. Lastly the boy who being elder should have taken due steps for her well being. If they could not get a break into the films, he should have come back with her. I do not wish to blame the system in glamour world as there is no way of stopping such happenings unless those susceptible to such acts become strong to refuse.

May I invite your views on who to blame for this.

NEW EXPERIENCE

2010-07-23T02:58:00.001-07:00

In my over 3 decades of driving I have had a very rare experience which I would like to share with you all.

On last Wednesday I alongwith my wife had gone out for some household chores. I had taken Tata Safari Diesel vehicle. After finishing the work we were on our way back when we encountered heavy traffic. It was bumper to bumper. So it was clutch and brake situation with vehicles just crawling. I am very careful about not keeping clutch pedal half pressed. After about 2 kms of this situation I decided to take a side road which joined main road again at some distance after traffic signal. As soon as I turned I found that I could not change gears. The gear lever was moving in all desired directions but no gear could be engaged even with clutch pedal fully pressed. I felt panic as I was blocking the entrance to the road. Somehow 3rd gear got engaged enabling me to drive the vehicle to side and park it. I tried to engage gears again but without success. I switched off. I stopped a passing three wheeler auto and sent my wife home asking her to call me up to let me have telephone number of Tata workshop where we get our vehicle serviced. I felt that clutch plates may have given way. Fifteen minutes later I again switched on the engine and lo behold the gears started working absolutely normal. I cautiously drove back home. I left the vehicle there and went to the said workshop in our second car, a Maruti Estilo.

I narrated the whole incident to their GM. On his asking how much mileage the vehicle has covered, I told him it is about 35,000 kms. He told me that there is no idea of opening up clutch assembly as chances of clutch plates having worn off are little specially once I was able to engage gears after sometime and if we open up there will positively be some wear and tear thus changing of plates will be needed. On my asking then what was the cause of such happening, he explained that it is a very rare phenomenon in that at times air which finds it’s way into the assembly gets mixed with clutch oil. When the oil gets heated the moisture in the air converts to gaseous state. This causes forming of big size bubbles. On pressing clutch pedal these bubbles get compressed but do not allow full compression for clutch to be engaged to let one select gears. He told me that this can also happen to brake fluid thus leading to brake failure. Once oil cools the gas regains moisture state thus reducing bubble size and that is why I could drive the vehicle after it had had time to cool down. He advised that oil be changed and line bleeding carried out to ensure that there are no air bubbles inside. I got the said work done. The vehicle is running fine.

I had a chance to visit Maruti workshop for some work on Estilo and on my narrating my experience to their engineer, he too explained what Tata GM had said. I so flabbergasted as it is the first time I experienced such situation. So I thought of sharing it with you to appraise you that if such thing happens there is no need to panic but let the vehicle cool down.

This we may also translate to our day to day life. When we are angry, hot air in our head does not allow us to engage our brain properly. So it is best to cool down before doing anything.

SMALL GESTURE BIG DIVIDENDS

2010-07-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Last month I had planned a project for rural area to be conducted by NGO I am consultant with. I was asked by President of that NGO to accompany him for a meeting with secretary of rural development department to explore if state would fund it. I was to give power point presentation. I agreed. So off we went on fine morning last week to the state capital where we had appointment with the concerned person at 1 pm. It was about 4 hours drive. Enroute he briefed me about the said secretary. I was told that he was not only honest and strict but deeply knowledgeable thus capable of asking probing questions. This was all fine with me as I always liked to associate with those projects where chances of misuse of funds was minimal.

When we were ushered in for the meeting I saw a well built Sikh gentleman occupying the chair. We sat down and I found him staring at me with little frown on his forehead. On my being introduced, he just got up and moved around the table reaching me in no time. He touched my feet exclaiming how lucky he was to see me after so many years. When he straightened, my mental computer locked onto who he was and I was transported back by more than 25 years.

I was in an organization as Head of administration & personnel. He was a junior assistant aged about 22 or so. He was hard working with a smile on his face always. He had done PG in psychology but being from a not so well off family took up the first job which came his way. He had a unsatiateable quest for knowledge. A few months down the line I found him to be little preoccupied in his thoughts. Though there were no slip ups in his work but it was evident that he was not his ownself. One day I asked him frankly if he trusted me to share what was bothering him. He told me that he had fallen in love with a girl of well to do family and she too reciprocated. Though they were from different castes, there was no objection from her family as they were broadminded. Only stipulation they had was that he upgrade his status. They offered him position in their business but he did not take it up as he was quite proud with a lot of self respect. He was not vain or egoist but practical. I told him why did he not sit for civil services examination. He frankly told that he was not aware as to how to prepare. Those days there were hardly any coaching institutes. I gave him some directions like going through guides available giving last five years or so question paper with solution, general knowledge book as well as keeping himself updated on current affairs by reading newspapers. He earnestly started preparing for it. I moved on thereafter and lost contact with that organisation.

Coming back to that day now, he did not listen to my protests while ordering lunch for us. He told that it will be such a pleasure to have lunch together. Over lunch he told the rest of the happenings. He cleared civil services examinations in first attempt. Thereafter there was no hitch in his getting married to his love. He did face some obstacles in his career due to being honest and strict but in the end it paid off. They had 2 children, a girl ,doctor and married, a boy in a good position as an engineer. He wanted me to meet them but due to paucity of time I requested him to let it be for next visit.

When we got onto presentation part, he just bluntly said that there was no need as if I had prepared the project and was involved in implementing it, he had no hesitations in sanctioning funds. He said that his faith in me was absolute.

BOSS

2010-07-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

Once all organs of a body were arguing as to who is the Boss. Brain said, “ I give directions to all to do what is needed, so I am the Boss.” Heart said, “ That is what you think, if I do not purify and supply blood you will not be able to do anything. So I am the Boss.” Lungs retorted, “ If we do not give you purified oxygen do you think you can purify blood? So we are the Boss.” And so on and on the other organs too staked their claim. AH was quite all this time but when all had finished staking their claim, it said, “ I am the Boss.” Everybody else laughed as it was without any reasoning. They all ridiculed it. So AH told, “ You all will repent if I stop functioning.” There was loud hilarious laughter from all. So AH went on non functioning mode. All was fine on first day. Second day there was little discomfort. Third day there was difficulty being faced by others for normal functioning. By fourth day all others were in panic as they just could not function. On fifth day they all were in terrible shape, so they all surrendered accepting AH to be the Boss.

So do remember even if BOSS is an AH but for smooth functioning we do need a BOSS.

FUN TIME

2010-06-30T06:32:00.000-07:00

June is coming to an end and monsoons are likely to arrive soon. Let us welcome July with some humour so we get good rains.

One evening Jojo had gone to meet a friend staying closeby. They got talking of old times and did not realize how much time had passed. All this while friend’s wife kept regular supply snacks to go with their drinks. By the time they finished dinner it had started raining heavily. So his friend asked him to sleep over at their place. Jojo agreed. His friend showed him the guest room and went to get fresh linen. On his return he was surprised to see Jojo totally drenched. On seeing questioning look in his friend’s eyes, Jojo explained that he had gone to get nightsuit from his house.

Tutu was hauled up before court for misbehaving with a woman journalist. When magistrate asked him to explain his conduct, Tutu asked him as to what would he do if it was marked PUSH on the door. The magistrate replied that he would push the door open. Tutu then said if it is written PULL then. The magistrate by now was getting annoyed but said he would pull the door open. Tutu then said, “ Sir, that is it. I just followed instructions as it was written on her t shirt PRESS.”

A village simpleton was crying inconsolably on his wife’s death. People tried hard to pacify him but more they tried harder he cried. After sometime an elderly man told him to get hold of himself as no one comes back after death. He sobbingly said , “ I know but when my father died a few years ago a lot of elderly persons told me not to worry as they are there, when my mother died last year so many elderly women told me that they are there to take care but now not a single girl has come forward to tell me not to feel the loss as she is there.”

A man on his return from work was stunned to see his wife of so many years in bed with a tramp. Before he could say anything, she told him that she could explain everything. She told him that little while ago this tramp rang the door bell asking for something to eat as he had not had a meal for a couple of days. She gave him left over pizza from his dinner last night. She saw his shoes were totally torn, so she gave him a pair of sturdy shoes which he had discarded after buying new pair. She saw he had no socks, so she gave his pair of socks which he had not used for a long time. Then the tramp had asked if she had any woolen to spare as the coat he was wearing was torn at many places. She remembered a decent coat which he had not used for many years so she gave that to the tramp. She said then the tramp asked, “ Is there anything else which your husband has not used for long time and you would like to give that to me.”

She further added, “ And that is how I landed up in bed with him.”

DOUBLE STANDARDS

2010-06-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

I am sure that you all will agree that on a good winter morning it is so heavenly to curl up under a quilt and savour the warmth. I was doing so on a Sunday morning way back in 1975 January in Pathankot. Those days it used to be 6 working days week, so Sunday was something we all looked forward to have this bliss. I was brought down to Mother Earth by a commotion in the attached servant quarter to our bunglow in defence area. I looked for my wife but found her feeding our little daughter, so I had no option but to reluctantly come out of warm refuge to see what was the matter. Our maid was the one staying in the said premises with her family. On venturing out I found that her eldest daughter was angrily shouting at her father. She was about 17 or 18 with two younger brothers and a sister of 8 years. She used to assist her mother in our household work, particularly taking our daughter to park. On enquiry following cause for her outburst emerged.

Her father who was a gangman with some contractor had returned from his native place the previous night and he informed having fixed up marriage of his younger daughter with some man of 30 years or so there. The elder one was married off at same age of 8 or so but before she could join her husband, who was much older than her, died. So she was treated as widow and no one would marry her. She forced his father to let her study but was taken out after she completed 8th standard with view that what was the use of making her study as she had to work in households as maid only. She was telling her father not to repeat his mistake and let the younger one study just like her brothers. She was of the opinion that girls should also be educated to take care of themselves and not be treated as cattle. She even threatened him that she would immolate herself if he went ahead with his plan. All this time her mother was crying silently. I was very impressed with her strong views. I admired her courage to stand up against her father as those days there was nothing like women liberation movement in India though we did read some news of such happenings in western countries. I told them all to take it easy and we would have a talk later in the day.

I called her father over after breakfast to find out why was he was in such a hurry to marry off his minor or rather still a child daughter. He stated that in his native place it was the custom to marry off girls before they attained puberty. On my saying that those were old customs which had no relevance in present time, he agreed saying that having stayed away for such a long time from his native place he had seen the better living ways. I advised him to let both his daughters continue studies and it will surely lead to better prospectus for them not only for being self sustained but for marriage too. Fortunately he saw the reasoning and agreed. I sent for his elder daughter and told her that she should continue with her studies to appear for 10th examinations as private candidate. But I made her promise that she would always stand for the right issues. She gladly agreed. Subsequently I spoke to the Base Commander to see if we could do something as encouragement for this upright girl fighting for a cause, to stand against child marriage. He promised and in a couple of weeks time she was taken as a helper at decent remuneration in one of the unit run schools. We moved out of that place in the following month as I was posted out to another location. There was no contact with them thereafter.

I had an opportunity to visit that Base again in 1987 for a few days on official visit. One of the evenings when I was in the Bar, head barman came over and asked me if I remembered him. On close scrutiny I realized that he used to be a young barboy during my earlier stay at that place. He gave me updates on all those who were there in those days. I learnt from him about that family too. That girl completed inter and thereafter had done primary teachers training. She got employed as teacher in a municipal school while her brothers too did well. One of them joined army after 10th while younger one was employed in a semi government organization after graduation. Their father had unfortunately died in an accident while at native place but they suspected that he was killed. Mother was running a tea stall in local college campus. Younger daughter was also a teacher in the same school with her sister. Both the girls were married to local boys and were happily settled as their in laws had sought them as brides for their sons. I felt a sense of happiness.

This is based on what a friend of mine told me few years ago.

Now what prompted me to write this, is the news of our government mulling over bringing out tougher laws to deal with HONOUR KILLINGS after a spate of these in the recent days. What we fail to see is that no law can prevent this totally. Only way is to educate masses that if we treat our girls as second rate citizens and deny them basic rights of living as per present days, they are bound to rebel against such oppression and try to find better life, be it by marriage to someone whom parents do not approve of. And also no one can do anything for them but they themselves as in the case of young girl I narrated. She stood for her rights. So the girls or rather even elder women have to take a stand against such heinous acts of murders in the name of false family honour. Let them say that no male of their family has ever committed anything which may bring bad name to the family. Why are the males forgiven for such acts then?

POSITIVE ATTITUDE HELPS

2010-06-14T07:59:00.001-07:00

I met Ashok 8 months ago. He is Branch Manager of Bank where I have my account. I used to visit the Bank at least once a month to get my passbook updated. But after meeting him a few times I increased my visits to whenever I was in close proximity to the Bank. It was his cheerfulness, ever smiling face and good manners coupled with helpful behavior which made me do this. I felt it as my duty to encourage him in that by showing a customer’s gratitude. My additional visits were mostly just to say hello to him. He is tall, handsome man in early 30s, a little older than our son but younger to our daughter. He is well liked by all working under him whom he always referred to as colleagues.

Over a few months we developed a bond as if we were related. On my saying he started calling me Uncle instead of Sir which he usually called all male clients irrespective of their age or status. I am going to share his life story to show you all how a positive attitude makes one be happy and spread happiness all around.

His father was a Government employee while his mother was a school teacher. They both were God fearing but not fanatics. They did not believe in noisy rituals but silent prayers. They brought him as well as Rashmi, his 2 years younger sister with lot of values inculcated by example and not only word of mouth. They both were given a lot of freedom with just a single sentence advice “ Do not do anything which makes you regret later with shame”. They went to good schools and colleges. They were told to choose their own streams in education with options of each shown. Both of them did well in studies. Here he told me that his grandparents, who stayed with them, had a big hand in this. His grandfather, a retired educationist, used to involve himself by studying their lessons and then discuss with them in innovative ways while his grandmother roused passion for reading by telling them stories and exhorting them to read those themselves once they could do so. Both grandparents passed away peacefully at ripe old age and as per their wishes their eyes were donated. It was a happy model family.

He was 23 and had just joined the bank as PO when his father passed away. His father had gone to the market in the evening to fetch something where he intervened to stop a ruffian from some other locality eve teasing and trying to physically assault a girl. That person had a friend with him and both of them started hitting him. When he fought back one of them attacked him with knife. He hugged the attacker tightly even though he was stabbed a number to times. The other person also took out a knife and started slashing him to get his companion free. By now people formed a ring around them and someone called police. Both the ruffians tried their best to flee but he did not loosen his hug around the one who had first attacked him with knife. Police thus arrested both of them red handed. He lost a lot of blood and passed away couple of days later but not before giving his statement to the magistrate who came to hospital for recording it. This caused his mother to go into depression and she could not recover. She too passed away in a few months leaving him to take care of himself as well as his sister who had just completed college. His father had no surviving siblings and cousins were all at far off places. Though his mother’s brother and sister were there but they were too busy in their own affairs.

He shouldered these responsibilities well and got his sister married off into a good family a year later. All the money he had received from benefits due to parents was used up in that. He is so thankful to God that she is happily settled with 2 children, a son and a daughter. They live with his parents who are massive support to them.

One of his distant relatives living at a town about 5 hours drive from this place highly recommended and cajoled him to get married to a girl related to his wife from same town. He and his sister went to see her there. The girl was good looking and well educated. The family seemed nice. His relative with his wife kept hovering around them all the time without giving them a single moment alone with the girl. He consented and got married a year ago.

His wife joined him but did not seem happy. Within a few days after marriage she told him that she has been forced to marry him as she was in love with someone whom her parents did not approve. She told that she had had that affair for more than 4 years and was physically intimate with him too. As soon as she conveyed to her parents that she would like to marry him, they forbade her going out alone and started looking for suitable match. This is when his relative with full know of things came into picture to look for a suitable match for her.

He told her that past is past and let us start new life with mutual trust and respect. She stayed with him for a couple of month and then one fine day he found a note from her on return from office that she can not take it any more, so she is leaving to be with her ex. On my asking he told me that he has not filed for divorce as he believes marriage is for keeps. However he had sent a copy of her letter to her parents. He is confident that she will realize her mistake and be back. He also told that his relative has informed him that few days after leaving him she came to her parent’s house in the afternoon badly bruised and without any belongings. Her ex had ill treated her and was not keen to marry her. She spends most of her time in seclusion. Her parents seem to feel very guilty to reach out to him. He is just waiting for some more time for her to come back otherwise he will make his move to contact her.

After telling me all this he looked at me and said that he knew what I was thinking. It is that how does he still look so happy and cheerful. He told me that when he looks around he finds so many persons with problems much more bigger than his - health issues, physically or mentally challenged persons, children problem like drug addicts or not interested in studies, money problem, unemployment, family disputes etc etc. He feels thankful to God for not testing him with more complex problems. He said that what is the gain in fretting over what has happened and if he shows his pain to others all that he will receive is their sympathy. He has to be strong to resolve this and that is possible only if he keeps his attitude positive. He then surprised and made me teary eyed by saying that he would like me to accompany him when time comes for him to approach his wife to come back.

I will be more than willing to do this for him. I am sure that you would also like to do it.

There are so many lessons to derive from his life but I am concentrating on his POSITIVE attitude mainly.

CAN WE PLEASE EVERYONE?

2010-06-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

Once an elderly washerman went to cattle fair with his grandson. There he bought a sturdy looking donkey. On the way back to their village they lead the donkey while walking little ahead.

Some persons passed them from opposite direction and muttered, “ Look at these fools. They are walking while they have a good donkey to ride.” So the old man told his young grandson to ride the donkey while he lead them.

Little ahead they met another group of persons who said, “ How disrespectful of this lad, he is riding in comfort while making old man walk.” So young boy got down from donkey and made his grandfather ride.

Again some passers by commented, “ This old man is so selfish and heartless, he is riding in comfort making young boy walk.” So old man asked his grandson to also sit on the donkey alongwith him.

When they had gone some distance, they heard some persons passing by saying, “ Oh! How cruel these persons are. They are both riding the poor donkey without any care for it.”

So, remember it is not easy to please everyone. One should do what conscience allows.

YOUR FUTURE REFLECTED TODAY

2010-06-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

I am reproducing a story which I read long long ago :

A reasonably rich businessman was coaxed by his wife to place his old father who used to suffer frequently from cough, cold and fever due to advancing age in a separate room on the outer side of house as they feared he would spread virus to all. They also started serving him food & water etc in discardable earthenware to avoid contamination of utensils. One day he found his 7 years old son washing used earthenware and putting them aside in the store. On being asked the son replied “ Father, you and mother too will be old one day, why should I waste money to buy new earthenware for you two?”

BRIBES

2010-05-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

We speak so much about corruption but if you really search your heart honestly it will dawn on you that we all believe in bribes, at least for giving it. When we are very keen on getting something or want something to happen in our life, don’t we communicate with God that if this happens we will do this or that – acts like offering special prayers with sweets or keeping fast or giving to charity or any other such promise. Is that not like offering bribe to God? Why can we not do what we so promise always instead of making it special offer for some favour?

ROLLER COASTER RIDE

2010-05-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

I was going over what has been happening in life till now and I feel that one can sum it up as “ Life is nothing but a Roller Coaster ride.” It is full of UPs and DOWNs and the later happen when you least expect. My mind zoomed back to early 1965. I was undergoing training for glider flying. One of the instructors while in the air suddenly went in for aerobatics, to be more precise loop. During this I blacked out for a few seconds. Later on ground he told me that I would never make a flyer. I was very demoralized but some of my friends told me that he always used to make pupils underconfident. Next day another instructor took me up and told me while in the air that we will do some loops. I was scared of blacking out again. He told me that when we are in dive to gain speed for the manoeuvre I should keep my head up and not look down. He further said that when we pull out of dive to complete loop I should lower my head a little. This he said was to counter the affect on blood flow during these extreme manoeuvres. To say the least, I did not black out and enjoyed the aerobatics. Now relating to what I was thinking, when in down mode, we should keep our head up to see what we ought to achieve and similarly when in up mode we must lower our head to see where we could be if we do not sustain our good work. If we do not do this, we will black out, that is our mind will go in muddle making us lose logic.

Apart from this, a lot of other thoughts went through my mind which I am going to share with you all.

Why do we have to succumb to our EGO? It is nice to be proud but not at all EGOIST. Americaning Desi had put up very thought provoking post which I am reproducing below with hope she will pardon me for not taking her permission first :

“ Where there is humility there is the give and take of love. Usually we don't even know when we are working with our ego because it is deeply concealed. Even when someone points out our ego, we don't want to accept it and we continue to work with it. Ego finishes the ability to learn and negatively affects our relationships because there is no give and take of love. The method to overcome ego is to develop humility. Humility means to be strong within yet to be gentle and flexible. This enables us to bend i.e., to bow. When we bow it doesn't mean we are defeated, but it reveals our own victory. It is only when we bend and forgive will we be able to allow the flow of love in relationships. ”

I believe in God and do pray. But is it necessary to make a lot of show while doing so? God is within our hearts and we can all communicate with God with our honest approach. We make a lot of show while praying to gain praise from others but do we have a honest heart to indulge in what God sent us here for? And that is very simple thing – To live in harmony and peace with honest dealings with all. We ask God for blessings to make our life happy but when it comes to fellow humans we cheat and do all sorts of misdeeds for our selfish gains, don’t we?

We do follow some Holy Person or the other with blind dedication, obeying each & every whim of that person, but do we give respect our elders who made us reach where we are today?

We never think twice before pointing someone’s faults but do we look into our own true self to find where we are lacking? We tend to forget that when we point a finger at someone, rest three fingers are pointing at us.

We always expect a lot from others, be it relatives or friends but do we ever think of being there when they need us? We are in Take Take mode but do we ever come in Give Give mode? If you can not help someone, do not harm him or her.

There are so many virtues which we never think of but I will try to sum it up with just saying that let us be clear hearted without wishing bad for anyone, honest in our dealings and respect others if we wish them to respect us. I do not mean that be a punching bag but be strong with humility. Stand up for your rights and also see the same for others too. When you have to penalize someone, we ought to put ourselves in his or her shoes to see what would we have done in the same situation.